Season 3 Episode 6 - Lightning
by fanningon
Summary: Sixth episode of a 8 episode season 3 fanfic. Please read episodes 1 (Change), 2 (Worlds), 3 (1997), 4 (The Calm), and 5 (Thunder) first. If you can, read it with the suggested music. Cheers m'dears


_'My Father's House' by Bruce Springsteen_

Finn swallowed hard. His heart was hammering in his chest like he'd been running for hours. His stomach clenched and churned.

He picked brutally at the loose skin around his fingers and stared at the light in the front window.

He felt tears pricking his eyes. The sting of his painfully bruised right eye did nothing to help this. Nor did the bitterly biting wind that whipped around his face. He ran his tongue along his teeth thoughtfully, trying to calm his nerves.

_A week. _

_Over a week._

He felt Rae's fingers curl around his and he turned to her.

"I'm right by your side Finn."

He looked back up at the house.

Memories of what had happened in those walls came to him and he felt a painful stabbing in his heart.

"Alright." He said softy and walked up to the front door. He raised his hands to knock and hesitated.

"We don't have to do this if you don't want to." Rae said softly but Finn shook his head.

"No I do want to." He sighed sadly. "Stuff with Izzy's kinda put shit in perspective." He said morosely.

"I mean… we can wait until you feel more ready." Rae clarified. Finn thought about that for a moment, looking at the door. He turned his eyes to her.

"Thank you for being here." He said with a small smile and she returned the smile sympathetically.

He turned back to the door and knocked it softly, but resolutely. He had a key, of course, but he had to knock. This didn't feel like it was his home right now.

There was a stirring within the house, the sound of someone coming to the door.

Finn fidgeted with his sleeves, bit his bottom lip and tried to steady himself.

Janice opened the door, glass of wine in her hand, a tired expression on her face. The minute her eyes fell on them a smile lit up her eyes, even though it barely touched her lips.

"It's so good to see you both." She barely breathed. Rae let Finn's hand go so he could enter the house first and he stuffed his fists into his jacket pockets and fidgeted on the doorstep. Janice motioned for them to come in but he hesitated, looking through to the lounge room. His father was sitting on the lounge, looking up at him, his hand still on a book of some sort, his other hand holding a glass of wine.

Finn watched as his dad slowly stood up, putting the glass of wine on the table, the book left abandoned.

Gary stepped once, twice, slowly coming closer to his son. Before he knew it he was at the door, his arms around Finn's body pulling him into a tight embrace.

Finn wrapped his arms around his dad and squeezed his eyes shut as relief, mingled with shame and regret swept through his body.

"Da." His voice came out in a strangled sob and Gary held him firmer. "I'm sorry." Gary made a soft noise, obviously unable to reply yet. Janice and Rae exchanged a relieved look.

"Oh my boy. Not your fault." He said as he put his hand up to the back of Finn's head and held him protectively. "It was my fault. You were right." He said, his voice wavering with emotion. Finally, he drew back and held Finn at arm's length looking at him.

"What happened to you face?"

"Oh…" Finn shook his head. "Chop. It's nothing." Finn said uninterested. He didn't want to talk about that now.

"Since when could Chop land a punch that good on you?" Gary sounded concerned and he held Finn's chin so he could move his son's head around for a better view.

"Since I let him." Finn shrugged, "it's not important." Finn said urgently. "Dad I'm so sorry." He saw the bruising along his father's jawline and lowered his eyes, ashamed.

"Don't think on it." Gary said and drew him into the house, he turned to Rae, "Please come in." He said to her before focusing back on Finn.

"I'll just head up to my room." Janice said softly, starting to head out of the room.

"Please don't." Finn turned and looked at her, "you're part of this family." Janice turned her eyes from Finn to Gary, who nodded gently.

"Alright." She sat down in the chair the she had claimed as her own when she first moved in. Finn sat down on the couch, and instantly reached out for Rae to sit beside him. She did so, carefully, not getting too comfortable. Gary sat in his chair, never taking his eyes off Finn.

"I shouldn't o' hit you. And-"

"Please don't worry." Gary gently dismissed Finn's words.

"Badly bruised ribs." Janice quietly said, "2 back teeth knocked out, and a dislocated jaw." Finn and Gary both looked over to her. "Sorry, but if I'm to be part of this family in any way whatsoever, I shan't be lying or concealing the truth or not communicating." She looked at Finn sternly, "you're damn right you shouldn't have hit him."

No one spoke. The words hung in the air as Finn looked down and pulled at the cuticles around his nails. Rae noticed his fingers bleeding again and gently stopped him by laying her hand in his. He took it fiercely, needing her touch to steady himself.

"The dentist fixed those teeth right up." Gary tried to comfort Finn.

"You're right." Finn said to Janice in a low shame-filled voice.

"To be fair," Gary said, "It was a uniquely and highly charged situation."

"No dad." Finn said, "Janice is right. I'm not that 10 year old punching your chest anymore. I should take responsibility for me fists."

"No." Gary agreed, "You're not that 10 year old kid anymore." He leaned forward and picked up the photograph album he'd been looking at when Finn knocked the door. "But part of me has been treating you like you were all these years." He handed the closed album to Finn. "When Grace died, my world got very bleak. And I didn't want that for you." He paused and took a sip of wine and blinked back tears, "Your mother was furious at me when I told her we should let you forget. But your Nan agreed with me, so I stood my ground. Your mum… She screamed at me…"

"And burned all the photos of Grace. I remember it. Very vaguely." Finn's voice was so fragile that Rae felt herself moving closer to him to try and give him physical support.

"Not all." Gary nodded at the album in Finn's hands. "I've had that up in my room all these years, hidden away." He shook his head, a tear finally sneaking down his proud face, "I never should have put her pictures in the back of a dark cupboard like that." His eyes fell to the album and Finn looked down at it. Slowly he opened up the first page and felt a piercing well of pain deep inside of himself as he saw a picture of himself as a 4 year old carefully trying to hold a tiny baby, their mother wrapping her arms around him, helping him support Grace. Finn traced his fingers down the picture and took a shuddering breath. The next one was of his father holding Grace, looking at her lovingly. Finn stared at each photo for a long time before slowly turning the page. It was him, looking over the edge of the crib, reaching in to stroke Grace's face. The next photo was just of Grace, sleeping on her stomach. Finn looked up at his father.

"Why did she die?" Gary shook his head slowly in response.

"I don't know." He said in a pained voice, "the doctor said it was Sudden Infant Death Syndrome. But all I can figure is that means that they don't know. She just died." Gary took a deep breath. "Apparently there's nothing really that we could have done." Rae watched him blink back tears and subtly wipe his nose. "You never stop blaming yourself though." He said in a low murmur. Finn looked down at the next photo of his dad asleep on the lounge, Grace lying on her stomach, on his stomach, and little 4 year old Finn was curled up beside her, his body by his dad's side.

"How old was she?"

"She was 7 months old when-" Gary paused and took another sip of wine. "You were 4." He said after he'd drained his glass. Gary watched his son silently crying as he slowly turned the pages.

"Finn… what you read in that letter." Finn sniffed as his father continued, "Kenzie… your mum… she always thought that it was her fault. If only she'd been at the side of the crib when Gracie stopped breathing, maybe she could have saved her. That's what she'd always say to me." He swallowed hard and kept going, "over the years, she became more and more angry at everything she thought had taken her away from Grace's side that day."

"Like me." He almost whimpered the words and Gary felt a deep pain at the way this harmed his son. He wished he'd thrown the letter out years ago. Finn should have never seen it.

"You were an energetic 4 year old kid." Gary said, "It was not your fault that you were an energetic 4 year old child." Finn shook his head slowly. And Rae squeezed his hand. "You listen to me Finn." Gary said firmly, "Grace's death was not your fault." Gary took the bottle of wine and poured himself another glass, "How could you blame a 4 year old child for anything?"

The question hung heavily in the room.

"Mum did." Finn looked back down at the photographs.

"You mother loves you Finn." Gary willed him to understand. "Your mother and I were still kids when we had you." He shook his head, "and Grace was not expected either. But both of you are loved so much." He paused, not wanting to say what he had to say, "And you're right, I failed your mother. I was young and I didn't know what to do for her. I did try." Gary looked down at his glass of wine, "but I was lost, really. I watched my vibrant, beautiful, old-soul, wife become a shell. And I didn't know how to save her." He looked at Finn's face, seeing so much of Kenzie in the shape of his eyes, the turn of his nose. "She wasn't herself when she wrote that letter Finn." He furrowed his brows in grief, "she hadn't been for a while." Gary hung his head, the guilt he'd carried with him since Grace's death weighed on him, and Finn saw it clearly. "She was very unwell." He looked up at Finn, "But I swear to you, I tried everything I could. It just wasn't enough. I wasn't enough." Rae felt Finn's body shudder with emotion caused by that statement.

"Mr Nelson. Rae said, before she'd realised she was going to say anything. She held his gaze for a moment, unsure what to say, just knowing that she couldn't leave that sentence unchallenged. Not when it was Finn's biggest fear. "Someone loving you won't magically cure you if you're mad." Rae said slowly. She thought for a moment and then added, "You need therapy and medication…" she squeezed Finn's hand. "Were those options available for Mrs Nelson?" She asked, and he had barely shook his head to say no, before Rae continued, "right… so if she'd broken her leg." Rae said more confident, "would you think that your love and support alone would heal it?" She asked meaningfully, "or would you think she'd need a cast?" She turned and looked at Finn, "it's not a reflection on you if someone who is unwell needs expert help. It don't mean you're not enough." Finn turned his face to her, his eyes filled with love and reached up and stroked her face.

"Thanks." He said with a healing fragility that wouldn't let him say another word; the emotion was too raw and thick in his throat. Gary made a small sound and Rae looked over to him.

"I am very glad Finn has you." He said with red eyes.

"I'm sorry about-" Rae began.

"No." Gary said honestly. "No. I'm glad Finn's got someone like you in his corner."

"Cups of tea all round?" Janice asked and everyone agreed. She went out to the kitchen and Finn turned to Gary.

"Da, can we put some pictures of Grace around the house?" Gary smiled sadly.

"Yeah." He said with a nod.

"It won't be too… I dunno… depressing for you?"

"I don't need the pictures to think about her all the time and to remember exactly what she looks like, Finn. If it'll help you, we'll put them up." Finn nodded thoughtfully, biting at his bottom lip viciously, pulling some lose skin off, as he looked back down at the pictures.

"We have to have dinner with Rae's mum." He said and turned a page in the album.

"Really?" Gary asked, sounding slightly scared. He looked at Rae and she shrugged.

"It were probably easier for you when we weren't in contact weren't it?" Rae joked and Gary looked at her incredulously before he started to laugh, the tension finally broken.

_'Kindergarten' by Faith No More_

"How does it feel knowing that he cheated on you with your slut best mate?"

It was Thursday and Rae was waiting for Finn to get out of his science class so they could share their free period together.

Finn had been in a particularly good mood since he'd handed in his essay to Mrs Vines yesterday and proudly told her that she'd been right, he did get it all done early; he'd finished it all off on the weekend. Except for More's Utopia. He pushed himself to finish that on Tuesday in his free. It was so dry. Interesting, but dry. He'd asked Rae if they could start on the 1984 essay question he'd chosen in this free, so she'd already spread out all of her notes, the handout with the three possible 1984 essay questions was in her hand.

She looked up at Stacey slowly. She'd been hearing this shit all week.

So had Finn.

It had made him far more sexual with Rae in public; every time he went to walk her to her next class a long, sexy, smouldering kiss would greet her, his hands always finding her arse. Then he'd take her hand, or put his arm around her, and walk her to the door of her next class, another heated kiss, then he'd jog off to his own class. It was his silent way of countering the rumours.

For her part Chloe tried to make sure that she and Finn were never standing next to each other when the gang were together. She loudly protested the rumour at every turn. She had thought about telling everyone that she'd 'done a Stacey' and tried to kiss him but been rejected. But she thought it would be better to not muddy the waters – to keep it crystal clear that there was nothing between her and Finn.

Izzy and Archie were taking a similar tact as Chloe, denying it completely. Loudly and constantly. Although Archie was beginning to suspect that protesting it made people believe it more.

Rae had said nothing.

There was no doubt that this was a huge rumour. The fittest boy in school was going out with a minger… and cheated on her with her hot best mate who was known to be a big slag… and the minger was still giving it up to him.

Most gossip died down in a day or two, but Rae knew this one would hang around for a while. It seemed like nearly everyone had asked her about it or commented on it to her. She had said nothing. Sometimes she'd say; 'you'd have to ask Finn about that,' or 'ask Chloe what happened.'

The only person, besides teachers, that hadn't mentioned it to her was Phillip. He'd been blissfully silent on the subject in their writing sessions and had been generally cheery and lovely in performing arts classes, despite Finn scowling at him constantly. She saw them trading words every time they were near each other and she wasn't in earshot. And she knew Finn was getting pissed off at him. But Phillip seemed to backing off a little. Or so Rae thought. He wasn't trying to touch her as much and he talked more about school work than anything else. To Finn's eyes, Phil was just settling into the trenches for a long protracted battle.

Rae shook her head at Stacey.

"It don't matter who he fucks Stace, it's not gonna be you." She said with a sarcastic smile.

"I wouldn't want someone who'd had a slut like Chloe. Imagine all the diseases he's got now."

"Oh, but it weren't just him that fucked her Stacey. It were a threesome. Although…" Rae said with a huge smile, "Chloe's so hot I lost interest in Finn and just ate her cunt all night." Stacey pulled a disgusted face, "we totally les-ed out you know?"

"You're a fucking liar." She hissed at Rae.

"I might be." Rae said, "But I might not be." Rae looked back down at her work. Stacey watched her for a moment, shaking her head in disbelief.

"Wanna know how our study session went?"

"I know how your study session went." Finn had told her in exacting detail about the study session. How he had insisted they go to the library, not her place. How he'd insisted they sit on opposite sides of the table. How she'd kept changing the topic off the work to personal things. How he'd pretty much written the damn script himself, determined to get it done this session, so as to not need another one with her. How she'd insisted they'd need rehearsal time since they had to perform it so soon. He'd even given Rae his script, anxiously asking her to check if it was alright. It had needed some work, but the basic premise had been sound.

"Finn's got a nice cock don't he?' Stacey changed tact.

"Yeah I know." Rae said sweetly, "better than you do."

"Are you sure about that fat girl?" Rae sighed internally but kept the sweet smile on her face.

"Look Stacey, I know you still like Finn. I can't blame you. He is so…" She considered the right word to use for a moment, "dreamy, isn't he?" She folded her hands, imitating Kester and looked at Stacey sympathetically, "but you will never have him. Ever. Even if we break up." She shook her head slowly, "I suggest you find another boy to get your knickers wet over."

"It's only a matter of time before he realises just how mingy y'are."

"Maybe." Rae shrugged, "but I'll enjoy him and his beautiful cock, until he does."

"Won't take long." Stacey said, "not only are you ugly, but he's used to having a lot o' girls… he'll get so bored o' you."

Rae felt her insides churn. She was afraid of that. She was afraid that he'd suddenly realise she was fat and ugly too, but he was working hard to dispel that fear. She hadn't really told him that she worried that he'd get bored of having just one girl after all the many girls he'd had in the past… and all the many girls that were still open to him now. Rae took a steadying breath and cocked her jaw up.

"You really think he'd get bored of a girl who loves a threesome?" Rae alluded deliberately to the rumours.

"Oh hey!" Finn said in a happy tone, "fuck off Stacey!" He grinned at her before sitting next to Rae, straddling the bench, scooting in to be as close to her as possible and taking her face in is hands before kissing her deeply and passionately.

"Was it a threesome?" Stacey asked Finn. Finn didn't look at her, he kept his eye on Rae, making sure she heard what he said.

"I don't touch other girls. Ever. I'm not interested in other girls. Ever." He turned to Stacey, "I mean, you of all people, should know how full of shite rumours are." Rae could tell that Finn relished the chance to confront Stacey about the lie she told the school about them having sex. He enjoyed it because it was in front of Rae, and he wanted her to know that he had told her the truth. That he would never lie to her.

"Some are some aren't." Stacey said with a tight grin. "Anyway I've got better places to be." She turned on her heels and marched away.

"Gosh what a pity." Rae murmured, "I'll so miss her company."

"What'd she say this time?" Finn asked as he started looking through the homework notes.

"Same old shite." She thought about all the things Stacey had said, "She told me you'd get bored of me."

"Well that's a load o' bollocks." Finn sorted through his bag and found his notebook and some pens.

"Is it?" Rae said in a small voice, trying to shine a light on her fear as Kester had suggested. Finn stopped what he was doing and looked at her.

"I already told you Miss Earl that I got about 50 years o' experimenting to do with you afore I run out o' ideas o' things I wanna do to you." He grinned smuttily, "by the time you gotta start worrying I'll have forgotten the stuff we already done and break me fucking hip trying to fuck you hard like the dirty, dirty wench y'are." She opened her mouth in surprise at his words.

"Aye, I like it when you open your mouth like that. Pity me pants aren't around me ankles." He smiled, biting his tongue between his front teeth, pleased with himself and raised his eyebrows suggestively. His bottom lip found its way between his teeth as his eyes went down to her lips.

"Did I see you buy some red lipstick?" He asked, almost groaning.

"You might have." She said, trying to hide how pleased and turned on she was.

"I'd like to see that smudged all over me cock."

"I think you're the dirty wench Finn."

"I don't care what I am as long as I get to fuck you." She laughed, shaking her head, intensely happy with the things he said to her. She turned back to the essay questions and his hand stroked her back gently as he turned his eyes back to them as well. She felt him trace out some words.

_You're perfect_

And she had to smile at the way he looked out the corner of his eye at her. He noticed her hand raise to the diamond at her throat, she played with it a lot and it never failed to put butterflies in his stomach. He focussed again on his work, trying to figure out which essay he wanted to tackle.

"She's still got a thing for you Finn." Rae said as she picked up her pen and jotted down the essay question she decided upon.

"I know." He said with no hint of pride or arrogance. Rae watched him for a moment as he read the essay questions again. He turned his eyes to her, "I'm thinking of doing the historical context in which 1984 were written question. Archer's right up on his history, and it were written during world war 2 right?"

"It doesn't bother you that she still likes you?"

"It bothers me… cos o' the way she acts. And that I can see that it worries you. But I can't change the way she feels." He shrugged, "all I can do is try to make sure you know that you and me is sound." He looked at her, gauging her response, "so d'you know that? That we're sound. We're solid. Stacey means nought to me."

"I know." She was rewarded by a brilliant smile and an intensely deep kiss. He stroked her face, staring at her with such a look of happiness that Rae was sure he'd say it. That look of love in his eyes was more intense than ever, it seemed to be constantly growing.

"What's happening in your head girl?" He asked and Rae became aware that she must be giving him the exact same look. She realised that it was possible that he was waiting for her to say it first.

She suddenly laughed at the ridiculousness of that and kissed him, even as he gave her a confused look.

"You make me so happy." She ginned and turned back to the homework. "I think the historical context question might be the hardest one."

"Aye, but I want to add some commentary about its contemporary significance and I think this question is the best one for talking about the way the book transcends the time it were written in." Finn grabbed a pen and wrote a few ideas as they came to him.

"You should hear yourself Finn." Rae said with a proud smile and he turned to her with a small anxious smile.

"I like the book alright?" He shrugged shyly.

"I love that you like this book Finn!" She exclaimed, "It's one of my favourites!" She looked down at his notes, "I meant that you sound like an expert advanced English student already and it's only been a week." Finn gave a tight smile and shook his head.

"Got a long way to go for that!" He said and focussed on starting the outline for his essay, but Rae could tell he was pleased with what she'd said.

_'Do You Love Me' by Nick Cave and the Bad Seeds_

_To want. To need. _

_Desire._

_The way her mouth turns up when she smiles. The way her voice sounds when she tells her little jokes._

_To touch her._

_Smell her. Taste her._

_To be inside her._

_To fuck._

_To fuck her._

_To fuck her until she cries out._

_Pleasure or pain?_

_Or both?_

_Both._

_The exquisite look on her face. _

_A hint of fear. _

_Her skin lights up like the moon when the sun falls across her naked form. Her hair is as dark as the night. _

_She plays innocent._

_But I know what's inside her. _

_She is a storm. She is a hurricane. _

_She will rage and smash upon the shore. _

_She tried to break me._

_But here I am. _

_Look at the way her head rolls back as her body gets fucked. _

_I've learned just how much she loves to get fucked._

_She loves to cum._

_I love her._

_I love her more than every star in the sky._

_What a surprise that was._

_To love Rae Earl._

_It was not expected. Not intended. _

_But now it consumes me._

_It fills me._

_It's everything._

_This love is everything._

_I know her._

_I know her better than anyone._

_We belong together._

_Look at her shake. Look at her._

_She is glorious in orgasm._

_She is a woman._

_A tigress._

_She could tear the heart of a man out. _

_Do you love me Rae?_

_Do you?_

_Let me feel you wrap those legs around me._

_Let me do things to you._

_Let me… make you scream._

He came almost silently. His semen spurting out hard, splatting everywhere.

He swore to himself and grabbed some tissues to gently wipe the small semen splat off his binoculars. He put them on the passenger seat of his car and cleaned up his lap, throwing the wadded tissue paper in the back seat before grabbing the binoculars and refocussing them for a better view.

They were still fucking.

They fucked a lot.

_Look at her hands on is back._

_Why do you touch him like that Rae?_

_You won't touch me like that._

He watched as Finn, still erect, withdrew from Rae and kissed his way down her body, diving into licking her pussy with real relish. He watched the way she arched her back and ran her fingers through his hair.

_Why won't you let me do that to you Rae?_

_Why do you let him touch you, but not me?_

He watched him finger her, licking hungrily as if her orgasm would give him life.

He watched her throat working, knew she was about to cum.

He knew exactly how she looked in orgasm.

Every minutiae of her being when orgasm ripped through her was committed to memory. Replayed when he was alone.

He'd masturbate until his cock hurt, blocking out Finn, imaging himself there, making her move like that.

He watched Finn thrust back into her before she'd finished shaking from her previous orgasm, a favourite move of his.

She seemed all sweet and innocent. Like she'd never do this kind of stuff. But he knew she swallowed, knew Finn spanked her on occasion, knew she masturbated, knew she was thinking of letting Finn tie her up; he'd seen her checking the strength on her tights to see if they'd be any good for it.

He'd heard her scream in orgasm; the sweet ecstasy in her voice had been almost too much for him.

It had been a shock to see his Rae like this.

The girl he thought she was; shy about her body, innocent.

To see her revelling in sex so thoroughly.

At times it angered him.

_How dare she let anyone else touch her purity?_

At times he lived for the thought that she was obviously such a whore.

_Think of all the things you'll do to her… And that whore will like it._

And always he hated Finn.

_But why him?_

_He shouldn't touch her._

_She doesn't belong to him._

_Rae belongs to me!_

_He has her. He's allowed to touch her_

_And he's always around her._

_But that's alright._

_I've got a plan to get rid of him._

_I know how to get to her._

_'Hey Little Girl' by Icehouse_

"Weren't expecting to see you again!" Liam was sitting on a bench, sucking on a cigarette. "Thought you were back in with the Avengers."

"Did you tell everyone that I kissed Finn?" Chloe stood before him, once again feigning confidence, as she had for most of her life.

"No." Liam answered with a cheeky grin. "That image is not the sorta thing I need to be thinking about." He motioned for her to sit down with him. "Keep me company." She stayed standing.

"Did you tell anyone?" She persisted. He shrugged and pulled the cigarette from his mouth.

"Might of." He blew smoke out in her direction, "don't remember."

"Everyone at school is talking about it."

"I heard!" He said impressed. "Everything from; he dates Rae cos she lets him fuck her hot friends, to you're always in a threesome to Rae's in denial." He winked at her. "Which is it pet?"

"You did it deliberately didn't you?"

"No." He answered seriously. "Look Chloe," he looked away, "if I did say anything, it were an accident." He motioned for her to sit down again, "why would I do anything to hurt you?" He grinned at her, "I like you, little girl."

"You would have told people to hurt Rae. It's got nothing to do with me." She stood her ground.

"Except that everyone's calling you a slut again. Saying even your best mate can't trust you."

"That don't matter."

"No but it does." He said slowly. "It does." He looked at her strangely, "sit down Chloe."

"I told Finn everything you did to Rae." She said angrily, "He'll smash you when he sees you."

"He can try." Liam grinned, "Sit down." He tried again

"Are you Rae's stalker?" She asked defiantly.

"She got herself a stalker?" He chuckled. "Well doesn't Rae just have a glut of gentlemen callers?" He smiled strangely and Chloe felt her skin crawl.

"You're disgusting."

"Oh don't talk dirty to me! You'll turn me on." He grinned and she shook her head at him. "Oh come on Chlo, you know I mean no harm."

"No, but I don't know that Liam." She shook her head. "I want to believe that you're a good guy on account of what you did with them knob heads… that were real decent. But…"

"What do your instincts tell you?" He asked, seemingly earnest.

"I don't know." She looked away, "can't trust me instincts. I'm crap at things like that."

"According to you, you're crap at most things." Chloe looked at him with wary eyes, "is there anything y'are good at little girl?"

"Men." She lowered her eyes.

"So why are you stopping yourself from doing that?"

"Cos men are arseholes." Her response made Liam break out into a big grin.

"Too right." He offered her a cigarette and she took it, tentatively sitting down beside him.

"Are you Rae's stalker?"

"Don't be daft!" Liam scoffed.

"You sounded kinda crazed before." Chloe sucked on the cigarette slowly.

"Ah I always sound that way." He watched her from the corner of his eye, "I liked your mate. I liked Rae a lot. More than I let on." He smiled sadly, "so yeah, I were upset that she dumped me." He shrugged, "but I've moved on little girl." He said and turned to her, watching her smoke, her eyes wandering over the grass of the hospital grounds.

"Oh yeah to who?"

"Didn't say it were to a person." He smiled cryptically. "I'm in a different state o' mind." He shrugged, "I'm a different person; I do different things now."

"Like what?" She asked sceptically.

"I like to quietly sit, drinking tea and people watch." He said with a strange smile.

"Oh right." She obviously didn't believe him.

"Ok maybe I don't drink the tea." He said with a devious smile.

"I always saw you as a gin kind of a guy." Chloe smiled.

"Gin?"

"Rum?" She guessed.

"I do like rum." He turned to her, "How are the Scooby gang working out for you?"

"Good." Chloe said lowering her eyes.

"Try to look like you mean it." Liam scoffed.

"I do. Rae's good." Chloe nodded, "you know, you'd hardly believe that I snogged her boyfriend, she so good to me. And Archie were always good. Izzy…" Chloe looked away, "I don't wanna talk about Izzy and Chop." She took a deep breath, "and Finn acts like I don't exist about 99% o' the time. And occasionally breaks the silence to say hello." She shook her head, "I don't blame him. He just protecting Rae."

"But it makes you feel shite?" Liam proffered. Chloe nodded. "Why do you need anything from that wanker anyway? Don't worry about him." Liam laughed, "Leave him to worship at the altar of Rae's cunt."

"You're disgusting. I don't even know why I'm talking to you."

"Don't be like that little girl!" He laughed. She shook her head and drew on the cigarette. "You know I'm right about that knob."

"Why do you hate him so much? You don't even know him." Chloe narrowed her eyes at him.

"He took what was mine." Liam shrugged. "Guys are like that." He explained.

"I thought you were over Rae." Liam smiled enigmatically at Chloe and looked away as he lit another cigarette.

"Aren't you supposed to be over Finn?" He asked astutely. She nodded her head slowly, looking at the ground.

"I am." She said the words, but they hardly sounded like they'd come out of her mouth.

"You're a bad liar." Liam sucked on his cigarette.

"You too." She looked up at him and he smiled sympathetically at her.

"I vote that we get blind drunk and forget all our worries little girl."

"I don't think so." Chloe shook her head.

"Oh why not?" Liam sounded almost offended.

"I can't trust men." She shook her head, "so…" She shrugged.

"Oh Chlo." He said softly, "you can trust me little girl."

_I know I'm s'posed to stay in the hospital when Finn's in therapy, I sorta promised him I would…_

_But it's actually a nice day today, so a quick little walk outside won't hurt nobody!_

_And he'll never know. _

_Besides, I haven't had anything from that stalker knobhead since the bird._

_Poor bird._

_Archie said that cutting the heart out instead of giving me the card with the heart on it was kind of poetic. _

_Poetic?_

_What the fuck Archer? _

_It's nice to be out here._

_Helps clear me head. _

_I keep thinking of Izzy squeezing me hand while they put that fucking needle in her spine. _

_That's an image I need to not have anymore. _

_I've spent a sizeable amount of every day since I found out she were sick thinking about it._

_Why Izzy?_

_Am I a shit friend for not going to the library and looking up bone biopsies?_

_WHY IZZY?_

_Why?_

_Why couldn't it have been Ian and Ben and all them guys? Death by cancer of the dick._

_'Cancer of the dick; only affects rapists.'_

_Now this is a cancer I could get behind. _

_Oh Izzy._

Rae sniffed and felt the cold Breeze hit her face like a slap.

When the breeze was still, the sun was warm and the day was bright. She decided to go sit on the benches for a little while before heading back in.

She came around the corner of the building, her eyes down, hands in her jacket pockets and headed across the grass to the seats.

She raised her eyes and saw Liam's back. He was sitting on the bench facing away across the grass. She stopped in her tracks, a knot in her stomach and started to back away, until it finally registered that he was not alone.

"Chloe?" She barely made a noise as she said her name. She ran forward, furious at Liam for going near Chloe. Chloe was vulnerable. She needed protecting, not exploiting.

She pushed Liam hard, in the centre of the back and he fell forward off the bench. Chloe turned around in shock.

"Rae?" She breathed, confusion on her face.

"You stay away from me best mate!" Rae yelled at Liam, striding around the table to get in between Chloe and him. Liam rounded on her, anger in his eyes.

"Or what?" Rae clenched her fist and punched him as hard as she could in the jaw. As soon as her fist hit him she felt pain. He staggered back and Rae grabbed Chloe and pulled her to her feet.

"Come on." She ordered Chloe, shaking her hand in pain.

"Rae what are you doing?" Chloe asked as she stumbled to her feet.

"What's your fucking problem?" Liam came at her but Rae pushed him back.

"Don't come near her!" Rae spat vehemently. She went to push Liam again but he grabbed her wrists.

"Don't push me around Rae." Rae tried to pull her wrists from his hands but he squeezed tighter.

"Let go of me!" Rae kicked his shin hard and managed to pull one of her wrists loose as he grunted in pain.

He pulled her to him with her other, her body slamming against his.

"Do that again and you'll regret it." He said through gritted teeth to her before letting her go with a push.

Rae stumbled back and instantly reached out for Chloe.

"Come on." She said again and Chloe went to her. Rae hugged her protectively. "I won't let you drag her down with you." Rae told him.

"You can't stop Chlo and me from being mates." He said smugly.

"You're not mates." Rae retorted. "You're just another knife pressed against skin." Rae shook her head, "and I won't let her do it to herself."

Rae turned and walked away with Chloe as fast as she could, shaking, afraid he'd follow. But she heard him chuckling, felt Chloe look over her shoulder at him.

"What are you even doing here Chloe?" Rae asked, trying to get Chloe to look at her instead of Liam.

"He just got bumped up from part-time to full-time admission." Chloe said, "So I thought I should visit, like I said I would."

"He got admitted?"

_Explains why I haven't seen him around much._

"It was just weekends at first. But he tried again so…"

"Tried what?"

"To kill himself." Rae stopped walking and turned to look at Chloe. Seeing the honesty in her eyes she turned to look at Liam, still standing back at the seats. He saluted and laughed loudly.

"Why didn't they properly admit him the first time?"

"I think there weren't enough room." Chloe said, "He kinda needs a room to himself." Rae turned away and pulled Chloe to her as she started to walk again.

"I don't care." Rae said resolutely, "I don't care. He's bad news Chloe." She tried to convince herself.

"He needs a friend."

"Well he'll have to find someone else." Rae said dispassionately.

"You didn't give up on me." Chloe said softly.

"You're different Chlo. Trust me." She looked at Chloe earnestly, "promise me you'll try to stay away from him?"

"Ok Rae." She tutted and grinned, trying to break the tension and Rae grinned too. "Can't believe you thumped him." Chloe shook her head in surprise. Rae tentatively bent the fingers in her hand.

"I can!"

"It hurt?" Chloe asked looking at her hand and Rae nodded. They both started laughing.

"I don't know how boys do it!" Rae laughed.

"More practice." Chloe shrugged.

"We need to get back to the boxing joint!" Rae laughed.

"There were so many good looking guys there Rae!" Chloe gushed, "I almost feel like giving up on my 'no boys' policy!" she giggled.

"Well if we can find a good one for you down there, then maybe it won't be such a bad thing to lose that policy?" Rae asked tentatively.

"Not yet." Chloe sighed. "Not yet."

When Finn came out of therapy he panicked, Rae wasn't sitting where she was supposed to be, he walked up the hallway, his heart beating, his mind racing, how was he gonna find her? But she was just at the drink machine, laughing with Chloe, waiting for her to make a choice, obviously on her way back to where she'd agreed to stay. He smiled, taking a deep breath and slowly walked up to them. He kissed her on the cheek and she beamed at him. Chloe averted her eyes and Finn knew he had to make more of an effort with her. She was Rae's best mate.

"Alright Chlo?" He asked and she turned her eyes to him.

"Yeah fine." She answered softly.

"Good." He nodded. "Where we off to?"

"Walking Chloe home." Rae said and Finn nodded.

"Of course!" He tried to sound happier about that than he was. He kept his mouth shut, took Rae's hand and let the girls lead the way.

_'It Can't Rain all the Time' by Jane Siberry_

"Isabella has acute lymphocytic leukaemia." The doctor looked through her notes and Chop screwed up his face.

"I thought leukaemia killed kids." Chop asked. Victoria turned her eyes to him and Bradley sighed heavily. Izzy had insisted that Chop come to every appointment now. Victoria didn't mind; whatever her daughter wanted, she got. But Bradley, Izzy's dad, did not like Chop; he thought his daughter could do better, and he barely tolerated Chop at the best of times. Having him involved in what he thought was an intimate family matter grinded on him.

"Normally." The doctor said with an awkward nod. "But there are many adult sufferers as well." She smiled reassuringly, "in fact Izzy has one of the more common types of leukaemia found in young adults…"

"Well that's bad innit?" Chop said concerned, "she have to vie for treatment with a whole bunch o' twats. Can you make sure me girl gets the treatment first?" Chop asked sincerely.

"It doesn't work like that." Bradley said, deeply unimpressed, "Everyone gets equal access to treatment Arnold."

"Well I don't care about everyone, I care about Izzy, don't I?" Chop retorted.

"It's good news," Doctor Sharma interjected, "that Isabella has a more common form of cancer. It means we have more practice curing it Arnold." She said kindly. "It means we're more likely to succeed, have a positive outcome."

"Oh right."

"It doesn't appear to have spread to the spinal cord or brain. But we will need to test that again in a little while; given Izzy's age it is probable that we will find some in the central nervous system." She was all business now; sympathising but factual.

"We will need to treat the cancer quite aggressively, so we'll start on intravenous injections of Daunorubicin and Cytarabine on Monday. Make an appointment with the receptionist on your way out." Dr Sharma closed her folder, "There will be side effects."

"I'll lose me hair?" Izzy asked, already knowing the answer.

"Quite probably. Even your eyelashes will probably fall out." Dr Sharma nodded. "But more importantly, there is an increased risk of infertility associated with chemotherapy." Izzy turned her eyes to Chop, who looked pained, but reached out his hand to her and she took it, her innards churning.

"How much of a risk?"

"With the drugs I'll be starting you on, it's relatively low. But it is still an important consideration."

"Is there anything we can do?" Izzy asked, her voice wavering.

"I can make an appointment with a fertility expert for you this afternoon, so that you can see them before you start treatment? We will probably have to delay your treatment to do fertility preservation." Dr Sharma told her, "but if that's what you'd like to do."

"Yes." Izzy answered.

She made a note in Izzy's folder and then looked up, "He will probably suggest freezing some eggs." Izzy nodded and Dr Sharma picked up her phone and told the receptionist to call Dr Williams and make an emergency appointment.

"Now I need you all to understand, that we are in for a very long battle, it will likely be years before we can say that Isabella is in the clear." Izzy started to cry and Chop got up and knelt before her.

"It's alright, we'll get through it.' He murmured to her as her parents came over to comfort her.

"What about school?" She asked softly, "and university." She looked at Chop, "I wanted to be a fashion designer."

"And you still will be."

"Arrangements can be made with your school." Dr Sharma said. "You'll be in hospital for much of the first course of treatments. But for the subsequent courses, some patients are able to continue with a light, even medium work load; it really depends on your body's reaction to the treatment. But your boyfriend there is right; there's no reason you can't still do the things you want with your life."

"So the prognosis is good?" Bradley asked tensely.

"We'll need cytogenetic testing for a clearer indication." Dr Sharma answered with a smile. "But leukaemia has an decent survival rate overall."

"What are the other side effects?" Victoria asked. Chop stayed, kneeling in front of Izzy, gently stroking her back and wishing he could do something.

"It's a long list." Dr Sharma pulled out several booklets and handed them to Izzy. "But it's unlikely you'll get all of them," she said soothingly, "your risk of infection will increase, and you'll bruise and bleed easier." Chop looked at Izzy, his face filled with concern, he felt tears in the back of his throat, but he held his emotions in check, for her. "You'll get pink or red urine after your treatments. You'll probably get nausea, but I'll prescribe an anti-emetic drug for that." She wrote out a prescription as she continued, "loss of appetite, tiredness, you might get ulcers and soreness in your mouth." Izzy took a deep breath, feeling panic welling up from deep inside of her; she knew she couldn't get through all of this, "diarrhoea is common, your skin will be more sensitive to sunlight, your kidneys and liver might struggle a bit. Your periods may stop." She put on a sympathetic face, but still there was more, "there's an increased risk of thrombosis."

"What's that?" Chop said, his mouth feeling as if it were stuffed with cotton wool. Victoria looked horrified at the list, and Bradley put a hand up to his face, holding in the emotions that threatened to pour out of him.

"Blood clots. They can be dangerous. But we'll be on the lookout for them, so it should be ok." Dr Sharma answered, "You might get gout, I'll need to drink at least 2 litres of water a day." Izzy nodded despondently and took another steadying breath, "and you'll need to use condoms. Not just because getting pregnant during chemotherapy is a very bad idea, but because you may have chemotherapy drugs in your vaginal fluid, and then you'll pass them on to Arnold and he'll get sick." Bradley cleared his throat and Victoria looked away. Izzy swallowed hard, feeling somehow shamed by this. Chop put on a brave face and stroked her hair but her hand shot up and stopped him.

"It's gonna fall out." She said in a small voice. Chop let his hand drop and looked down, not knowing what to do.

"We'll do your first course of treatment over 8 weeks I think. Let's hit it hard and fast. Show it who's boss." She smiled reassuringly and looked down at the booklets in Izzy's hand.

"There's a lot of information in those booklets. Have a read of them, and call me," She handed Izzy her card, "if you have any questions at all." Izzy nodded and Dr Sharma gave her another reassuring smile, "I will see you on Monday."

_'This Magic Moment' by Lou Reed_

She sat down on Chop's lounge. Thinking that only last week she was laughing at Rae and Finn shagging on it. She ran her hands over the arms of the lounge. A smooth, cream coloured, plush piece of perfection. It didn't seem like the kind of thing Chop would choose, until you met his girlfriend.

Chop walked in slowly, carrying two cups of tea in one hand, his fingers looping through the handles of both mugs, and a big plate of pies and chips, covered with tomato sauce in the other. He put them on the coffee table and sat down beside her. They ate and drank in silence for a while. Izzy taking the lid off a pie and dunking chips in the meat, but still not eating as much as Chop would like.

"I want you to tell the gang to treat me like normal." Izzy said suddenly and Chop nodded, indicating that he'd do whatever she said. "And I want you to act like everything's normal." She looked him in the eye, "I don't want it to be all miserable whenever I'm around. I wanna laugh and have fun." She looked down, "especially since I'm gonna be so sick and…" She trailed off and looked away.

"Got it." Chop said, "Gang will be on notice." He tried to smile but it felt wrong on his lips.

"And…" She turned away, but Chop moved closer, putting his hand on her back and knee. "I'm sorry about the fertility thing…" A tear dropped from her face onto her hand and she sniffed hard, "I know how much you wanna have children. So if you don't wanna be with-" She started to cry and she covered her face with her hands like a small child would. Chop watched her, bewildered.

"Izzy?" He asked, wanting her to tell him what to do. But he realised it was up to him to just do what felt right. He slipped off the couch and knelt before her, gently taking her hands from her face.

"I went and bought something real important this morning." He said. She smiled at him and gently touched his cheek.

"What did you get?"

"I got you a sewing mannequin."

"Chop?" She asked amazed. She started to grin as she imagined the way he must have looked, going into the store.

"Lady at the store said it were the best one. Looks like it can do stuff in your size and Rae's. I know how you're enjoying making that dress for Rae." He nodded happily, hoping for her approval, and Izzy leaned down and kissed him.

"Thank you." She smiled sadly, "You didn't have to."

"Nah but I wanted to." He grinned and she took a deep steadying breath.

"You don't have to stay with me Arnold." She said softly, her hand on his face.

"Yeah but I want to."

"But all the years I've known you, you wanted a big family."

"That is true." Chop answered.

"So I understand if-"

"You're worth more to me than kids Isabella Reid." She looked into his eyes and felt calm. Like she could get through anything. She felt strong. She felt brave.

"I love you Chop." He nodded in response.

"I got this other thing too." He looked down as he spoke and Izzy could see his hands shaking, "I actually got this one a few weeks ago, but now seems like a real good time to give it to you." He fumbled with something in his pocket, "I been carrying it around lately, waiting for the right time," he explained nervously, and drew out a small box. "Izzy girl. I love you more than I love me own life. And I meant what I said to you afore. We get through this, and then you be me wife yeah?" He opened up the box and Izzy's hands shot to her face. She said nothing, just stared at the ring, tears streaming down her face.

"I know that sapphires are your favourite." He said with a shy smile and took the ring out of the box. It was a huge single sapphire, surrounded by smaller diamonds embedded in an ornate white gold band. He took her hand, waiting for any sign from her, but she simply watched as he slowly slid the ring on her finger.

"Marry me Izzy?" He asked with a crooked grin, trying to hide how terrified he was of her response. She nodded her head, biting her bottom lip and threw her arms around him, kissing him frantically and nearly knocking him over. He wrapped his arms tightly around her and carefully laid her down on the floor. He hesitated, wondering if it was right to have at her when she were sick, but she was already removing his clothes. And Chop never needed to be asked twice.

_'A Girl Like You' by Edwyn Collins_

He paused his stomach clenching as his fingers brushed hers when she passed him her notes. She sat down across from him, rolling her eyes when her hair got caught in the straps of her bag.

"Hey." He greeted her with a smile.

"Hiya."

She was a little late. Probably because lunch preceded this free period, and he knew Finn would slow her down, dawdling, insisting that he know where she is at every moment. Phillip pursed his lips slightly, trying to not show how annoying that thought was and waited for her to settle down, she made a loud sighing noise as she looked into her bag.

"Alright, these are the rest of me notes." She pulled them out of her bag and shoved the end of her pen in her mouth while she put her hair up into a messy ponytail. He looked down at the notes.

"So you've decided on Sebastian as the guy's name?" Rae nodded, "why?" He chuckled.

"I don't know any Sebastians." She shrugged and he mirrored her action with a smile.

"Sound logic."

"It's my speciality." She grinned, "Which is funny cos we all know how mad I am." He beamed at her and chuckled, noticing the way her eyes lit up when she smiled. "So what'd you name the girl?" Rae asked reaching for his notes.

"Rhiannon." Rae looked at him with a questioning expression, "it means great queen or goddess. And that's what she is to him." Phillip explained.

"Oh right." She looked down at the papers, "Rhiannon and Sebastian… might have to change his name."

"We can change mine."

"No I like yours. Umm…." She looked up, thinking.

"Do you always write half a play without naming the main characters?" He asked with a smile.

"First play I've written." She shrugged, "But names are hard!" He nodded, trying to stop himself from grinning.

"We could go with Peter."

"I bet you've got some sort of amazing reason for that." She joked.

"Well Peter, is the rock that the Christian faith was built on… it seems fitting; Peter and his goddess." She gave him a face denoting that she was impressed.

"I like it Philly, me boy." She wrote down the name, "O' course no one will ever know this but us."

"That's the torment of being a writer, isn't it?" Phillip was blushing slightly at being called 'Philly me boy' but he hid it admirably, "we put all this stuff in what we write, but no one will ever know." She smiled at him and looked down at the blank page she had set up for writing.

"So where will we begin today?"

"I think we should get the kissing scene done today." Phillip suggested in businesslike manner and Rae nodded.

"If we even have a kiss!" Rae reminded him.

"It seems ridiculous to have a romance without a kiss." Phillip said a little snippily, "I think Elsa could be a bit more… particular about this with the leads actors, you know?" Rae shrugged.

"I don't mind… I mean I kinda like the respecting boundaries thing… but I do admit; it would be good to get a bit of a snog in there."

"You could just not go for the leads if you won't do a stage kiss." Phillip mumbled. Rae shook her head at him and decided focussing on writing the scene was best.

"We gotta have a decent lead in to something like that though… like they should talk or something."

"I think he could declare his love for her." Rae screwed up her face at his suggestion.

"Seems a bit quick, don't it? Maybe he can just compliment her something?"

"He could tell her she's got beautiful eyes."

"What colour?" Rae wrote down a note and looked up at him, "he should be specific like; 'your eyes are like the ocean at sunset…' or something."

"Not blue." He said slowly, smiling at her words.

"So brown?"

"Not brown. That's too pedestrian." He took a breath, "your eyes are the colour of rich earth, from which life itself springs with tiny drops of green, like moss filled dew and specks of golden sunshine. And when you smile the entire universe is born within their depths; life, love, laughter… my whole world can be read in the tiny fibres of your miraculous eyes." There was a silence, Rae's eyes locked on Phil's.

"Wow." She breathed slowly, "Peter's a bit of a poet." She looked down and started to write what Phillip had said and he took a deep breath, and tried to let out some tension when he breathed it out. "That's beautiful that is." Rae grinned. "Tell you what Phil, when you start wooing a lass, she gonna be right proper knocked on her arse!" Rae laughed and he smiled tightly.

"Probably not." He bit the inside of his mouth, similar to how Finn did and Rae noticed it, giving a fond smile as she thought about Finn. "Anyway." He cleared his throat, "how d'you think she'd respond?"

"I dunno… I'm actually useless at romance."

"Well if someone said that to you…?"

"I wouldn't believe 'em!" She laughed.

"C'mon Rae." Phillip encouraged, and Rae took a moment to think. What would she say or do if Finn said something like that to her?

"I'd probably shag him." Rae shrugged. "Right then and there."

"Huh." Phil said softly, his lips slightly parted, his eyes not leaving her face, his heart thumping in his chest. He swallowed hard and looked down at his notes, "Well we can't have that on the stage… We're not Ancient Greek theatre." She laughed and he joined in after he'd had a moment to gather himself.

"So we might have to have a more tame response!" Rae laughed.

"No but what you said is honest… so…"

"So maybe we can tame her response like… they had an argument before or… he's done something to make her angry."

"So when he says that stuff about how stunningly beautiful every little thing about her is… she's doesn't just… shag" he said the word tentatively, savouring the way it felt in his mouth, "him… because she distrusts the situation."

"Perfect." She grinned. "We should write the argument first, so we can refer to it in the make up slash make out scene." Phillip grinned and turned to a fresh page. "Oh… and Elsa said we needed to add some more side plot stuff. The minor characters don't have enough stuff happening."

"Alright." Phil jotted down a note on a different page.

"So what can they argue about?" Rae asked writing down a few notes.

"I dunno." Phil scratched his head, "What do people in relationships argue about?" He looked at her intently.

"I dunno… all sorts o' things." She shook her head. "Mostly little things."

"What about jealousy?" Phillip asked, not meaning to sound as pointed as he did. Rae raised her eyes to him.

"You meaning Finn?" She asked gently and Phillip averted his eyes self-consciously.

"No." He mumbled.

"Truth now?" She prodded with a small smile.

"Ok yes." He nodded in answer, but then shook his head at where the conversation was going.

"He is a little over-protective… but not without reason." She said softly. Phil lowered his eyes, knowing that the time had come for her to fully rebuff him. He braced himself for her words and raised his eyes to see her taking a breath, ready to speak.

"I got a stalker." She shrugged but then looked a little more serious. "And you know… he suspects everyone." She smiled grimly, "even you, me ol' pal."

Phillip looked out across the school, not knowing what to think or feel.

"A stalker?" He asked eventually, his face unreadable. "What makes him a stalker?"

"Well… he sent a lot o' gifts to me house." She looked away, hating to talk about this.

"Don't that just make him a secret admirer?"

"And some dead animals." Rae didn't look to see his response, she took a deep breath and decided to look on the bright side, "But he hasn't sent anything for like… a week now. So I think he might finally be over me." Phil hesitated, unsure what to say. "So Finn probably could settle down a little now."

"I don't think you're the kind of girl that guys get over just like that."

"You what?" She asked surprised.

"I think that this is one of the very few things on this planet that Finn and I could actually agree upon: you need to keep safe." He said softly, measured. Rae smiled grimly.

"I'm fine. I been staying at Finn's a lot."

"Oh." Phil's voice was unreadable and Rae found herself looking at him closely, trying to figure out his facial expression. "I don't think that's a good idea." He said softly.

"Why?" Rae sat back from the table and tried to read his body language.

"Because the stalker is probably wondering where you've been. And being at your boyfriend's house will probably piss him right off." Phillip answered with a grim look.

"Oh." Rae looked down, "I hadn't thought o' that." She looked up at Phil. "D'you think he's watching my place?"

"I guarantee he's watching your place." He breathed. Rae looked away again, sucking her bottom lip in thought. "You'd be safest in your own home, with the doors locked, of course." Phil said firmly. "You should stay at your place."

"How d'you figure that, if he's watching?" Phillip caught her eye and leaned forward.

"If he knows where you are and what you're doing, he'll feel more in control. Things will be easier for you that way." Phillip spoke slowly, "if he doesn't know where you are, I imagine he'll be in a very bad mood. And things will go less well for you." Phil blinked slowly, "especially if he knows you're at Finn's place all the time." He smiled resolutely, "your place is safer. Watched, but safer, cos he'll know where you are. So he won't escalate further." There was an undercurrent in Phillip's voice that Rae didn't understand.

"Well I spend some time at home as well." Rae said softly, feeling afraid. She hadn't realised that her actions could be driving the stalker's behaviour.

"That is definitely best." He looked away for a moment, "until they catch him I guess." Rae felt a sense of doom shadowing her, rushing towards her. It was like watching gathering storm clouds on the horizon and knowing it was heading your way, no matter what you did.

"Anyway." She tried to shake that feeling, "I'm sorry about Finn giving you grief."

"Don't be. It's his actions, not yours."

"Well from what I've seen lately, you're giving as good as you get nowadays. Not that you two let me hear what you're saying."

"Just as friendly rivalry." Phillip answered shortly.

"About what?" Rae asked intently.

"Just dickhead guys being dickhead guys." He said with a grin, "Anyway, I'm not gonna let your twat boyfriend stop me from being around you. I like you." He panicked for a moment then added, "you're a good friend."

"Finn's not a twat."

"Yeah, well, try seeing it from my perspective." Phillip answered dismissively.

"Try seeing it from his." Rae answered coolly.

"You're right, I'm sorry." Phillip took her hand, "don't be mad at me Rae?"

"I'm not. Just don't call Finn a twat."

"Not unless it's to his face?" Phillip grinned and Rae rolled her eyes, gently taking her hand from his she picked up her pen.

"If you say it to his face he'll thump you. And I won't stop him." She grinned and he laughed.

"That's alright, I can handle him." Phillip felt shaky inside; this conversation had been very challenging.

"I dunno. He is pretty tough. 7 years of boxing. It's made his body very… hmmmm. Just very." She grinned and looked back down at the play they were making together with a wistful look on her face. Phillip bit his tongue, this was his usual tactic when she started talking about Finn.

"I think Rhiannon and Peter could argue over his ex-girlfriend. Maybe she can 'do a Stacey' with Peter?" He grinned at the look she gave him. "It'd be even funnier if Stacey played the part." Rae laughed and Phillip felt like he was on more even ground now.

"I had no idea how mean y'are!" She chuckled and Phillip grinned.

"She looked like a bit of a fool on that stage Rae."

"I think most people thought Finn were the fool for not wanting to kiss her."

"I don't think so." Phillip said seriously. "I wouldn't want to kiss her either." Rae shook her head at him.

"Is that the second thing you two agree on?"

"Sounds like it." Phillip's eyes sparkled as he looked at her laughing at him.

"You two have got more in common than you think."

_'Your Ghost' by Kristin Hersh_

Chloe looked down at the tomato sauce bottle.

"But Izzy's not here." She said softly.

"No but she will be soon." Chop eyed them all sternly. "So I got some rules to set down." He stood up and they all watched him silently. "One. Only talk about it if she brings it up, and then you use the tomato sauce bottle, like I was tryin' to say." He motioned to it and Chloe nodded, "Two. Don't go asking how she is all the time. Three. And this comes from Izzy." He turned his eyes to each one of the individually, "be happy." He nodded slowly, "she got enough on her plate, she needs us to be uplifting like. To be normal, when everything else is fucked." Rae nodded her head slowly and Chop knew she'd make sure the others followed orders, "Act like nothing is different, unless she say otherwise. Got it?"

"Chop…" Chloe said softly, "I don't think we can act like nothing has changed. That makes it seem like we don't care." Chop raised his hands in frustration.

"I don't care how it seems Chlo, it what she wants."

"Let's just try it this way, and Chop'll let us know if she wants it another way?" Rae smoothed things over and Finn shifted in his chair to be a little closer to her, writing on her thigh as she and Chloe communicated silently.

_I want you_

He traced on her thigh, and the slight reddening of her cheeks told him she was 'hearing' him loud and clear. He often traced these particular words on her. Every time the slightest urge to be inside of her came to him, for whatever reason, he'd trace the words on her, no matter the setting. School, classes, dinner with parents, at a movie with the gang, in the car, alone in his room, alone in her room. It never failed to make her flush pink. And right now he wanted to think about the warm comfort of Rae's soft flesh, rather than the hard realities of this conversation.

"Izzy's coming." Archie told them softly and looked down at his hands, trying to brace himself. Everyone took deep breaths and Chloe put the tomato sauce bottle in the middle of the table. Izzy came in, a huge smile on her face and everyone in the gang smiled back. Each and every one of them feeling that the smile was fake, but doing it for her.

"Hi." She sat down and an awkward silence followed, Chop glaring at Rae to fix it.

"So Chop. Party at your place again this weekend?" She asked with a huge fake grin. But Chloe saw the ring as Izzy scratched her nose gently.

"Oh my god!" She said suddenly, all eyes turning to her, unsure if she was just going to demand to talk about Izzy's cancer. But her mouth was open with joy, the awkwardness was broken. "Is that…?" She snatched Izzy's hand away from her face. Her eyes fell on the ring, scrutinising it closely before looking up to Chop with surprise.

"Holy shit.' Rae said as she leaned over the table to look. Finn watched her face closely, trying to see what she thought about it all.

"That's beautiful!" Chloe said to Chop.

"Hey don't sound so surprised!" He laughed.

"Oh my god!" Chloe laughed. "You're engaged Izzy!" Archie and Finn's eyes went to Chop who was blushing happily.

"Congrats me mate!" Finn said with a grin and a hug, before he turned his eyes back to Rae as she looked down at the ring, her hand gently playing with the necklace. Archie was hugging Chop and Izzy now. Finn joined in and hugged Izzy as Archie did. The girls didn;'t hug, just talked excitedly. He wondered if she realised what that necklace meant to him and his family, Rae now holding the necklace pendant firmly.

_When your grandmother gave that to you Finn, she intended for you to give it to your wife_

He heard his father's words and as she turned to look at him, a big smile on her face, he wondered if he should tell her what it meant to him that she wore it. She looked back at Izzy, who was beaming as Chloe gushed over the ring.

"Are you gonna set a date?" Archie asked, not knowing what to say. Izzy and Chop both lowered their eyes and Archie realised what a mistake that question had been.

"I imagine it'll be a long engagement since Izzy's coming to university with me!" Rae saved the situation quickly and Finn squeezed her thigh before writing on her leg again.

_You're so quick._

_So smart._

_So perfect._

He waited for the signs that she'd 'read' each message before writing the next one. It was subtle, but he always knew when she'd understood him, even if she made no obvious sign.

"That's right!" Izzy said. "I gotta get me degree before I think about becoming a missus!"

"And then you can birth a small rugby team!" Archie grinned, once again eliciting lowered eyes from Chop and Izzy, who sniffed gently looking away. No one understood that response, but they all guessed what it meant. Archie opened his mouth, wishing he could think of what to say to make it better.

"Well that's all in the future!" Chloe said as happily as she could and turned her eyes to Rae.

"Can I have a better look at that ring?" Rae took her cue and Izzy obliged holding her hand out for her. "Sapphires are pretty."

"What are your favourite Rae?" Izzy asked, her eyes subtly going to Finn. He saw the look on her face and had to stop himself rolling his eyes, deeply amused, and slightly shy about the whole idea.

"I quite like a good emerald. If you're going for colours that is." And the girls looked at Chloe for her opinion.

"If you're going to stray from the classic white diamond, you can't go past rubies." Chloe added. "But I suppose you prefer black diamonds Rae?" Chloe nodded to the necklace Rae was playing with.

"That I do." She grinned. "Oh but it is a beautiful sapphire." Rae looked at the ring and then at Izzy, "Your favourite. He chose so well." Rae marvelled.

"Again with the surprise!" Chop admonished and they all laughed.

"Well there's nothing for it! You have to have a big engagement party!" Rae grinned.

"At the pub!" Archie said, glad that this sentence did not elicit the negative response his last two had.

"You should have seen me dad when I told him!" Izzy laughed, "But mum told him to pipe down. It were brilliant."

"So this Saturday for the engagement party?" Rae continued with her theme.

"NO!" Chop said and the three girls turned to him with a shared questioning expression. He shrugged his response and Chloe dismissed him with a roll of her eyes.

"Not enough time to organise it proper." She said

"Exactly." Chop said.

"But we can always have a gang celebration and then do a bigger one in a few weeks time!" Izzy said and a groan escaped from Chop's throat.

"Can't." He looked at Finn who gave him a warning look, but Chop shook his head, "Finn and Archer are in a match at the college." He explained and Rae heard Finn sigh beside her. "Gotta go to it." Chop grinned. Rae turned her eyes to Finn, curious; he hadn't told her about it. Finn looked suitably chastised by the look on her face and Archie took a deep breath: they'd been found out.

"What match?" Izzy said.

"It's just an exhibition match between the firsts and seconds." Finn said softly. "It'll be dead boring. And I already checked with Karim, he's home all day Saturday, he can guard you while I play."

"Guard me?"

"You know what I mean." Finn said with a strange facial expression.

"Why didn't you tell me?"

"It's a bit of a boy's thing." Finn said, "You probably shouldn't come." He was deeply worried that she would very much hate the match. He had a feeling it would upset her. But he was so looking forward to it.

"I wanna go!" Izzy said with a grin.

"You can come with me." Chop grinned and Finn gave him a murderous look. He turned his eyes back to Rae who was looking a bit hurt.

"Finn's right, girls probably shouldn't go." Archie backed Finn, his tongue feeling the hole at the back of his teeth fondly; he'd never get that missing tooth replaced, he was too proud of it.

"What is it stripper jelly wrestling?" Chloe asked, "of course girls can go." Rae gave Archie a look that indicated she agreed with Chloe.

"In the 14 years this match has happened there's been maybe 10 girls go in total." Finn said, "girls don't like it. It's a boy thing." He insisted. The three girls shared a look that none of the boys missed this time.

"Please stay home with Karim." Finn said urgently, "I'll feel safer if you're at home." Rae looked ahead, ignoring him, Izzy and Chloe feeling in a similar mood.

The conversation, was forced by Archie, Chop backing him up, back to organising an engagement party. Rae ignoring Finn as he tried to get her attention. When Archie got up to go the loo and Finn to buy Rae a drink, Rae turned her eyes to Chop.

"You're taking us to that match." He looked at the three sets of eyes glaring at him. He shrugged.

"But you explain it to your lad." Chop said to her, "and no whinging when you hate it and you're bored!" He told all three of them. The girls were satisfied with this response and returned to party planning in earnest. Every now and then a suggestion of what might happen at the wedding, what kind of dress, who would be bridesmaids, would arise and they would pause, a sad moment of reflection would pass amongst them, before Chloe or Rae would pick up the thread of the conversation.

It was so hard to look at that ring and not think about the future.

And not plan or fantasise about a wedding that Izzy wanted to happen in a few years time.

It was so hard to not plan the future.

To not think about the future.

To just not.

To only think about the now, and maybe a few months in advance.

At most.

She had a symbol of an intended forever on her finger.

And she might only have months left.

_'Killing in the Name of' by Rage Against The Machine_

Chop sat down with an armful of food and a big grin.

"What are you so happy about?" Izzy asked, looking a little tired but still chipper.

"I look forward to this match every fucking year. Since I were a wee boy I been coming to this!" Chop said as he moved the girls forward to the front seats available, moving on a bunch of kids. It was a bright and sunny, but cold, Saturday afternoon, and a large crowd of mostly males were gathering around the college's playing fields. Rae watched the growing crowd and remembered Finn saying he'd prefer it if she didn't come, Archie even said it'd be better if the girls didn't come. But Chop had agreed to bring them along, so it couldn't be that bad. Rae looked around seeing very few girls at all. Izzy wound her arm into Rae's and leaned her head on her shoulder. Rae knew that the boys in the first year physical education class would be having some sort of exhibition match against the second year physical education male students. She knew it was an annual event. But that's all she knew.

"So what's so good about this match Chop?"

"It's our annual British Australian Rules Football League match."

"You what?" Chloe piped in.

"All you ladies need to know is that it's always a fucking bloodbath." He took a huge handful of chips into his mouth and smiled happily. He saw the look on the girl's face and sighed.

"Alright, about 14 years ago the College started running this exhibition match, selling tickets for fundraising or some shite that no one cares about." Chop explained, "Apparently, at the time, they had an Australian exchange student who suggested Australian Rules football as good candidate for an exhibition match." Chop explained, "turns out not only is that a fucking mental sport, but England's got our own league of it!" He took a swig of beer, "and so this beautiful annual slaughter was created. The college makes thousands of dollars and blokes lose teeth!" He grinned, "It's brilliant!"

"What?" Rae asked, concerned.

"Our lad Finn got two broken ribs last year!" He said to her, "and Archie lost a back tooth." Rae opened her mouth, afraid and concerned of what this match was going to be like. Now she understood why Finn didn't want her here. She felt a knot in her stomach.

"Jesus!" Chloe turned her worried eyes to the oval, still empty.

"It's brilliant." Chop repeated around his food, "the second year lads haze the fuck outta the first years." Rae looked around at the audience, there were plenty of guys here who didn't go to the college, some too young, some too old. There was an electricity in the air, a palpable excitement.

"There's a lot of people here."

"We only get this once a year Rae Rae." Chop said seriously.

"I feel like I'm getting bathed in testosterone and man sweat." Rae said unimpressed.

"Wait till the game starts." Chop raised his eyebrows and gave her a knowing grin.

Finn breathed in the smell of the locker room. The tension, the testosterone. Archie bounced around beside him.

"I don't know what it is. But I fucking love this game!" He said as if he were on the upward rush of an ecstasy tablet. Finn clicked his neck and stared at the entrance, waiting for the call to go. He was always silent and focussed before a match of any kind, but particularly so with this one. Archie was usually focussed too. But not with this one, with this one he was frenetic. And that was ok, he'd be playing forward pocket and would need to be running a fair bit – he'd need that energy. Finn was one of the taller lads on the team, and he was only 5 foot 11 inches. He was playing power forward, a role he was built, in personality, if not height, for. Macca was playing back pocket and was also captaining the team, and they had spent all morning going over strategies. A second year team that lost to a first year team was to be deeply shamed. It had only happened once in the 14 years of this annual match. And that was last year, when Finn, Archie, Macca and the rest of the lads had won a close and hard fought battle as first years, and the second years had never lived it down. They were expected to absolutely slaughter the first years given last year's performance. And since you only got 2 chances to ever play in this event – in your first and second year of this college, no one on Finn's team had any intention of losing today. Whatever the cost.

"Let's fucking kill 'em." Macca said quietly to his team. Archie yelled in agreement and everyone except for Finn joined in. Finn was focussed, eyes on the prize.

Their PE teacher came and motioned for them to stand in the corridor between the change rooms. The first year team lined up beside them. The second years wore all black, their team called the blacks, the first years wore red and black, their team called the reds.

"I'm surprised you're still in the second year for PE even!" Came a voice and Finn turned his eyes to Phil, the slash of his red shirt was almost like a rag to a bull. Finn grinned at him.

"I'm so glad to see you Phil." He said softly and Archie cocked an eyebrow at him.

"How'd you get the shiner?" Phil asked, "Rae fight back." Finn just grinned at him. Not taking the bait, letting the rage build inside, waiting for the game to unleash it. "Must be strange being allowed in your own grade?" Phil tried again, "Thought you'd have to repeat everything." Finn said nothing, just stared at him with that big grin, breathing in the testosterone, the tension, the urge to maim rising in his blood. Both teams were silent, listening to Phil, Archie surprised that Finn hadn't responded.

"I suppose there had to be something you were good at." Phil said, "Not surprising it's something physical is it?" He grinned sadistically.

"Yeah I'm pretty good at getting physical with the girl you like." Finn shot back and got some appreciative sounds from his own team, some hisses from the opposition. "What are you even doing here Will?" Finn asked, "I'm surprised they let someone with no balls onto a boy's team." Laughter, jeering, Archie beside him chuckling. It wasn't the sort of thing Archie would normally chuckle at, but today was different.

"This from the guy that wouldn't kiss Stacey Stringfellow." One of the first years piped up, but Macca was on that quick smart.

"He's got his hands full enough with Rae, you seen the tits on her." Macca snapped back. Finn raised his eyebrows at Phillip, who narrowed his eyes in response.

"Oh but Finn," Archie said in a mocking voice, "you can't recite Shakespearean sonnets to her! Whatever will you do?" Archie set Finn up for the takedown.

"Ah she don't give a fuck about that when I'm making her scream." Finn said cockily his smile creeping into sadistic territory as he watched Phil squirm with anger, the lads responding with hoots and hollers.

"You think that talking and bragging about Rae like that in public makes you look like a big man?" Phil said quietly through clenched teeth, barely heard over the vocal jostling that everyone was engaging n now.

"No but impotently fuming over the fact that you can't do it, does make you look small. Don't it?" Finn said, matching Phil's volume. Archie laughed; he'd never heard Finn sledge like this before; he'd upped his game. Phil stepped out of his team's line and stood toe to toe with Finn.

"I bet you're the one stalking her. Give you an excuse to control her." He barely breathed the words, so obviously designed to enrage Finn, because now Finn knew that Rae had trusted Phil enough to tell him about the stalker. The grin Phil gave Finn told him that was his exact thought. Finn glared at Phil, understanding that Phil was closer to Rae than he'd thought.

"Fuck you Phillip, you play tennis." Archie said with disgust, understanding that Phil was trying to manipulate Finn into making a mistake. "You don't belong here. Only real men who play real sport belong here."

The PE teacher, filling in for umpire, motioned for them to move out and Archie pushed Finn to move forward, but he turned to Phil with a genuinely happy smile.

"I'm gonna fucking kill you out there boy." Finn laughed and headed out to the playing field.

36 extremely fit boys, wearing tight muscle shirts and, short well fitted shorts jogged out onto the field to the cheers of the audience.

Rae felt her spirits lifting as the audience cheered.

"Oh my god." Chloe breathed as she looked at the boys.

"Bloody hell." Izzy agreed, Chop was too busy cheering to notice her open mouthed stare at the guys as they started to jog out to their positions.

"Fucking hell, you could almost tell if they're circumcised." Rae whispered, Chloe and Izzy breaking out into fits of giggles.

"Archie's playing forward pocket I think." Chop said looking at where Archie was standing, "and I know Finn's playing power forward. It's his thing." Chop turned to them to explain. "In Australia he'd be laughed off the field, cos most power forwards are like 6 foot 7 inches." He grinned. "Most players in AFL in Australia are well over 6 foot." Chop shovelled food in his mouth and turned back to the field.

"I have got to get to Australia." Chloe almost drooled, eliciting more giggles from Rae and Izzy.

"How do you know all this?" Izzy asked.

"I love this fucking sport." Chop said without looking away, "almost as much as I love football."

Rae's eyes found Finn easily, he looked particularly fetching in his team's kit.

"I'm dating a sex god." She whispered and Izzy couldn't help but laugh, Chloe tried not to, but couldn't help it as the three girls looked at Finn stretching his quads.

"Is that Mike?" Chloe asked and Rae nodded, "I had no idea he were so fit."

"Look at Nick." Izzy breathed and the girls sought him out with small whimpers of delight when they saw him.

"I have to get to Australia." Chloe repeated.

"God Archer looks good." Rae muttered and the girls nodded their heads in unison. Chop didn't hear a word, he was too busy screaming already. Everyone around them was starting to scream out things at the field.

Some of the players milled around the centre of the field, the umpire had a rugby type ball in his hands and he spoke to them, the two captains shook hands. The electricity in the air was buzzing in the girl's hearts as the umpire bounced the ball in the centre of the field making it fly high up into the air. And the boys leapt up. Finn managing to leap up on top of the body of an opposing team member to grab the ball. Rae expected him to get sent off for such contact – knees in the back…

"Oh!" The girls groaned in admiration as Finn landed, turned and kicked the ball forward to Archie. No sooner was the ball out of his hands than Phil had shoved him. Rae's mouth opened, ready to protest, but she saw Finn shove him back equally as hard. She noticed several other small skirmishes like this as they all vied with each other to keep their eyes on the ball and lose the defender assigned to them from the other team.

It was a brutally physical sport.

Archie forwarded the ball but was slammed into the ground by a defender.

"OH!" The girls said, horrified.

"GET THE FUCK UP!" Chop screamed at Archie. Another boy was moving the ball up the field towards the goal posts.

"KICK IT YOU MOTHERFUCKER!" a man screamed out behind them. Izzy jumped, surprised at the vehemence in his voice. But he was tackled, and the ball was now in the hands of the reds and Chop was on his feet, screaming at the blacks to pull their thumbs out. From out of nowhere Macca tackled the running red forward, hard, flattening him into the ground, the ball falling from his hands, a black defender scrambling to get it. Macca got up, his hand on the head of the downed red player, pushing it into the ground as he stood up. But the red player was up in no time and Macca was back to shadowing him.

"I have no idea what's happening." Izzy whispered, still opened mouthed and wide eyed.

"I don't care what's happening. As long as it doesn't stop." Chloe responded.

Rae almost whimpered as she saw Finn running forward his eyes on the ball that his team mate had just kicked. Several lads were going for it, Phil roughly pulling on Finn's shirt. Finn elbowed him hard in the jaw and used his bent over form to once again climb up above the heads of the others and pluck the ball out of the air, falling hard on his side, the ball in his arms. 3 other players fell with him and they ended up in a tangled heap of what looked like pain and strange homoeroticism.

"GOOD MARK!" Chop cheered. He turned to the girls, Rae with a look of horror on her face, worried about the fall Finn had just endured, "When they catch it, it's called a mark." He explained and turned back to the game. Phillip was straightening up, spitting blood. Finn was already up, focussing on the goalposts, the ball in his hands.

"He's gonna go for a goal!" Chop cried deliriously happy.

"He's too far out." A man behind them groaned, "He'll never get it."

Rae felt herself getting far too turned on as Finn focussed, his eyes on the goalposts, his body tense and ready. He ran up slightly and kicked the ball hard. It soared over the heads of the defenders trying to stop him and sailed between the posts, the goal umpire signalling a goal had been scored. The audience erupted. Those going for the blacks cheered and jumped up and down, while those going for the reds (by far the minority) screamed foul. The black team ran to Finn, embracing him, tapping him on the arse and cheering happily.

"Holy fuck." Chloe said, "I would quite happily be in the middle of that."

"Uh huh." Rae agreed, beside her Izzy was nodding, dumbfounded.

As the game continued and the black team finished celebrating and dispersed Finn turned and rammed hard into Phillip, knocking him back. Phillip pushed back hard and Finn pushed back even harder. The captain of the red team came running over, smashing into Finn and Archie was there, by Finn's side pushing back. The umpire sauntered over as the four lads pushed and pulled at each other's shirt, Phil's getting torn, more players rushing over to get involved.

"FUCKING SMASH 'EM!" Chop was delirious with joy at the fight breaking out. A few words from the umpire, both the reds captain and Archie yelling back at him and it was all calmed down and the ball was kicked from near the goalposts back into play.

The girls watched; the occasional "OH!" escaping their mouths as young men slammed into each other, scrambling for the ball as if their lives depended on it. Every time the ball was kicked they'd all jump up, slamming into each other in their frantic quest to get the ball, and they'd almost always end up in a heap on the ground, limbs entwined, bodies pressed together.

There was one moment when Finn was tackled hard by Phil who ended up on top of him trying to get the ball, several other boys got involved, all of them sweaty, frantic, determined to get the ball and Rae was struck with the idea that being the kind of girl that had sex with the whole football team wold not be a bad thing. She turned to look at Chloe and Izzy and saw the exact same look on their faces. The scrambling for the ball continued, Phil still on top of Finn and Rae groaned a little; it was just so sexual, all those fit lads clinging to each other, rolling around together, wearing such tiny little shorts… And then Finn clocked Phil in the jaw and another fight broke out. The umpire broke it up and bounced the ball up in the air again to start play again, this time it was Archie flying through the air, jumping up onto the spines of his opponents to grab the ball. He landed well and sprinted up the field, bouncing the ball as he went. He passed to another player who kicked it forward to Finn before being brutally tackled. Archie ran hard to get ahead of the ball and Finn passed it to him who took aim and scored another goal. Archie and Finn ran for each other joyously, and Chop screamed as the girls groaned in appreciation of all the boy hugging again.

"I can't believe how sexy this is." Chloe said, "Fuck the no boys policy!" She laughed. Izzy nodded, apparently in sexual-overdrive-shock because she couldn't squeeze a word out. "You're so lucky to have a lad playing out there." Chloe turned her eyes to Rae and Izzy nodded her head again and also turned her eyes to Rae, who grinned.

"I am gonna do very dirty things to him tonight." Rae agreed and the girls giggled, catching Chop's interest.

"Are you even watching?" He asked angrily, "The reds number 12 player just fucking scored!" He yelled grumpily and turned back to the field screaming foul. Rae looked out at the red team surrounding Phil, their number 12 player. He looked stunned that he managed to get one in; he was playing back pocket, a defender.

"Sorry Chop." Izzy said dutifully before turning back to the girls with a big grin. "That Phillip's right into you Rae, and he's bloody hot!" Izzy said excitedly, but Rae shook her head.

"No he's not Izzy!" But she still felt pleased as she looked back at Finn and Phillip sledging each other as the reds celebrated all around them.

"He so is." Chloe said.

"Into Rae or hot?" Izzy asked.

"Both right now." Chloe grinned, "In performing arts he's into Rae and some Shakespeare geek… but out here… oomph!" Izzy and Chloe giggled but Rae shook her head and turned back to the game to see Finn breaking up the celebration with another barge on Phillip who elbowed Finn hard in return.

"OH!" Rae said as she saw Finn stumble, put his hand to his mouth and look back up at Phillip with a grin.

"That fucker's in trouble now!" Chop chortled, still on his feet. But the umpire had seen the elbow and the ball was given to Finn for a free kick. Rae saw Finn and Phillip exchange words, players from both teams getting involved.

"You can do anything as long as the ump don't see you." Chop explained, "If he does, it's a free kick." The girls shook their heads.

"This is a mental sport." Izzy breathed.

"We're about 15 minutes in." Chloe marvelled, "Chop, how long are these games?"

"80 minutes if there's no added time. But usually they go for about 2 hours."

"How are they gonna last 2 hours?" Izzy asked, "Like a third of them are already bleeding." Rae saw Finn spit some blood before he focussed and kicked the ball forward, the game starting up again.

"It's brutal." Chop grinned, "OH!" He said as a particularly heavy collision between Archie and a reds player crunched right in front of them. Archie kept his feet but the reds player went down and didn't move. Archie looked unaffected by this and simply aimed the ball towards the goals. He scored and the blacks team ran over to celebrate, a person from the bench came to help the poor reds player up and off the field.

"First causality!" Chop said with a blood-lusty glee.

Finn felt like his lungs were on fire; and knew he should probably quit smoking. It was the final quarter of the game. Everyone was exhausted and bloodied. And he'd barged, hit, kneed and kicked Phillip so many times he'd worked out most of his aggression at the guy nicely. But he still loathed him with a fiery venom; he just kept going, no matter what Finn dished out.

But there was no way he was stopping. Phillip could run better than he could. Finn was frustrated by this; he'd always been a good fast runner. He knew he had to quit smoking.

Phil might run better, but he wasn't tough. Finn knew that. And he wasn't stronger either. He'd already been able to barge that fucker to the ground several times. And Phil couldn't do it back. But that bastard could run.

Finn watched Macca diving onto the leg of a reds player who was about to kick the ball. He copped a massive kick in the gut for his efforts. But he stopped a possible goal. Finn swooped in and grabbed the ball. He sprinted up the field, bouncing the ball every few strides, as the rules required.

Finn felt the love of this game burning into his sinew as he savagely shoulder barged a reds player who got too close to him and when he got close enough he kicked the ball hard for a goal. But he didn't get to see if it went in, he was tackled from behind almost as soon as he'd kicked it.

He landed with a painful thud, face first into the ground and squirmed round to see who was holding him.

Phillip. Naturally.

He kneed Phil in the stomach and using all the strength he'd been building up since he'd starting dating Rae, he picked Phil up and slammed him, bodily, into the ground, ending up on top of him.

Phillip grunted as the air was forced out of him and Finn followed up with a hard knee to the ribs before putting his hand on Phil's face, using it to push off from while getting up. Finn laughed as Phil tried not to curl up and had to smile in begrudging respect as he slowly got to his feet.

"Alright lad." Finn said as Phillip spat out some blood again. Phillip was proving to be a good match; and he liked that, it was boring if they were too easy. But he liked that in sport. Not with Rae.

He barged Phil again and he staggered back. Finn saw the ball sailing towards him and leapt up, using Phil to get the height he needed to get above the other players. He kicked it in to Archie, who obviously felt like showing off, because he scissor kicked it through the goals.

Finn set off sprinting down the field knowing that the ball would be kicked far. Phillip gritted his teeth and followed; Finn was the forward he'd been assigned to, he had to defend against him, even though he felt like he needed a quick breather.

Rae put her hands over her mouth as a reds player jumped up, kneeling on Finn's back to get the ball. They both fell hard and she whimpered in sympathy as he winced slightly while getting up. The reds player passed the ball and Finn was sprinting after it in no time. A crushing tackle saw to it that the reds run was short lived and the total domination that the second years had subjected them to was set to continue.

"This has been the best day of my life." Chloe mumbled beside her. Many of the lads had torn shirts. They were covered in sweat, blood, grass stains and mud. There was probably a good layer of bruising on most of them too. And she knew that at least two of the first years had broken bones, and she'd seen a second year lad spit out a tooth. But Izzy told her there was no way it was a tooth.

There was no doubt that this was a brutal sport. And she loved it. Her underwear was wet, and she could barely tear her eyes away from Finn as he wove in and out of the defence. And the battle between Phillip and Finn was strangely arousing.

Phillip had the ball and was turning to pass it when Finn slammed into him, the ball ending underneath the two of them as they grappled on the ground. It really looked like they could start fighting or fucking at any moment. Rae made a slight sound of desire and was surprised at herself. A sympathetic groan came from Izzy on one side and Chloe on the other; they understood.

"D'you know, I haven't felt horny since…" Chloe stopped, "well in months." She finished softly. "It's so nice to want sex for myself, not just cos he wants it." She grinned at them and Izzy and Raw shared her excitement. "Look at them fit lads." She marvelled, "I might… I might try going out again. Just slowly." She said as she watched the game closely.

"Wait to make that decision when you're not looking at…" Izzy searched for the word, "this." She ended inadequately.

"Good advice." Rae agreed watching the way Finn's body moved as he ran past very close, body slamming an opponent out of the way. Rae shook her head tragically, lust taking her over. "He is just sex." She whispered.

Chop's voice was starting to give out from all the yelling so he sat down and looked at them.

"Alright?" He asked merrily and they nodded. Rae's throat was pretty sore from cheering Finn's goals too.

On the other side of the field Finn was tackling another player, Archie grabbing the dropped ball, passing it on. The ball was passed several times before it was intercepted and returned back the other way, and Chop was back on his feet screaming hoarsely.

A brutal tackled stopped the reds in their tracks and another fight broke out, the seventh for the match. This one was bigger, and a lot of punches were thrown, several of them between Finn and Phillip before it was broken up. Finn came away from the scuffle rubbing his jaw and muttering under his breath. The umpire bounced the ball up again and the reds actually got the ball from a bounce. A fumbled pass led to a huge kick going high into the air. 20 metres ahead Finn could see Phillip, his eyes on the ball, stretching his arms up to catch it. Finn felt the sadistic grin creeping across his face as he shot of at a sprint.

"Finn's gonna snatch the ball!" Chop cried out, "Probably get one last goal!"

Finn ran, and launched himself at Phillip, his shoulder impacting with Phil's chest and upper stomach. He felt a satisfying crunching snap as he slammed Phil into the ground. He leapt up, saw the ball on the other side of Phillip and stepped on his stomach to get over him to the ball. He picked it up and booted it hard towards the goal. It sailed through the posts and the audience screamed with delight. His team mates cheered, running over to him to celebrate. He laughed merrily; the game was almost over, they could feel it, and they had slaughtered the first years 86 to 24.

The umpire blew his whistle. The match was over; it was a resounding victory to the second years. Finn turned back to Phillip, still lying where he'd left him, trying to get his breath. He strolled over.

"So turns out, you're as much of a Neanderthal as me?" Finn grinned down at Phillip, and pointed to the bruise coming up on his jaw, put there by Phillip. The audience was cheering wildly. Finn was aware that there was a lot of gambling done on this game and he could see the happiness in the faces of people as he looked around.

Finn offered him a hand and Phil took it, getting up slowly.

"Rib broken?" Finn asked cockily.

"I think so." Phil gritted.

"You're alright Phil." Finn grinned, "But stay away from me girl." Finn said slapping him on the back, enjoying the wince from Phil.

"Not gonna happen." Phil said painfully. Finn took him in for a minute.

"I understand that. There's not much I wouldn't do for her." Finn answered honestly, "but she's my girl, so it's my job to do those things for her. Not yours."

"She won't be your girl forever." Finn's goodwill towards Phil after winning the match so soundly, was wearing thin.

"Right." Finn said making how unimpressed he was clear, "There's really only 3 things you need to know about me right now Will." Finn said motioning for Macca not to come over. "One. If you're her stalker. I'll fucking kill you." He smiled, almost sweetly at Phil, "two, if you don't back off, I'll keep finding new and interesting things to do to you, until you do." He looked out across the playing field and saw the two teams intermingling all over the field, shaking hands and making up, "and three, if you back off her. I'll back off you." Finn patted his back again, hard, "have a think about it." He turned and jogged off to Archie who was jumping up and down on the spot with his hands held high, enjoying the audience cheers.

"I fucking love this game!" He yelled at Finn, blood in the corner of his mouth, a bruise forming on his cheek. Finn got a cheer as he came closer to the audience; he had been the main goal scorer, Archie the second. He looked around and saw Chop in his usual spot, standing and yelling blue bloody murder. And beside him were three cheering girls.

"Oh shit." Finn worried about what Rae thought. If she had fretted for his safety, if she was angry about how hard he'd been on Phillip. He spat out blood again and wiped his mouth with his shirt before slowly jogging over. He saw Izzy start to kiss Chop passionately. Chloe looking out at the other players hungrily, and Rae coming forward to the fence.

Phillip looked up and saw Finn reach Rae. Finn looked worried, his body language was clear as day; apologetic, vulnerable. Phillip had never seen Finn like that.

"Hey." He said softly as he got to her, the crowd in the area cheering him wildly, but he could only see her. "I'm sorry about-" but her mouth was on his and his body instantly reacted to hers, as it always did.

It was not what Phillip had expected. He watched Finn wrap his arms around her, saw her hands travel down his body. His team mates were calling to him so he turned away, his innards in turmoil; she took the lead sometimes it seemed.

"NELSON!" Macca called out to him "if you've got the energy to do that you didn't run hard enough!" This was met with laughter and jeering from his team and the audience near them, but Finn ignored them, enjoying Rae's mouth far too much to take heed.

"Get y'arse in the change room!" Macca ordered. Rae pulled away from him slowly, her eyes found his.

"Don't shower." She whispered to him and he gave her a questioning look. "I wanna fuck you with all that mud and sweat and blood all over you." His lips slowly crept into a smile.

"Oh yeah?" He breathed. She nodded and he made a gentle groaning noise as he kissed her again.

"And you'll have to be late to the after game drinks." She shrugged as if apologetically.

"I'll survive it." He nodded solemnly. They kissed again and she gently pushed him away.

"Get going then." She nodded towards the change rooms. "Don't even change your clothes." He nodded at her final order and jogged back to the change rooms, looking over his shoulder at her several times, a huge, disbelieving grin on his face.

_'Something 4 the weekend' by Super Fury Animals_

_Dear Diary_

_It's almost a pity that most of Finn's bruises have healed up. I kept getting horny flashbacks to that game every time I saw them._

_Is that wrong? I mean, bruises hurt… but holy Jesus Christ on a sidecar that game has opened my eyes up to the world of testosterone fuelled sexiness. _

_I wonder if Finn would ever make out with a guy for me? No scratch that thought. I don't want anyone but me to kiss him. But oh my, he can play that game again. Anytime he wants. _

_Phillip is still wincing through his broken ribs, but Finn says he's putting it on for sympathy. I dunno though; that last tackle looked painful. _

_And also like it could have ended up in fucking. Violent fucking._

_What is wrong with my brain?_

_I suppose I'm thinking about things like that a lot more lately because I don't want to think about other things that are happening in me head._

_There's this thing gnawing away at me insides. A few weeks have passed since Finn went back home to his da, and things are settling back down. As much as they can when your friend is dying of fucking cancer!_

_But we have to be happy. For her._

_So I try not to think about it. _

_I try to lock it up in a tiny little box that I've got in me head for all the things that I don't wanna think about._

_But maybe that box were full. Cos now that I've shoved cancer in there, something else has popped out. _

_And I can't stop thinking about it. _

_Why did me dad leave me mum and me?_

_Why?_

_And he hasn't written me back._

_Is it that easy to just not have me in his life?_

_What kind of man just abandons his child?_

_I feel like I have to know. _

Life had settled down considerably over the last few weeks. Rae still stayed at Finn's house more than her own; her mother was crying a lot, but Karim seemed to be slowly working through it. But Rae was just not able to cope with more misery.

_Am I a bad daughter?_

_I know I should be there for me mum. But I just feel exhausted, like I got no more left in me for sad stuff. _

She slept at home and helped out with Aiesha 2 to 3 nights a week and Linda was still allowing Finn to stay overnight, although, since there had been no more gifts from the stalker since the dead bird, she was starting to suggest that this should change.

_Archie thinks that it were a goodbye note. Sorta saying I ripped his heart out like he ripped the heart of that poor bird out._

_Ugh stalkers are creepy. But I like Archie's theory. _

_And everyone seems to be accepting it. Except for Finn. He worries so much. But I have convinced him to get out and do boxing every morning again. He likes that._

_And I like that he likes it._

_I just feel so safe with him._

_I know at therapy he talks a lot about his temper being dangerous and all. But I just don't see it that way. And even Kester has admitted that it's getting better. I think the boxing helps._

She looked over at Finn who was looking at her curiously, she had pushed away her breakfast plate and was holding Aiesha, absent minded, even letting her little fingers curl around the necklace Finn had given her. Something she never let Aiesha do normally. Linda was sitting, reading a magazine intently. Her mood had been better the past few days, and Rae was starting to hope that she was finally on the mend.

Although, as Rae was well aware, the path to recovery was never a straight line. Karim was at work; Rae preferred it when he was around, he just seemed to know what he was doing.

_Karim always looks after me mum, like how Finn looks after me._

_I'm glad she found him._

_And it's not that I want contact with me dad again. It's just. I want to know why._

"Mum?" Rae gently stopped Aiesha from pulling at the necklace, "Not that little one," she had taken to calling Aiesha 'little one' like Finn did. "That's too precious." She put some of her own hair in Aiesha's little hand and barely seemed to notice as she pulled on it joyously. Finn was glad to see her stop the necklace pull, but less glad that she didn't see herself as more precious than the necklace. He reached out for Aiesha and Rae handed the squirming baby to him.

"Hm?' Linda said without looking up. Finn pulled a face at Aiesha and she seemed to respond to it, so he pulled another, watching her pull her own faces as she tried to figure out her own face.

"How are you feeling today?" Rae asked tentatively.

"Alright pet." She looked up from her magazine. "What's wrong?"

"I'm just asking." Rae shrugged. Linda put the magazine down and looked at her steadily.

"Well I'm fine. You?" Rae pulled a face and shrugged.

"Yeah alright." Rae fidgeted with her fork and Linda picked up the magazine again. "Mum?"

"Hm?" Linda asked as she put it back down.

"It's just…" Finn bounced Aiesha gently and watched Rae's mouth and eyes as she figured out how to say what she wanted to say, "I been thinking a lot about Victor… dad." She added apologetically. Finn cold almost feel the room get colder. "I were just wondering why he left?"

"I really don't know." Linda looked down at the magazine and moodily turned a page. Rae looked apologetically at Finn and then turned back to her mum.

"It's just Finn's mum left." Finn understood the apologetic look now, "and she left a note… so… we kind know why. But with dad…"

"He didn't leave a note." Lind said quietly, "he just left." She looked up at Rae, "He would sometimes just take off for days at a time with no notice, I used to think it was charming." She took a bite of food and chewed it thoughtfully, "there were a lot of problems." She answered in a tight voice, "We argued a lot. I didn't feel very supported. The length of time he spent away kept getting longer." Linda looked away. "So when he just up and left again. I didn't wait to see if he'd come back. I packed as much of our stuff as I could carry and left." She looked back down at her magazine, "the only time he tried to contact me was 2 years later when he issued the divorce papers. I didn't try to get any of his stupid property. And he didn't try to take my baby girl from me. So it was alright."

"Right." Rae said softly. "So you both… kinda left each other?" Linda nodded. Rae mulled this over and Linda watched her closely. Finn tried to be as inconspicuous as possible, looking down at Aiesha and gently cooing at her as he laid her down on his lap, her feet at his stomach, her head at his knees and gently bounced her, his hand steadying her as she squirmed around.

"Alright?" Linda asked and Rae slowly nodded. Linda looked over to Finn and smiled softly, a curious gleam in her eye.

"D'you think you'll have children one day Finn?" Finn looked up with wide eyes, his mouth open, not knowing how to answer. He looked over at Rae and Linda noticed that, and felt protectiveness for her daughter rising.

"Yeah I s'pose." He said, his eyes still on Rae, gauging her response. He still wasn't sure where she stood on this topic.

"Not too soon I hope?" Her voice was firm, more a command than a question. Finn felt his face reddening slightly and wanted to answer that it was up to Rae when it happened. But he didn't know if she even really wanted kids.

"No." He answered inadequately.

"Well make sure you don't abandon them if you do have 'em." She said pointedly. Finn turned his eyes to Linda.

"He'd never do that." Rae answered before he had chance to respond. Linda took a deep, unimpressed breath and looked back down at her magazine shaking her head.

"Can one of you two change her please?" Linda ordered without looking up.

"Alright." Rae held her hands out to take her but Finn shook his head.

"I'll do it." The past few weeks had seen his confidence with Aiesha growing, and he volunteered to do a lot of things for her now. Linda watched him leave the room and turned her eyes back to Rae.

"You two are getting serious." She noted.

"I suppose."

"How serious?"

"I dunno." Linda blinked a few times, her baby girl growing up. She felt tears sting her eyes, "Just be careful." She said and sniffed.

"You don't have to worry about me mum." Rae smiled reassuringly.

"Of course I do Rae!" Linda said sadly, "nothing ever ends up right."

_'Be Aggressive' by Faith No More_

Calm days were excellent for forming routines. And Rae and Finn were starting to get into a good one. She loved that he was starting to be less hyper-vigilant and over-protective; she worried that it was getting exhausting for him. And seeing a more relaxed Finn was good for her; it made her feel less anxious.

Although, there was one thing Rae hated about their new routine and that was the time Finn chose to go to the boxing joint. The sun hadn't even risen yet and she could hear him, trying to be silent. His feet up on her chair doing push-ups. Rhys had told him to raise his feet when normal ones were getting too easy for him. 50 normal push-ups, 30 broad push-ups, 20 narrow. Then the sit ups, 100 normal, 100 oblique, 100 lower abdominal…

Rae had to admit it was nice to watch him workout. But sleep was also nice. After the sit ups, he'd put his clothes on and run to his session with Rhys. Sometimes when he got back she'd go for a jog with him. He was usually pretty tired by then, so she wasn't too slow for him. Sometimes, if they were at Rae's house and Linda and Karim where out of bed he'd do chin ups too.

He always kissed her forehead gently before he left, and she always pretended that he hadn't woken her. She could never get back to sleep, so she'd inevitably get back up and do some writing; she'd started to write a story down. She looked up at the clock as she heard him leaving the house. She got up and opened the curtains to watch him running up the road. He always closed the curtains, and it had become a silent battle between them, because she liked to have the curtains opened. Finn ran past a parked car and turned left towards the boxing joint. Rae yawned and headed to the bathroom.

"You're dropping your left shoulder still." Rhys said and Finn took a deep breath and tried to focus. Rhys had started him on kickboxing before he had started going out with Rae, and they were returning to that. Finn punched and kicked at the pads as hard as he could and Rhys reacted as if Finn were a toddler stroking a butterfly.

"What are you? Three years old? Hit me!" They got into a rhythm and Finn didn't notice Chop walking up. "Take 5." Rhys said and Finn saw Chop had bought a bottle of water for him.

"Thanks." He panted and took his gloves off, then his shirt before taking it.

"You've put some size on." Rhys noted Finn's increased muscle mass, "I thought you didn't wanna get big."

"I don't." Finn said, "But I wanna be stronger."

"Try some tri-sets with the weights." Rhys suggested.

"Wanna teach me?" Finn asked and Rhys considered this for a moment. "Yeah alright. We'll start next Monday. Till then increase your push-ups – 50 of all three types." Finn nodded. Chop was here to do some sparring with Finn, Rhys was going to coach them both.

Rhys was a huge man. 6 foot 5 inches and 130 kilos of pure muscle. His dark skin was covered with tattoos, and his head was shaved. He had large hazel eyes and a goatee, dyed deep blue. And today he wore red nail polish similar to the colour Janice had painted onto Rae's nails a few weeks back. Finn had once seen a guy say some pretty racist shit to Rhys, and he'd laughed and kicked the guy in the face. No one at the boxing joint said shit to Rhys about anything. Not his skin colour, not his dyed goatee, not the nail polish, not the fact that occasionally he wore skirts not his sexuality, which everyone wondered about. No one said a word; they'd all seen that kick, or heard about it.

Rhys had started teaching boxing here when he was 16. His first student had been little 10 year old Finn. They had learned together, bumbling through the teacher student relationship to be real friends. As Finn got older, he'd assumed that Rhys was gay; he knew that he and Tom had been close, and he'd seen Rhys around the place with guys. But recently he'd also seen Rhys with some girls, so he really didn't know. And he got asked a lot about it in the locker room.

Finn sat and watched Tom and Archie heating up. Archie really was getting better, but Tom was so aggressive it was hard to keep up with him.

"Rhys?" Finn asked softly, not sure if he should talk about this, but it was Archie.

"Yeah?" He asked watching the sparring between two female boxers on the other side of the gym; they didn't get nearly enough women in here.

"Is Tom as much of a hot-head as he seems?" Chop turned his eyes to Finn, but Finn was watching Rhys, waiting for his response.

"You worried about your man Archie?" Rhys asked. Finn nodded and Rhys wiped his face. "Tom likes to fuck hard." He said with no hesitation, "And he likes to fight hard. But he won't make Archie stay if he don't want to." Rhys finished with a shrug. Finn watched the fight, brutal, and oddly sexual with the way Tom grabbed Archie every now and then, one time putting him in a headlock, Archie elbowed him hard to get out of the hold. These men were obviously lovers, the familiarity with which they sledged each other and touched each other was patently obvious. It was sexual and it was violent. He'd done some rough stuff with Rae, but nothing like this; this included fists. And even though he didn't know what was happening in the bedroom, he imagined it was similar to what was happening now, just with added penetration.

"I'm surprised he went for Archie." Rhys said, "He's not his usual type." He saw the question on Finn's face, "Archie's a bit young for him." Finn nodded and Chop kept watching them fight with a strange look on his face.

"Alright." Finn said looking away from the fight. Chop yawned and stretched.

"What's up your arse?" Rhys asked his grumpy face.

"Izzy were up puking half the night." He said trying not to sound sad, worried, going out of his mind with fear.

"She still staying at your place then?" Finn asked deliberately steering clear of the cancer talk, and Chop nodded, "How's her parents taking that?"

"They hate it. But she won't go back till her dad apologise to me. Which he won't." Bradley had hit Chop at Izzy's first chemotherapy session, accusing Chop of putting Izzy's life at risk by making her delay treatment to get eggs harvested. It wasn't true, Izzy had chosen to do it herself, but it didn't matter to Bradley, he needed to blame something.

Chop had been telling Izzy since then that it was just emotions brimming over, that it was fine. But Izzy was adamant. It was a strange reversal of their roles.

"So I guess you guys are living together then?"

"For now. I'm hoping Victoria will bring either him or her around." Chop said thoughtfully, "Izzy hates not talking to her da. And it's shite timing innit?"

Rhys didn't know what was wrong with Izzy, but he was aware that she was deeply unwell. Finn and Chop kept taking for a bit then Rhys turned to Finn.

"And what's up your arse?"

"Nothing."

"There's always something." Rhys returned, "And you're more aggressive lately."

"I thought I were getting me temper under control." Finn sounded disappointed with himself.

"Temper and aggression are different things. And what makes you think your temper needs… tempering?" Rhys asked with a sceptical look.

"Just do." Finn drank some water and looked away.

"Sometimes you just gotta do what you gotta do Finn." Rhys answered honestly.

"I been using me fists too much."

"I doubt that." Rhys scoffed. "Look around you Finn. Everyone here is aggressive, they barely hold it under the skin. But you… you wouldn't hurt a fly."

"I been thumping people more lately."

"The probably all deserved it." Rhys smiled. "They were spiders. Not flies." He explained, "Stop thinking that there's something wrong with you cos you're not afraid to punch a twat." Rhys shrugged, "Imagine if I hadn't kicked Floyd in the face." Finn nodded, a thoughtful look on his face. "Every cunt in this place would still be making slavery jokes at me if I hadn't. Knowing when to use your fists is a skill. I think you're doing pretty good Finn."

"I thumped me dad." Finn countered.

"I said 'pretty good' not perfectly." Rhys smiled.

"And I been real angry."

"What are you angry about?"

"It's a fear thing." Finn nodded his head and Rhys cocked his head to the side. Chop's ears pricked up.

"And you're afraid of?" Rhys prodded.

"Lots of things." Finn grinned, embarrassed, "Rae leaving me is a big one." He took a swig of water, "but I'm dealing with that… mostly I'm scared for Rae."

"Fucking stalker twat!" Chop agreed, also not entirely convinced by Archie's theory.

"Yeah. But more than that even." Finn looked at his feet. "She's the strongest person I know… but there's this vulnerable spot, right in the middle o' her." Finn furrowed his brows and tried to think how to explain what troubled him, "And the more I get to know her, the closer I am to her… the more I see where people have touched her there. Left a mark there. How people have hurt her." His mind went to Liam instantly, but there were others. Chloe, Linda, Victor, Saul, Archie, himself. They'd all left a mark. The fact that he was on that list was a never ending source of pain and shame for Finn. Even though she never mentioned all his mistakes, all his failings.

"Sounds like you both got a lot to punch out." Rhys said as he threw some gloves to Chop. Finn put his gloves back on.

"We should do bare knuckles." Chop said to Rhys.

"Not today." Rhys said with absolute finality. "I don't want either of you to hold back."

Finn and Chop hit the showers, both feeling exhausted and bruised. But both grinning stupidly. Archie was already in the showers when they took one up on either side of him.

" 'Morning gents!" Archie said with a big grin.

"So are we getting straight to locker room talk?" Chop said with a grin and turned his eyes to Archie pointedly.

"What?" Archie laughed.

"You two…" Chop nodded suggestively.

"Are still not going out." Finn said stiffly and Archie turned to him.

"Well it's different for us innit?" Archie said defensively, "We don't get to get married and have kids and all that stuff." He scrunched his face in disappointment at Finn, "Don't judge me. Especially not after all the girls you had without going out."

"I'm not judging." Finn lowered his eyes, "Sorry Arch. I just worry 'bout you."

"I'm alright." Archie responded moodily.

"It does look pretty rough between you two." Chop backed Finn's worries, but Archie just reached over the shower wall and made Finn turn around to display a long set of scratches down his back.

"If Finn can get those and no one say anything, why are we saying anything about me?"

"Well Finn don't leave marks like that on Rae." Chop answered.

"Yeah well I'm not the fucking girl in the relationship." Archie slammed open the door of his shower and stormed off.

"I just fucked up didn't I?" Chop sighed.

"We both did." Finn sighed with him. "We'll just go and apologise once he's had time to cool down." Chop nodded. But Archie stormed back in.

"Why do you think I'm the girl?" He asked them both. Finn bit the inside of his mouth and Chop looked away. "Is it cos I'm younger? Weaker? Was it cos I lost me virginity to him? What is it?"

"I don't think you're the girl." Chop said, "But I do think you're the physically weaker one. So…" Chop gesticulated trying to think of the right words, "So… it's his job to be more careful with you."

"Right." Archie nodded his head in anger and turned to Finn, "And you think that way?" Finn looked everywhere but Archie as he tried to think of what to say.

"I think… that Rae and me have been rough, yeah. And it's not just one way; I've done some pretty intense stuff to her and she often leaves marks on me… but we don't use fists Archer. And I think it's just… new to Chop and me… I mean have you seen the bruise on your gut?" Archie looked down at his naked body and saw an old purple bruise on his stomach.

"I get him good too. D'you see his black eye?"

"I'm not trying to say it's just one way." Finn said. "I'm just trying to understand…" he shook his head "no, not even that… I'm just trying to make sure you're actually alright."

"D'you even use condoms?" Chop asked, worried about some shit he'd heard at the mechanic about AIDS and gay men. Archie glared at him angrily.

"That's not your business." Archie retorted, "Do you?"

"Yeah, we always have. But I'd have to anyway or else the chemo could poison me." That broke the tense mood as they all looked down, thinking about Izzy.

"I don't use 'em." Archie said placating Chop's fears. "But Tom gets checked regularly."

"Are you happy Archie?" Finn asked, "Are you actually… happy?" Finn shrugged, not knowing how to say what he meant.

"Yes." Archie replied. "It's rough, I won't deny it. But I like it. And I like Tom. And I'm happy." Finn nodded, satisfied with Archie's response.

"We alright?' Chop asked and Archie rolled his eyes.

"Yeah we're alright."

"I'm sorry." Finn said quietly as Archie got back into the shower.

"It's fine." He answered, "Still got shampoo in me hair." Archie said as he turned the water back on and started rinsing his hair. But Finn wasn't listening as Chop and Archie joked that that was the only reason Archie had come back. He as wondering why it was so bad to be the girl in the relationship. And what did that even mean anyway? He heard Chop ask him a question and turned his face to him with a question on his face. Chop rolled his eyes.

"I said, what were this intense stuff you done with Rae, then?" Finn scrunched his eyebrows slightly.

"I'm not sure if it's right for me to talk about her like that you know." He said thoughtfully.

"Is this cos o' that shite Phillip said to you?" Archie asked him.

"No."

"Fuck you're a bad liar." Archie chuckled.

"Izzy says Rae talks about your 'orgasmic sex' all the time." Chop said in a slightly mocking voice and Finn couldn't help but grin, "so she still talking about you…" Chop shrugged, "so you can still talk about her… it's the rules." He concluded.

"Phillip's just trying to rile you up. He wants Rae pretty bad!" Archie laughed.

"Who's that?" Chop asked.

"The guy Finn smashed at footy." Archie said with a grin.

'I was wondering why you was so particular about him." Chop put shampoo in his hair, "D'you reckon Rae'd go for him?"

"No way." Archie replied, but Finn's lack of response was quite conspicuous and they both turned to look at him.

"They're very good mates." Finn answered with a disgruntled look.

"Fuck that shite." Chop shook his head. "I'm gonna have to straighten our Rae Rae out."

"No don't." Finn said softly.

"She has to talk to him for school work, don't she?" Archie added and Finn nodded. Chop shook his head in disbelief.

"You two know nothing about girls!" He said, "You need to lay the law down on this one Finlay!" Finn started to laugh and Chop screwed his face up in frustration.

"What?"

"You imagine laying the law down with Rae?" Finn asked, shaking his head at Chop. Archie started to laugh too. "You have no idea!" Finn exclaimed. "I have to practically beg her to not go roaming around at night time on account of her stalker."

"You gotta be firmer with her!" This set both Archie and Finn off laughing again.

"Oh aye!" Finn laughed, "That'd be the best way to lose her." He looked at Archie who was still laughing.

"I'm telling you!" Chop said, "You gotta tell her to stop being mates with the Phillip guy." Chop said, "And we both know I know more about girls than you." Chop said smugly.

"No you don't." Finn shook his head laughing.

"Oh yeah?" Chop laughed too, also shaking his head, knowing he was right. Archie just kept laughing at both of them; they were such idiots.

"D'you know girls can have wet dreams?" Finn asked. Chop and Archie both stopped laughing and looked at him.

"You what?" Chop asked and Finn chuckled.

"Rae has sex dreams. Apparently, so do Chloe and Izzy." Chop opened his mouth wide in surprise.

"My Izzy?" Chop asked halfway between surprised and excited.

"Do they cum?" Archie asked weirdly fascinated.

"Rae gets real fucking close, but don't tip over, you know?" Finn said, "I fucking seen it." Archie and Chop looked suitably impressed.

"Holy shit!" Chop said happily.

"What else do you know about Izzy?" Chop asked suddenly disconcerted. Finn considered his response. He couldn't talk about the orgasm thing could he?

"You remember Elsa?"

"Go' how could I forget her?"

"You ask who she is every time you see her." Archie laughed.

"Do I?" Chop chuckled, "Shit."

"Izzy said Elsa made her question her sexuality." Finn said with a shrug. Chop's eyes opened wide as he thought about that. "That's what Rae said."

"Bloody hell, could you imagine them two together?" He suddenly said. "You're right about girls being dirtier than you think they are!" Chop said.

"Aye, it's not just Izzy, Rae was talking about a threesome with her."

"Fucking do it." Chop said instantly, very seriously.

"I don't even like girls and I can see that you should do it." Archie said solely, "For all lads everywhere."

"Nah!" Finn laughed.

"Are you fucking serious?" Chop asked, "You wouldn't have to ask me twice!"

"Rae's plenty enough for me." Finn grinned happily.

"Yeah but that's not what it's about." Chop argued, "It's about two girls at once!"

"Yeah but-"

"Finn, I am telling you that you have to do this." Chop said earnestly.

"All I'm trying to say, is that you don't know more about girls than me!" Finn retorted, changing the subject.

"Alright, I'll hand over me crown!" Chop laughed.

_'Beautiful Ones' by Suede_

"Ok, everyone back into the pairs you've been working in so far." Elsa said and Finn rolled his eyes so hard he thought he might end up spraining his retinas if he didn't stop. Stacey smiled sweetly and gently skipped over to him. Rae gave him an almost despairing look; they were supposed to be starting with new partners for the next duologues and they'd been hoping to work together this time.

"Before we start on the comedy duologues we're going to spend 2 weeks doing some group work." Elsa explained. "In your pairs, get together with some other pairings to create groups of 8 people." Izzy was sitting quietly, still able to do half days at school, but her doctors were pushing her to stop since her immune system was severely compromised. But Izzy was becoming strangely adamant in her illness. She didn't want to get too far behind at school. It was painful to see her pale face sometimes, but Chop had put them on notice. They had to be happy. Rae and Chloe sat on either side of Izzy, Finn next to Rae and Archie next to Finn. The five of them didn't move as everyone else started to move into groups of 8.

"I guess we're already a group." Stacey said as she looked at Phillip and Sam who had wandered over to Rae and Izzy. Archie and Chloe had been paired before, Finn and Stacey, Rae and Phillip and of course Izzy and Sam. Elsa walked around to each group handing them a folder of information.

"In each folder there's a different person. Each one of them an interesting and important figure in theatre that contributed in different ways. You will explore this person and their contributions and create a 20 minute performance piece in the style of this person's contributions." Elsa handed her folder to Rae, who opened it up immediately. "Not next Friday but the Friday after you'll be performing this. It's worth 10% of your final mark."

"Antonin Artaud." Rae said, "And the theatre of cruelty." Finn watched the way her eyes lit up and put his hand on her thigh, his fingers tracing out some words.

_You're beautiful._

She turned her eyes to him, alight with excitement.

"I love Artaud."

"Me too!" Phillip exclaimed, and they both instantly started talking about the theatre of cruelty. Finn watched, a lump in his throat. Every time this happened he felt so stupid. Kester had told him in their one on one sessions to remember all the times he did know what Rae was talking about; especially science, which he understood far better than her. But it wasn't just that he didn't know what she was talking about, it was that invariably Phillip would.

Stacey groaned loudly.

"Sounds like some BDSM rubbish." She complained.

"Nothing like it." Archie said and Izzy nodded.

"Artaud wanted to make the audience really experience danger, so he kinda made the audience super immersed in everything." Izzy remembered the readings they'd been given over the holidays, "He believed theatre should be realistic. He said that was an act of cruelty against the audience. Nothing to do with physical pain." She cleared her throat, feeling nauseous.

"Right. So mental pain." Sam joked. They started to laugh and joke, figuring out how they would turn this into something on the stage. Finn took the notes from Rae and quickly read over them, determined to keep up with her.

Within minutes Phillip and Rae had started an outline of a script, everyone happily letting them take the lead, even Stacey admitting it was for the best.

"I think we should stay away from tactile interactions." Izzy was countering Sam's idea of physically touching the audience. She ran her hand through her hair, as she had numerous times since she'd started chemotherapy, waiting for the inevitable clump of hair to come away in her hand. But it hadn't come yet. Not until today. In the middle of her performing arts class. Everyone was talking happily, so no one but Chloe noticed Izzy as she pulled the clump of hair out of her head. Rae saw it a moment later as Chloe gently lowered Izzy's hand. In the same movement Chloe put her hands over Izzy's hiding the clump of hair so no one would see it. Rae added one of her own hands, hiding it completely. Izzy's breath caught in her throat as she felt a sob wanting to rise in her chest. But she tried to keep a straight face, tried to focus on what was happening in the class.

Finn caught the change in mood and turned to Rae, he saw Chloe and Rae holding Izzy's hands. He knew something had happened to Izzy, he nudged Archie and drew his attention to it and heard a soft, sharp intake of breath. Archie raised his hand and Elsa nodded that she'd be over in a moment. Rae saw what Archie had done and tried to not draw too much attention to Izzy, so even though she wanted to debate Stacey and Sam's ideas and back Phillip up on the points he was making, she stayed silent. As Elsa approached, Rae removed her hand a little, Chloe understanding what she was doing did the same, Elsa saw the clump of hair in Izzy's hand and nodded her understanding. Izzy had elected to keep her illness private, but the teachers were made aware of it.

"I want you all to take a10 minute break." Elsa called out as she turned away. There was a murmur throughout the class; they'd been working for less than 15 minutes. "And in that 10 minutes I want each one of you to come up with an idea for your performance piece. And your group will be obliged to try and work it into the piece in some way." For the students that were not being listened to in their groups this was an excellent idea and everyone started to disperse throughout the hall to think privately. Izzy stood up slowly, Chloe and Rae beside her and the three of them left the hall without a word, unnoticed.

As soon as they were in the corridor Izzy stopped and leaned against the wall. Chloe and Rae checked the hallway, there was no one around. Rae looked back at the door and saw Elsa's back in the doorway, stopping anyone else from leaving the hall.

Izzy held up the clump of hair and let the tears that had been threatening before finally come. She ran her hand through her hair again and another, smaller clump fell away, tangling in her fingers.

"Oh Izzy." Chloe said sympathetically. Rae put an arm around her shoulders. Izzy stared at the hair.

"It was bound to happen." She said in a small voice. She sniffed as she put the two separate handfuls together. "Chop loves my hair." She whispered to the clumps as she rolled it up and shoved it in her pocket. There was nowhere else to put it. She looked at Chloe then Rae.

"It'll only keep getting worse from here." Her eyes were already sunken, her small body losing weight every day. She ran both of her hands through her hair, less fell out this time, but they all knew it was inevitable.

"Chlo. Can you get some scissors?" Chloe nodded in reply and left Rae and Izzy in the hallway, heading back to Elsa, standing in the doorway protectively, facing in to her other students.

"You gonna cut it off?" Rae asked and gently stroked her beautiful red waves. Izzy nodded.

"It'll be less obvious when it it falls out." She said with a determination that Rae had never really seen in anyone before.

"Do you want me to do it for you?"

"Could you?' Izzy asked urgently, "I don't know if I can do it myself Rae."

"Of course I'll do it." Rae said gently, "You can cut mine if you want. Then it'll be less obvious when we go back in." Rae smiled, "people'll just think we been les-ing out together. Let's already a rumour going round that I'm a lesbian so…" Izzy grinned and touched Rae's hair.

"I can't ask you to cut your hair Rae."

"No but I will."

"Thank you." Izzy threw her arms around Rae as Chloe was heading back with some scissors.

"Listen Izzy." Chloe said, "I were thinking I should cut my hair too, so it's less obvious." Izzy burst into tears and drew Chloe into the hug with Rae.

The three girls clung to each other, all of them crying until Izzy pulled back.

"We gotta do it." She breathed deeply and took the scissors from Chloe. She took a large lock of hair in her hand and cut it brutally short. She wrapped the lock up again and shoved it in her pocket. She handed the scissors to Rae.

"Chlo. Can you gather it all, make sure none stays here." Chloe nodded and looked at Rae, who with shaking hands took another large lock of Izzy's hair and gently cut it, trying to match the length Izzy had already done. She handed the lock to Chloe and grabbed another one. Izzy was stoically calm, while Rae concentrated and Chloe tried not to cry.

Inside the hall Finn and Archie tried to not stare at the door. Elsa gave them a one minute warning and they started to head back to their groups. Phillip and Archie ended up sitting next to each other and Archie looked at him as they waited for the rest of the group to assemble.

"Why won't you back off Rae?" He suddenly asked. "You know Finn's just gonna torture you until you do."

"Is this the part where you play the concerned citizen?" Phillip said with a cynical smile.

"I guess."

"You shouldn't worry about me." Phillip answered. "I can handle Finn."

"No but really? Why won't you back off? She's with Finn." Archie couldn't understand.

"Rae hasn't told me to back off." Phillip said simply, "she's the only one who can." Archie nodded his head, understanding the truth in his words.

"Isn't the fact that she's with Finn enough of a no for you?"

"Stacey used to be with Finn. She's not anymore."

"Why would you just wait around for them to break up, rather than find someone else?"

"I didn't choose to fall in love with Rae." Phillip said honestly. "It wasn't intended. At first I thought she were just a great singer. Then she was funny too. I thought she'd just be a good laugh to hang around; a bit of fun. But she so beautiful. And the more I got to know her, the more I realised that she is perfect." Phillip looked at Archie, "So you think I'm a fool for risking the wrath of Finn, for hanging around waiting. But wouldn't I be a fool for giving up on love too easily?" He looked down at his hands, "I'm in love with her. So I'll wait. And I'll put up with that twat being a twat." Archie looked down and then over at Finn.

"He loves her too."

"I know." Phillip said, "In his own way." He smiled grimly, "I'm here for the long haul Archie." He looked at the door that Rae had left through, "I have faith she'll make the right choice in the end."

Chloe took her own hair elastic out and tied Izzy's hair together, then handed it to Izzy. She held up her cut off the impromptu ponytail and felt her short, cropped hair.

"You look super cute with short hair Izzy." Rae grinned and Izzy smiled in return.

"I think we should use black lights if we got any for the group piece." Izzy said firmly and Rae nodded.

"Good idea."

"Can you tell Elsa I went home? I don't think I can go back in there." Izzy lowered her eyes.

"For sure." Chloe said and she hugged Izzy.

"We'll see you tomorrow yeah?" Izzy nodded in response to Rae and hugged her before turning and heading for the exit, her long pony tail of cut off hair dangling from her hand.

Rae and Chloe walked back into the room holding hands, feeling dejected.

"Do you think we should cut our hair anyway?' Chloe asked.

"I think we should just do whatever Izzy says." Rae responded and Chloe decided that was best.

"Yeah, seeing us with short hair might just constantly remind her… or seeing is with long hair might too…" Chloe shook her head. "There's no right answer is there?"

"I don't think so." Rae took a look around the room and found Finn, his eyes filled with concern watching her.

They drove back to Finn's house after school, Rae explaining to him what had happened.

"It just feels so much more real now." Rae said. "Like it's really happening." Finn put a hand on her thigh but kept his eyes on the road. "It's like I were convincing myself that she had the flu or something and that's why she looked so pale… but now…" she tutted at herself, "must sound so daft."

"No. No, it doesn't." Finn's voice was filled with understanding and she leaned over and kissed his cheek.

"So what'd you get on your performing arts essay?"

"I haven't looked." Finn said with a solemn grin. Elsa had handed them back, folded, so as to maintain privacy. The first thing Rae'd done was open it up. A-. Not a bad mark. Phillip had gotten and A. She'd have to beat him next time. But Finn had shoved his in his bag without looking.

They pulled up at his house and he jumped out to open the door for her. He took her hand, and the bags and walked towards the door.

"Why haven't you looked?" She continued their conversation.

"Not brave enough." He chuckled, but lowered his eyes. The door was unlocked, meaning his dad was home early from work; he always left the door unlocked for Finn. Finn always locked it after he got in.

"What are you worried about?" She turned to him.

"I dunno." He avoided making eye contact with her. She waited for him to speak, letting the silence draw out. "It's the first essay I've actually tried on." He said softly. "I mean, really it's the first bit of homework in College that I really, really tried on. Science I do easy, and music I do half-arsed, except for that song I was doing for you… but that never got anywhere near the school in the end." He sighed, "And I know I've done some English stuff since this. But this was the first essay I ever really did. And it'll be my first mark back."

"You tried, so you'll get a good mark!" Rae said encouragingly.

"What if I don't?"

"What were your grades like before?"

"A's and B's for science. Solid B in music. D's and F's for everything else." He looked up at her.

"So what do you think would be a good mark in a performing arts essay?" Rae asked, "Since it were your first essay ever?" Rae sat down with him at the kitchen table, "realistically, what do you think will be a good enough mark?"

Finn considered this for a long time.

"I'd like a C+" Finn said slowly. "I think I put in like an A effort, but I think the content and the structure might not be that good, especially not after doing Mrs Vines' critical essay writing assignment."

"C+?" She asked and he nodded. "That would be quite an improvement from D's and F's." Rae agreed. "But I'll be just as proud of you if you get as D." She added meaningfully.

"What if I get an F?"

"You won't." Rae smiled, "You handed in an actual essay; Elsa won't fail you." Rae picked up his bag and sorted through it finding out the folded up essay. She handed it to him and he looked down at it.

"Hi Rae, hi Finn." Gary breezed into the kitchen and started making a cup of tea. "Now just reminding you two that I'm at a conference from tonight until Monday, and Janice will be in Leeds for most of that time."

"We remember!" Rae said and gave Finn a dirty wink. He grinned at her but turned to his dad.

"Tonight?" Finn asked surprised.

"I got a redeye flight. I thought I told you?" He answered.

"You told me." Rae answered and Gary nodded.

"Of course!" He remembered and shook his head, "Now you two will be ok alone, yeah?"

"Yeah." Finn replied. And Gary busied himself in the kitchen.

"Open it." Rae said softly.

"What is it?" Gary asked as he looked over.

"Me first mark back." Finn answered.

'Oh yeah? Science, music or other?' Gary asked grimly.

"Other." Finn looked down at the essay and his father put on a brave face.

"Performing arts essay." Rae explained.

"Essay?" Gary said, "You actually did it then?" He sounded amazed and came and sat down at the table.

"Yeah da thanks!" Finn said with a laugh and a shake of the head. Gary looked over at Rae and they shared a grin as Finn opened it up. He stared at it for a long time silently. Rae and Gary looking at him expectantly.

"What'd you get?" Rae asked eventually, not sure whether to be worried or excited. Finn looked up at her, a grin slowly spreading across his face.

"B+" He turned it to her and watched the smile light up her face.

"B+?" Gary asked and took the essay. "Bloody hell." He marvelled. "Do I put this up on the fridge?" He joked.

"Dad!" Finn said, obviously chuffed.

"Yep. I'm putting it on the fridge!"

"No we gotta read the comments!" Rae laughed and reached for the essay, "They tell you how to improve!"

"Let's just enjoy the mark first." Gary answered as he put it up on the fridge. "I think this is the first essay you've actually ever written." Gary stared at it and Finn laughed and blushed.

"I'm not 5 da!" Finn giggled, really pleased with himself and Rae was thrilled for him.

"I don't care how old y'are. A good mark is a good mark!" He turned to Finn and gave him a hug, "I'm real proud of the effort you're putting in. I'm glad you're getting rewarded for it." Gary looked at the essay again. "I think I'll get take out for dinner in celebration." He declared and went to find the take out menus. Rae leaned over and kissed him.

"Better than a C+." She said in a low voice and he nodded.

"I can't believe it."

"Well while your father feeds you as a celebration, I've got something else in mind." She said suggestively and he smiled.

'Yeah?"

"Something a little special I've been waiting for the right time to do." He felt his body throb in anticipation.

"Something special?" He breathed.

"You'll have to wait till your da goes tonight though."

"Oh but that's hours away." He groaned.

"Oh I know." She smiled innocently.

_'Physical (You're So)' by Nine Inch Nails_

Finn closed the door as his dad pulled out of the driveway. He'd offered to drive him to the airport, hoping he'd choose to use the long term parking instead, like he usually did.

He'd been asking Rae all afternoon what it was she was planning to do tonight.

_What is it?_

Had been traced on her body so many times, only to get an enigmatic smile in return, every time.

He turned to her, to see her disappearing up the stairs. He bounded after her, a huge expectant grin on his face.

When he got into his room he closed the door behind them and instantly took her into his arms but she pushed him away hard.

"Don't touch me." She ordered seductively. He gave her a confused look and took his hands off her. "Strip." She breathed as he backed off. Finn started to take his clothes off, a confused and bemused smile on his face.

"Alright girl." He stood before her naked, she was still fully clothed. "Your turn." He nodded at her clothes, wanting her to get naked with him. She shook her head, a devious smile on her face.

"Get on the bed." He bit his bottom lip, not sure what she was playing at, but his whole body was exciting and aching for her, and this was something completely new. He kept his lustful eyes on her as he sat on the bed.

"Down boy." She whispered. And he opened his mouth in surprise, but silently laid down. She slowly stripped her tights off and he watched, entranced by her actions. She brought them over to him and put them to his face, he could smell her on them. She hadn't worn underwear under them. All day. And she hadn't told him. She'd waited for this moment to give him the smell of her to reveal it. He groaned and licked his lips. He reached out for her and she gave him a disapproving look.

"Uh-uh!" She ordered and his hands dropped, a questioning but excited look on his face. She straddled him, her warm cunt resting on his erect cock. He narrowed his eyes in desire, bit his bottom lip, but kept his hands off her. She took his hand and tied the end of her stocking around his wrist. Understanding crept across Finn's face and he moaned appreciatively as she laced the stockings through the woodwork of his bedhead, pulling his arm up above his head, and leaving the other leg of the stocking available to tie his other wrist, which he gladly offered up to her.

She tied him tightly, securely, checking the bonds and he grinned at her as she worked. She got off him, went to her bag of clothes and bent over, her skirt riding up, showing him a view of her arse. He licked his lips in anticipation for what she had planned while staring at her bare flesh. She gathered up some things from her bag, and to Finn's surprise she went to his desk and pulled out one of the sex books he'd stashed there. She turned to him with a sinuous smile on her face. She strolled back to him and put all the items on the floor, where he couldn't see them. She pulled out the other set of tights and tied his ankles.

She looked down at him, and without a word she turned and left the room. Finn groaned and pulled at his bindings as he watched her close the door.

In the bathroom Rae looked in the mirror, her innards buzzing.

"Am I really gonna do all o' this?" She looked in the mirror and found herself smiling, "yes I am." She felt giddy with power as she heard him call her name lustily. She pulled her hair into a messy, high pony tail and opened her secret weapon. The bright red lipstick she'd finally built up the nerve to buy a little while ago. She slowly, carefully applied the lipstick to her full mouth and looked at the result.

"Fucking amazing." She marvelled at how a slash of red on her mouth could make her feel ten times more seductive than she'd ever felt. He was calling her name again, urgently, hungrily.

She took a deep breath and headed back into his room. He instantly stopped pulling on his bindings the moment she returned. His eyes fell to her lips and a soft, appreciative sigh escaped his mouth. She sat on the edge of the bed and ran her finger down his chest, down to his stomach, stopping at his navel. She'd gotten a taste for torturing him when she'd been on her period. But this would be far better, because at the end of it, she intended to untie him and let him do whatever he wanted to her.

She picked up 'the new joy of sex' and opened it to one of the pages he'd dog eared reading it silently, his eyes on her, she looked over the top of the book at him.

"Biting?" She asked and he grinned cheekily. She flicked to another dog eared page, "Discipline?" She read through it, already knowing what it said, she'd been peeking looks at this book for weeks, "start gently… She mused, "Gradually build up force." She flicked to another page, "feathers…" another page, "rear entry; any position where he takes her from behind…" She looked up at him, "we've only done that a few times." She said sadly and looked back down at the book. "Mouth music." She looked at the picture in the book that accompanied this heading; a woman giving oral sex to a man. She looked at Finn, "interesting book." She turned back to it, "Particularly this part." She showed him the page on bondage and he bit his bottom lip and looked at her expectantly a gentle blush creeping over his face.

"How long have you known about that book?" He asked cheekily.

"A while." She bent over to pick up something else.

"Oh aye?" He breathed, beyond excited.

"And I've read it all now. So many ideas." Her eyes glinted with deviousness as she flitted a feather over the side of his stomach and he sucked air in quickly.

"Tickles." He whispered.

"Don't move." She ordered and he closed his eyes, bracing himself as the feather travelled over his other side. Her hand travelled down his stomach, her fingernails scratching, as the feather tickled his side. She watched him bite his bottom lip, steadying himself and when he opened his eyes, he was calmer; ready for whatever she was planning, ready for her. She saw that look, and knew she could begin.

Slowly she kissed down his stomach, leaving a trail of red lipstick, her lips dragging slightly as she licked his skin. He watched her mouth on him, and tried to supress his groans, wanting to let it all build up for when she inevitably untied him.

She surprised him by instantly taking him into her mouth. He was expecting far more torture. He watched her bright red lips riding up and down his shaft and groaned loudly. She sucked him passionately, with more ferocity than she'd ever had before.

"Oh fuck." He moaned as he watched the head of his cock slide out of her red lips.

"Tell me what you like." She ordered in a soft breathy voice.

"I like that just fine." He nodded his head slowly, his eyes never leaving her mouth as she engulfed his glans again. Her eyes looked up at him. He moaned as she took his full length into her throat, gagging slightly but pushing past it. He groaned urgently and thrust his hips, ramming his cock into her throat.

And then she stopped.

He looked at her bewildered.

"Why'd you stop?" He asked with real pleading in his voice. She reached down to beside the bed.

"That's enough of pleasure." Her voice wavered, unsure of what she was doing. A thrill of excited fear shot through Finn. He had no idea what was coming next; and she wasn't entirely sure of what she was about to do. "Time for some pain." She lit a candle and he watched the flame, a knot forming in his stomach. Chloe had told her about this. Said it drove men wild. Made them angry, made them fuck even harder. Rae was ready for that. Rae wanted an angry Finn to fuck her hard.

"What?" He asked incredulously, his eyes on the flame. She held the candle high above his chest and tipped it letting the wax slowly dribble out onto him.

He took a shuddering gasp in as the hot wax hit his chest. It hurt. Exquisitely. He groaned, unexpectedly excited.

"Fucking hell." He gasped as she moved the candle closer, hotter wax pouring onto him this time. She leaned down and bit his inner thigh. A short, sharp nipping bite. And he yelped, not expecting it.

He looked up into her eyes and saw that she was far from done with him.

"Enough pain?" He pleaded, the bite on his thigh throbbing. "More pleasure?"

"Not if you ask for it." Rae said with a cocky grin as she poured more wax on him. He grunted with pain and desire for her.

"What if I beg?"

"Just shut your pretty mouth." Finn was gasping through the frustration, pain and desire. He slowly closed his mouth and she put the candle down. He understood now.

"Keep your mouth shut." She whispered as she got closer. She kissed his mouth. And he moaned in infuriated desire as he kept his mouth shut. She licked his lips and passionately kissed his closed mouth.

But he couldn't help himself and he kissed her back, their tongues embracing for a moment before she stopped, took the candle and poured wax on him.

"OK! OK! I get it!" He cried out in pain as she bit his other inner thigh. "Alright." He closed his mouth and watched her with lust and rage in his eyes.

"Good boy." She rewarded him by slowly unbuttoning her shirt and removing it. Now she wore her skirt, her singlet and her bra. He groaned through his closed lips as he watched her throw the shirt across is room.

"You can open your mouth now." She said kindly, "but don't speak unless I tell you to." He nodded and let his lips part slightly as his eyes drank her in. He groaned, almost aggressively as she kissed his neck, pulling on his bindings slightly. She snaked back down his body, her eyes locked on his and took his cock back into her mouth. He gave a shaky groan. She took him deep into her throat again and slowly sucked the full length of him.

"Talk." She said softly as she pulled back slightly to look at him.

"You're fucking killing me." He groaned and she wrapped her tongue around the head of his cock. He pulled on the restraints, wanting to plunge his fingers in her hair. She chuckled throatily and sat up.

"Good boy." She bit her bottom lip as she slowly took her singlet off. "Talk." She commanded again.

"You're so fucking sexy." He marvelled, his hands twitching to touch her. He'd made himself keep his hands above his head before, had resisted the urge to touch her while she sucked his cock. It had been a delicious experience. But this was entirely different. Now he couldn't touch her; he couldn't just choose to start touching her again when it got too much to bear. His hands twitched and he pulled on his bindings, as he watched her run her hands over her own body. He pulled harder on the ties wondering how the hell she'd tied them so good. He was desperate to touch her. He groaned as she sat at the end of the bed, propping a pillow between her back and the high, wooden footrest. She was so perfect right now. Bra and short denim skirt, her hair high on her head, the red lipstick slightly smudged. He looked down at himself, his chest coated with wax, his throbbing cock covered with that red lipstick. A tiny whimper of desired escaped him as she spread her legs slowly, revealing her beautiful cunt. He looked at it and sighed longingly, his hands twitching again. She rested her arms on her bent knees, her legs parted, a smile on her face as Finn stared at her.

"Good view?" She asked and he nodded his head slowly.

"Very." He made himself look away from her cunt so he could see the look on her face. It was the first time he'd seen her look shy since this had begun. Shy but determined. She locked eyes with him and slowly let her hands fall between her thighs, her fingertips finding her clitoris. Finn whimpered as he realised what she was going to do. He pulled on his constraints.

"You gotta let me touch you!" He pleaded.

And she stopped.

He groaned so loud and pulled on the tights so viciously, as she crawled forward to get the candle that she almost wondered if she was pushing him too hard.

"Alright, alright!" He said before she'd poured it but she was not to be bargained with. "FUCK!" He sputtered loudly as she put the candle closer still, the wax very hot, and poured the melted wax on him. She'd already tested this on herself, so she knew how hot it was.

"Now be a good boy." She said as she saw the rage and lust building in his eyes. It was going to be monumental when she untied him. He forced his mouth shut and nodded. She rewarded him by slowly taking her bra off, his eyes looked down at her breasts and he sighed desirously through clenched teeth. Rae loved the way his hands twitched with his desire to touch her. She rubbed her tits up against his cock and he groaned as he saw the glans poking up between them.

"I give you permission to say words that express gratitude or admiration for me. Nothing else." She said softly and Finn nodded again.

"Thank you." He said softly, warily, his eyes flitting to the candle. She rubbed her tits up and down his cock revelling in the effect she was having on him. "You're too fucking sexy." He barely formed the words properly he was so taken with lust and outrage that he couldn't just fucking touch her. He wanted to grab those breasts and push them together around his cock. And fuck them hard. She was getting far too good at this torturing him business.

She slowly sat back at the bottom of the bed and he held his breath, not wanting to say anything in case he ruined it and the wax was administered. She spread her legs again and he looked back down at her pussy, glistening with moisture. There was no shyness now, she caressed her cunt slowly her eyes on his as he watched intently. She let out a soft sigh as she traced around her clitoris slowly. He sighed in response, his eyes unable to look away, his breath deep and slow, his mouth open with desire

"The first time I did this." She said softly, her finger starting to rub her clitoris slowly. "The centurion, told me that he must have me." She smiled as she saw Finn's face, his whole body tense with desire for her.

"You fucking dirty tease. I must have you." He breathed, afraid he'd said too much and be punished, but part of him wanted it too. She let out a soft chuckle and slid a finger inside of her wet pussy.

"Oh fucking hell." He whispered and shook his head, ready to beg to be allowed to touch her, to taste her. But he stopped himself, his hands twitching and straining on the knots around his wrists.

"You've been thinking about it since I told you haven't you?" She asked innocently.

"Aye." Finn licked his lips, thinking about eating that beautiful cunt that she was so expertly fingering. His whole body yearned for her, his cock felt like it was alight with fire and electricity and rage. He was enraged with desire for her. He pulled aggressively on the restraints. He watched her as she pleasured herself, ignoring him now, groaning slightly as she sped up, her fingers massaging her clitoris perfectly. She turned her eyes to Finn as she let her other hand travel from her pussy up her body to cup one of breasts.

"Oh my fucking god." Finn could barely believe the look in her eyes as she stared at him, masturbating. He stopped pulling on the restraints and drank every single millimetre of her in, committing this moment to memory.

"The first time I came." She said, obviously close to orgasm, her eyes penetrating him, "I was thinking about you." Her breath started to speed up, "now… when I cum…" Her body started to shake and her breath came in short ragged gasps. Finn watched, his balls aching to cum as he watched her make herself orgasm, still thinking about him, watching him. She finished coming, her breath slowly returning to normal. She got up and sat on the bed.

"Keep your mouth closed." Her voice was still raw with orgasm and he winced with desire that was burning in his veins. He closed his mouth and she put her fingers under his nose. He took a deep breath, smelling her cunt, her cum on her fingers and groaned deeply. She traced his lips, leaving her juices on his mouth. His eyes were furious, lusty, predatory. His mouth twitched but he didn't open his mouth as she let her fingers linger on his lips. She drank in that predatory look. She'd only seen it in him one other time; just before she'd told him that her period was over. Now she had him at that place again, where he was worried he wouldn't be able to stop himself. And she had him tied up. Time to push even harder. She grinned sadistically and slowly stripped her skirt off.

"Good boy." She told him as he whimpered with the effort of keeping his mouth shut. "Lick your lips." Before she'd even finished the sentence he was licking is lips, his eyes closed, imagining that he was licking her. When he opened his eyes, it was obvious that his predatory instincts were taking over. Rae smiled as she watched his eyes follow her as she crossed the room for no reason other than to watch him watching her. He was silent, still, like a leopard ready to launch himself at her. Again, the worry that she was pushing too hard crossed her mind, but the tenseness in his body, the taught skin of his erect cock, the desire in his eyes convinced her otherwise. She saw a towel on the floor and picked it up, making sure to show him her arse as she bent. He didn't groan. His eyes burned with more desire, his focussed tightened. She used the towel to wipe the wax off him and he watched her, internally wincing as the wax pulled on his hairs but far too focussed on his prey to even fully notice the pain. She grabbed the bottle of vodka she'd left on the floor she poured some on his stomach and was rewarded by a return of his groan. But it was different. It wasn't filled with just desire, there was a warning in it now. Warning her of the things he was gonna do to her when he was untied. Rae felt her cunt start to really ache for him. Up until then everything had been all aimed at getting him so turned on he was fucking crazy for her. And now that he was, she was desperate to let him fuck her. But she made herself hold her ground. He wasn't nearly desirous or predatory enough yet. She licked the vodka off his stomach and a groan, starting deep in his stomach greeted her ears. It sounded like a lion warning off an interloper. He was warning her that the more she pushed the more ferocious he'd become. She laughed and his eyes opened wide in fury and craving for her. She definitely felt like she was a deer of some sort and he was on the prowl, his eyes followed her every move. She took his cock into her mouth again and his body tensed even more, his breath shortening, that deep warning groan that was almost a growl.

"Talk." She whispered. He didn't say anything just kept his eyes on her and she reached for the candle. A strange smile crept over his face as she held it up. She poured the wax on him and he exhaled in pain, his whole body gasping, his eyes never leaving hers as he opened his mouth in pain and pleasure.

"You don't wanna untie me." He threatened, still trying to contain himself.

"Not yet anyway." And she saw that he understood her now. She wanted him to lose it completely. She didn't wait for full understanding to come to him before she knelt above him, her pussy near his mouth.

"Keep your closed." She gently rubbed her cunt against his closed mouth and saw the real pleasure in his eyes as he realised that he was allowed to lose himself in this. She grabbed the vodka from the side.

"Drink." She said as she poured the vodka down her body. He opened his mouth and drank the vodka. "Eat me." She gasped as his whole mouth devoured her cunt. She closed the vodka bottle and rolled it away. She didn't want him drunk, that was no good for what she did want. She ground her pussy into his face and saw him pulling on the restraints as he licked her mercilessly, her body shaking with the force of his mouth on her. She held the bedhead to brace herself and noticed the tights starting to tear, saw his muscles straining as he pulled on them. She came loudly, watching him desperately trying to get at her with his hands.

She stood up, her legs shaky.

"When you break through those bonds." She said softly. "I don't want you to hold back." She ran her hands up her body, "I want you to hurt me while you make me cum." She watched him pulling at his restraints more, his whole body tense. "All things you think I'm too precious to do to me. The things you apologised for before, in Sutherland. I want that. And more. Harder. Rougher." She saw that the tights wouldn't hold for much longer, "I don't want it to hurt too much." She tried to temper the look in his eyes that was starting to frighten her a little, "but I expect to hurt a little. I want it to."

There was a tearing sound as the tights gave away, all the way to the top elastic band. Rae picked up the scissors she'd had in her stash of things beside the bed and cut his ankle restraints.

"Come get me." She ordered as she tossed the scissors away. With his legs Free Finn was up, kneeling on the bed and able to throw his weight behind getting free. She watched the muscles in his body work as he reefed at his restraints and they finally tore completely. And he was on her, the tights still attached to his wrists tightly, torn down the middle, trailing on the floor, He spun her around and pushed her down, grabbing hold of her hair as he did, he entered her from behind and fucked her hard, his hand holding a big fistful of her hair as leverage. She gasped as he grabbed one of her wrists, hard, and twisted her arm up behind her back, pushing her down onto the bed. She lay prone, pinned beneath him, one hand beneath her, the other twisted behind her as he straddled her thighs and pounded into her cunt so hard her whole body moved with each jarring thrust. When he got close to coming he stopped himself, and jumped up, pulling her up by the hair, so that she was standing in front of him.

"Alright girl?" He looked at her momentarily, a hint of worried Finn behind the predator.

"Just do it." She said joyously, "use me!" She pleaded. "I'll say no if…" But he was pushing her onto her knees and she opened her mouth, ready. He held her head in place and thrust into her mouth, groaning a deep satisfied moan. She gagged and he didn't stop. Normally he did. She felt her insides tingling excitedly. This is what she'd wanted, for him to stop fretting about her being fragile when they were playing rough. He held himself inside of her throat, and she felt herself desperate for air so she raked her nails along his calf and he hissed in pain, letting her breathe. He looked back at the blood on his calf and gave her an admiring look.

"Next time you draw blood, I'll give you a slap." He warned. She raked her nail viciously across his other calf and he pulled her up buy the hair, she cried out in pain, but he didn't stop as he flung her onto the bed and smacked her arse hard. She laughed.

"Call that a slap?' She goaded him trying to get her nails on him again. He put a knee in her back to hold her down and slapped her arse harder. Rae felt her cunt tingling with pleasure. In Sutherland she'd had a small taste of what spanking did to her, and a few times since then he'd tapped her gently on the arse. But she'd wanted more for some time. She wormed her hand back and found his foot, she scratched the top of it as hard as she could, bending her nails back painfully.

"AH!" He called out in pain and looked at her in disbelief, saw the way her teeth were gritted in determination.

"Don't hold back!" She ordered him.

"Alright then girl." He marvelled as he raised his hand higher, watching her looking at him over her shoulder. He brought his hand down with a shuddering force on the roundest part of the left cheek of her arse and she cried out loudly with pain and pleasure, a wholly singular experience for both of them. He did it with the same force on her right cheek and was rewarded with the same cry.

"Harder." She gasped. And he obliged happily, hearing her starting to groan as if she were being penetrated. He spanked her again, her arse now a rosy red colour. He had to have her. He got up and rolled her over roughly before pulling her to the edge of the bed. She loved the way he manhandled her and laid back, feeling her arse burning from the slaps. He knelt on the floor between her thighs and thrust into her as she laid on the bed, her hands above her head, her back arched. He grabbed her legs and pushed them up, forcing her knees towards her chest and Rae gasped loudly; this slight change in position completely changed the way he felt inside of her. It was more intense he felt even bigger inside of her and she very quickly starting screaming out his name as she came. He knew he was getting close so he stopped fucking her and straddled her, fucking her tits, his hands squeezing them together brutally.

"I wanna cum all over you." He said to her.

"Do it." She could barely breathe. He pulled her head up and fucked her mouth.

"I'm gonna." He answered as if it was never in question. He closed his eyes as he started to come, then opened them to watch as he came into her mouth. "Show me." She opened her mouth and he grinned at the huge load he'd left in her mouth. "Swallow it." He ordered and she did, showing him her empty mouth before sucking is cock again and he groaned as he pulled away and laid on the bed.

"Come on." He motioned for her to get on top and she did, he slid back into her and she rode him watching the normal Finn and predator Finn fighting for expression in his eyes. She didn't want this rough sex to end. She tried to think of something to get him riled up again. She grinned sadistically as she thought of something, and he looked at her quizzically.

"Sorry." She said in an entirely unapologetic voice. She raised her hand and slapped his face hard. He looked at her stunned, "don't soften up now." He gritted his teeth at her.

"Bitch." He said dirtily.

"Oh I love it when you talk dirty." She breathed, somehow turned on so much by him calling her that. He leaned up and kissed her roughly, biting her bottom lip hard before he pushed her off him.

"Bend over." He ordered as he got up, his face still stinging. He ran the head of his cock down her crack and for a moment Rae felt him pressing against her anus and panicked, but it passed and he was sliding into her cunt. That moment of fear had been delicious and she came almost immediately, riding the fear into pleasure. He grabbed both of her arms and pinned her down again fucking her brutally hard, she gasped delightedly coming again, her legs feeling like jelly. He was breathing raggedly having fucked until he was exhausted, feeling her convulse and shake beneath him, but not counting orgasms this time, this time he was only thinking of building his own orgasm. He registered her crying out in pleasure, but focussed on himself. He pulled her to the edge of the bed again, enjoying fucking her that way, and she rolled over for him, raising her legs so he could plunge into her immediately. But he didn't, once again he slid his cock along her crack, pushing at her anus for a moment, seeing the fear in her eyes and grinning sadistically he lingered for a moment before he continued to his intended destination. She saw that he had been teasing and she slapped his arm hard, he laughed as he thrust into her hard, watching the orgasm rapidly build, once again riding on the fear. He reached up and grabbed her tits hard, squeezing them together as he fucked her. She arched her back and raked her nails up his back. He pulled out and jerked his cock a few times, spraying a huge wad of cum all over her body that surprised him. Looked at him, utterly exhausted but glowing with pleasure and scooped the cum that had landed on her face into her mouth. He scooped some of the cum that had landed on her breasts onto his fingertips and she sucked his fingers eagerly. He groaned throatily.

"Fuck I don't think I got the energy to go again." He said as he watched her scoop some more from her breasts into her mouth. He took some from her stomach and she licked it from his fingers like it was chocolate sauce.

"Jesus Christ Rae, I'm gonna have to have you again." She sucked his fingers lean and looked up at him.

"Is that even possible?" She asked.

"I didn't think twice were possible." He grinned, "But you proved that wrong." He touched her face and leaned in to kiss her, tasting his cum on her lips and tongue again, making him groan. He sat on the bed. "I think I'm too exhausted." He laughed, even as his cock started to perk back up a little.

"We've got until Monday by ourselves." She said softly, "we can do this again." She grinned. Finn inhaled with a slight hiss.

"Oh Rae." He shook his head, "After that, I gotta make love to you a couple o' times to feel right." He shook his head. "Sorry I hit you so hard."

"No more sorry's." She said sternly, "I wanted it!" She said truthfully, "turns out, I like the rough stuff a little." She grinned, her face reddening slightly. Finn sat back a little to take her in.

"Alright." He nodded his head, "No more sorry's about sex." He looked at her beautiful face, "but that were pretty rough. You sure you're alright?"

"Yeah." She reassured him, "I came like 40 fucking times!" He gave her a sceptical, "ok, I lost track, but I'm sure you got into double figures." He grinned, satisfied. "You alright?" She saw blood under nails and winced on his behalf.

"Aye. More than alright." He scratched his head in thought, "but…" he licked his lips and looked at her, "but I do want to keep a balance you know, making love and fucking… and this stuff… this fucking you like a dirty whore. Not too often, you know?"

"A dirty whore?" Rae asked laughing.

"Aye. That's how I fucked you."

"That was more like a perfectly clean whore."

"Oh right?" He chuckled dirtily, "rougher next time then?"

"Yes." Rae commanded firmly.

"Alright." He grinned smuttily, "You are too sexy Rae. And wonderfully perverted"

"We're a good match then." They stared at each other, his hand going to hers.

"What are you gonna do when I tie you up like that and do that to you?" He asked with a cocky grin.

"Enjoy it." She said with lusty face that made his insides sing. He felt his love for her surging upwards, she was just unlike anyone he'd ever known. She always kept him guessing. She was so exciting.

He bit the inside of his mouth for a moment.

"But not too often, I never want you to think that this is… I dunno… normal or… what I think about you… or…" he made the face he always made when he knew he was being inarticulate. Rae waited for him, "You're precious to me and I like treating you like that." He said finally.

"I know." She answered.

"Good. Don't forget it."

"You won't let me." She kissed his lips tenderly and he caressed her face softly. "And I agree with you about the rough sex not being too often." She told him. "I like how close we feel when we make love. It's still my favourite." He made a relieved sound as she knew he would. He was such a softy really. But the predator in him needed an airing occasionally, and she'd be more than happy to help him out with that.

"We both have a part of us that likes to fuck hard sometimes," She said simply, "let's not worry about that. It's not really an issue is it? We both think the same way about this stuff." He stroked her hair grinning stupidly. "I wanna explore and do all sorts of things with you." She stroked his face, "but none of it will ever beat just… being close to you." She said with a real vulnerability, wanting to tell him she loved him, but not feeling brave enough to say it. "Nothing's better than making love with you."

"You're right; nothing's better." He held her to him and kissed her lips softly. "I gotta stop making an issue out of nothing." He grinned. "I just worry about you."

"I promise I will tell you if I'm not alright with what you do. Just try it, we'll see how it goes."

"Sometimes I worry that what I want is too much."

"Oh yeah like what?"

"Alright, like the fear in your eyes when I got close to…" He nodded her head and she understood what he meant.

"I'm not ready for that." She acknowledged. "But now that I know for sure that it's something you want to do…"

"I didn't say that."

"You don't need to." She said reassuringly.

"I'm not trying to pressure you."

"And you're not." She said firmly, slightly frustrated with him. "Just want what you want, and we'll deal with it." She ordered and he nodded slowly, "and as for… anal." She shook her head, not understanding why he'd want it. He recognised what she was thinking. He wanted to say that he was sorry, but knew she didn't want that from him.

"You just got such a sexy arse." He explained and she grinned begrudgingly at him. "And I mean it when I say it doesn't matter if you don't want to. I am more than satisfied with everything else." He tried to read her expression, "You believe me?"

"Yeah alright."

"Cos I mean it."

"If I ever feel like I can do it… I will tell you."

"You're still worried that I'll find you boring aren't you?" He asked astutely and she nodded. "Don't ever think that again." He answered immutably, "If we were to have sex in the same position and nothing else for the rest of our lives, I wouldn't get bored of it." He smiled at her honestly, "so I'm officially putting anal sex off the books." He declared, "Not gonna happen ever." She watched his face closely, "look at that, I don't care one bit." He grinned, "Alright girl?"

"Alright." She kissed him and he raised a hand to her face. His fingertips were a little cold and she noticed her tights still attached to his wrists and she laughed guiltily as she gently untied the tights. There were deep welts around his wrists from the tightness of them and the pulling on them he'd done.

"Oh shit." She said as she gently caressed the welts. "You're gonna have to leave marks on me one day or I'll forever feel guilty." She said as she noticed the redness on his chest from the wax. He pulled a slight face, one tinged with guilt. "What?"

"I did." He answered guiltily, and stood up and offered her his hand. They walked, hand in hand to the bathroom, Rae knowing he was going to use the mirror to show her.

When she looked over her shoulder at the small bruise rising on her arse cheek, just the left one, she laughed.

"Have you seen your back?" Finn looked at the scratch marks down his back and then on his calves.

"You're a vicious harpy." He chuckled and she laughed at him as she turned the shower on. "I really can't judge Archie can I?" He looked at her red arse, the bruise deepening in colour before his eyes.

"You saw the bruises then?"

"Aye." He said as he checked the water temperature. "Takes so fucking long." He complained about the shower's heating up capabilities.

"I were worried too. But I think sex is just… it's what it is, you know?" She shrugged, "people like all sorts o' things." She closed the bathroom door and turned to him, "to be honest, when I were a virgin, I never thought I'd like half the stuff I like." She felt the water and groaned at how cold it still was.

"Aye." Finn agreed, "I never thought I'd pull a girl's hair. Least of all the girl I-" He stopped, their eyes meeting. She knew he'd nearly said it. His mouth moved slightly, and she could see his mind working things over. She wondered if she should prod him, try to make him say it. She saw a strange look come over his face and wished she could read his mind. He lowered his eyes slightly, looking at her mouth. She licked her lips and he leaned in and kissed her, slowly, softly, but deeply. His fingers travelled up her chest and touched the necklace around her neck and she saw that look in his eyes as he looked down at it and then back up at her.

"The girl I care about so much." He slowly, clearly emotional, and she saw that he was disappointed with himself, she knew that look, but there was something else; fear perhaps? A waft of steam rose from the shower and Finn took a deep breath as he turned to put his hand under the hot water.

"It's ready." He said in a small voice.

Rae touched his face, wanting to tell him she loved him, but she was afraid too. What if she was reading all the signs wrong? She wanted to reassure him, to tell him she understood that fear, that he could take as long as he needed to say those words.

Instead she kissed him, as disappointed in herself as he was in himself. But he smiled happily and put his hands on her hips.

"My girl." He said fondly as he looked at her, "smart and beautiful and funny and sexy. And a perverted wench." She laughed and got in the shower. He joined her, already thinking about what he'd cook her for dinner.

_'Higher' by D'Angelo_

Archie looked around nervously and took a sip of the wine. Tom smiled winningly at him and Archie grinned back.

"I don't think I've ever been to a place so posh." Archie looked down at the menu. "I don't know what half of this stuff is." He picked a random thing from the menu "Rabbit, sage and porcini sausage, soft polenta fontina, enoki and tarragon…" he looked up at Tom tragically quizzical.

"Have you seen the pomme poofs." He grinned in reply. Archie looked through the menu.

"With beef cheek?" Archie pulled a face.

"I've gotta get it." Tom said chuckling, "it's got poofs in it!" Archie started to laugh at him.

"I do like a bit o' poof." Archie agreed.

"Right, so I'm getting poofs. What are you getting?" Tom asked, his eyes sparkling in the candle light.

"I think I might get…" Archie tried to find something that sounded like something he might eat "the… Sous vide lamb rump, carrot purée, olive jam, french lentils and quinoa tabouli, pomme fondant." Tom watched him say the whole thing with a huge grin on his face. "What?" Archie asked self-consciously.

"Just say the lamb when the waiter comes."

"Oh right." Archie laughed taking another gulp of the wine. "It's really sweet." He said and looked at the deep golden wine.

"It's my favourite wine." Tom said, "It's called De Bortelli, Noble One, Botrytis Semillon."

"Sounds expensive." Archie replied.

"Middle range expense. But top range quality. I import it from overseas so it costs me a bit more than it should." He shrugged and took a sip, "Wine snobs will tell you that you can't have a sticky with your main, but they're wrong."

"I like it." He looked over at the two bottles of it Tom had brought with him. The waiter came over and Tom ordered oysters for both of them as an entrée then the beef. He looked over at Archie, smiled fondly and looked up at the waiter and ordered the lamb for him. As the waiter walked away Tom looked back at Archie and sighed happily.

"Well it's official now." He said as if some big terrible news had been let out of the bag.

"Official?" Archie felt totally out of his depth tonight.

"I ordered food for you. That makes you my boyfriend." He grinned, "Can't back out of it now." He teased. Archie felt his stomach clench with joy, he lowered his eyes a huge smile on his face.

"Damnit." He joked, "Well I guess I'm stuck with you then." He looked up and Tom grazed the back of his hand down Archie's cheek gently. Archie heard some mumbling from the next table and he started to turn his face to them but Tom gently stopped him.

"Ignore them." He smiled sadly. "This night is about us." He took a sip of wine, "and our new relationship." His smile went from sad to genuinely happy as he raised his glass and Archie raised his, they clinked them and both took a sip.

"So Archie, how was your day?" Tom asked.

"S'alright." Archie thought, "got a B on me performing arts essay, which is about what I expected. What?" Archie looked at the expression on Tom's face.

"Sometimes I forget that you're still at school." He shook his head, "Am I crazy to be going out with you?"

"No." Archie answered simply. Tom nodded, wanting to be convinced. "And the rest of the day was a bit o' the same old." Archie continued determinedly. "You?"

"Well I did me personal training stuff in the morning." He sighed, "Then I went into the office."

"What is your other job?" Archie laughed and Tom shook his head.

"We know so little about each other." He sighed, "I do software engineering part time and some freelance opinion pieces for local papers."

"And the personal training." Tom nodded in response. "Well I just have a part time job at the fitness centre." Archie laughed, "It's very fulfilling. And I feel it helps me grow as a person and furthers my career." Tom laughed

"What do you want to do… you know after…" Tom paused, "school." He said that word slowly, still not sure about the age difference.

"I'm thinking something in history. Teacher maybe."

"Oh, you'd be an excellent teacher." Tom's hands moved as he talked and Archie found himself watching them sometimes. "You've got the right temperament. You're very patient. And kind." Tom finished with a supportive smile.

"I dunno about all o' that. I do know I like to bang on about history though." Archie blushed. Tom reached forward and took his hand.

"Tell me about history." He said with a smile that made Archie get butterflies in his stomach.

"Alright. Which bit."

"Your favourite bit."

When the oysters came 10 minutes later Tom was still watching Archie talk. Archie looked up at the waiter, embarrassed by how much he'd talked.

"Sorry about that." He grinned as the waiter walked away.

"No I liked hearing you talk." Tom replied and looked down at the oysters, "now have you ever had oysters?"

"No." Archie looked at them with a worried face.

"Don't worry, I'll show you what to do!" Tom laughed as he picked up his fork.

"And you have to tell me all about software engineering." Archie said earnestly,

"Yeah but I wanna hear it, whether it is or no." Archie picked up his fork, "you me boyfriend, it's me job to listen to you."

"Well then you shall have to hear all about it!" He laughed as he picked up an oyster. Archie watched him eat the oyster, using the fork to slide it into his mouth from the shell. He tried one himself and was taken aback by how strong the flavour was. Tom laughed at the expression on his face as Archie swallowed it slowly.

"Are you alright?" Tom chuckled.

"I do not know." Archie took a sip from the water that the waiter kept topped up.

"Some people say that they're an acquired taste." Tom explained.

"Well I better acquire it then." Archie tried another and pulled a face, making a disgusted sound. Tom laughed and ate his happily, loving their saltiness.

"Maybe they're not for you?" He was laughing so hard at the faces Archie was pulling that other patrons were looking over.

"How many do I have to eat?"

"Six."

"How many have I eaten?"

"Four."

"Oh fuck." Archie gulped the rest of his wine down and the waiter came immediately to top up his wine. Archie took a big sip of that too.

"Don't get too drunk, I wanna fuck tonight!" Tom laughed, the waiter flushing slightly before he left without comment.

"Alright!" Archie gasped, "Two more. I can do it!" They both laughed uproariously and Tom reached out to take Archie hand as he put another oyster to his mouth. He made a disgusted sound and swallowed it down.

"Do you want me to have the last one?" Tom asked.

"No way!" Archie laughed, "If you can do it - I can do it."

_'#1 Crush' by Garbage_

Finn sat down for lunch at the usual table feeling a little worried. He'd gone to Rae's usual classroom but no one had been in there. He knew that the class had probably gone to the labs, or outside to look at bugs or something. He knew she was probably fine, especially on school property but he worried nonetheless. He thought back to the weekend they had just shared at his place. It had been like Sutherland again, a weekend of exploration, fucking, lovemaking, but also talking this time. But perhaps his favourite moment had been when she'd asked him to teach her how to cook. He didn't know why, but he was filled with a sense of pride that she would ask him to teach her. He had quite solemnly agreed to teach her and she had giggled, thinking he was silly to take it so seriously. That's another thing he loved about her, sometimes she really had no idea what she did to him.

He felt like an entirely different person to the one that had met her for the first time all those months ago. He'd been wanting to change then, he just didn't know what in to. Now he did. He wanted to be her man. There was no one else he wanted to be. There was nothing he wouldn't do for her. The absolute depth of that truth shook him to his core. If she asked him to kill for her, he would. If she asked him to steal, to harm others, to do anything, he would.

"What does a man do that he doesn't do for her?" Finn said softly to himself, completely at peace with this understanding. "Nothing." He answered his own question; because everything was for her.

"Talking to yourself?" Archie sat down across from him.

"Aye, I'm afraid so."

"What about?" Archie started to sort through his bag looking for his lunch.

"Being in love." Finn replied and Archie looked up, instantly thinking about the conversation he'd had with Rae.

"In love?" Archie prodded.

"Aye." Finn answered with a huge happy smile.

"D'you find a new band you like?" Archie prodded again. Finn gave him a look that implied he thought Archie was an idiot.

"Rae o' course." He shook his head at Archie.

"Oh of course. So she knows how much you love her then?" Archie made no attempt at trying to be subtle. But it didn't matter because the girls were heading over.

"Has she said something to you?" Finn asked, his brow furrowed in concern and frustration.

"Nope." Archie lied, using a voice that clearly denoted that she had said something. It was his way of keeping Rae's privacy while kicking his best mate up the arse.

"I just wanna say it at the right time." Finn hissed as the girls got closer.

"Oh right?" Archie answered sceptically. Finn clearly wanted to say more but Izzy was slowly sitting down at the bench. Finn and Archie hadn't said a word about the short haircut mainly because everyone else at school had. Rae sat down next to Finn, gifting him with a loving kiss before turning to talk to Chloe as she sat down, clearly continuing a conversation. Finn smiled at the girls chatting and then gave a scowl to Archie who shrugged. He turned his eyes to scan the area. It was a habit he'd gotten into with the whole stalker problem. He was always looking to see if someone was watching.

He didn't see anyone watching, but he did see someone walking across the field.

The minute he saw that form, the rage that he had compartmentalised into a tiny little box in the centre of his guts exploded out of him. He leapt over the table, Chloe and Izzy yelping with surprise as he dove between them, food and drinks flying everywhere, and ran, full out at the person he'd seen.

Rae, stunned, looked to see what was happening and saw Liam walking across the field.

"Oh fuck!" Archie said and got up, running after him. Rae jumped up and ran too.

Finn crash tackled him and before they'd even properly hit the ground was thumping him in the face.

"Holy shit!" Chloe breathed as she saw Finn tackle Liam. She turned to Izzy.

"Go." Izzy said, and knowing she couldn't get there on time, "without me!" She added, and Chloe turned and sprinted off across the field.

Archie got there and pulled Finn off Liam, yelling that he'd get expelled. Finn struggled out of Archie's grasp and Liam scrambled to his feet, his mouth and nose bleeding. Liam thumped Archie, sending him stumbling back.

"Stay out of it!" He yelled as Archie straightened up, his hand on his mouth, his lip spilt. "You and me then." Liam said to Finn. "So you know what I did to her then." He wiped his hand across his nose. But Finn was in no mood for talking; he hooked a crushing punch into Liam's jaw, and followed it up with another hook from the other side.

"STOP!" Rae screamed as she got to them, getting in between of Liam and Finn. Finn dropped his eyes to her and backed up. "Don't do this Finn." She said urgently and his eyes focussed on her, he started to nod, he would calm down for her. But Liam put his hand on her and pushed her aside roughly.

"Not now Rae." Liam said and used her as a distraction to jab Finn square in the face. Rae fell to the ground, hurting her wrist, she cried out. Chloe finally got there and pushed Liam hard as Finn was still reeling back from the punch. Rae's cry of pain made Finn's rage go from hot to cold.

"What are you doing?" Chloe screamed at Liam. Archie grabbed Chloe and pulled her out of the way, they both stumbled to the ground.

"I'll do it." He said to her, but Finn had tackled Liam to the ground again.

"You don't touch her!" Finn's voice was almost calm as he spoke to Liam and slammed his fists into him, precisely picking he spots to cause maximum damage. Archie once again dragged Finn off Liam. Who got up slower, shaking his head slowly to clear it. Liam raised his fists, ready to keep fighting. Rae scrambled up and went to try to stop Finn again, but Liam had let lose a crunching blow that connected with the back of her head, knocking her down to the ground. Finn watched her fall and instantly fell to his knees beside her. Liam looked down stunned.

"I didn't…" he said softly, "I didn't mean to hit her." Chloe crawled over to Rae, crying frantically, and stroked the hair out of her face as Finn gently lifted her upper body into his arms. Archie looked down at Rae and then up at Liam.

"Get out of here." Archie ordered him.

"Is she alright?" Liam asked, terrified of what he'd done. He stepped forward, but Archie stepped up to him.

"Get the fuck away from us." Liam wrapped his arms around his waist, his body aching from the beating he'd had, his face broken and bleeding.

"I just wanna know if she's ok?"

"You don't come near her again." Archie continued while behind him Finn and Chloe were frantically saying Rae's name.

"Get help." Finn said to Chloe. Chloe jumped up and sprinted back to the school buildings. She saw that Izzy had already started back to the buildings for that very purpose, having seen it all play out.

Liam looked over Archie's shoulder to Finn, cradling an unconscious Rae.

"Finn." Liam said, "You know what it's like to be in love, like me. Is she alright?" Archie kept himself between Finn and Liam. Finn's face was unreadable as he looked up, but refused to look at Liam. When Archie looked over his shoulder at his best friend, he knew that the over-riding emotion he felt was pure loathing.

"No I don't know what it's like to love like you do." Finn said as if any words spoken to Liam tasted like poison in his mouth. "Cos I would never do what you've done to someone you claim to love." Finn looked back down at Rae.

"Just tell me she's ok?"

"Get out of here!" Archie yelled, "You don't love Rae, you're just obsessed with her."

"Fuck." Liam said as he tried to look at her, tears in his eyes. Archie pushed him. "Fuck off!"

"I'm sorry Rae." He said looking at her unconscious form, before he turned and walked away. Archie kept his eyes on him.

"Let me tell the story when the teachers get here." Archie said to Finn, who barely heard him.

"Rae girl. I'm so sorry. I'm sorry baby." He whispered to her. "You gotta open your eyes now. Come on Rae, I love you, you gotta be alright." He stroked her hair and kissed her forehead, "Come on Rae. I'm sorry I used me fists again. Please." He pleaded.

Archie watched Liam pass through the gate and get into his car, screeching the tyres as he pulled away. He turned to Finn and knelt, checking Rae's pulse.

"Heart's still beating mate." Archie said and he saw some teachers, Elsa at the front with Mr Ken Roach, who knew first aid heading out across the field at a run. He knew that an ambulance would have already been called and he looked back down at Rae and saw tears on Finn's cheeks. He rarely saw Finn cry.

"Please Rae." He said softly to her and her eyes opened slowly. He breathed out slowly, a soft sound of relief scratching at his vocal chords as he saw her trying to focus. She tried to move and felt nauseous. Her hands shot to her stomach as she felt like she might vomit.

"What happened?" She asked as Elsa slammed to her knees beside them. Mr Roach slowly knelt beside her and looked at Rae, her pupils were huge and she clearly couldn't focus properly.

"How hard was the knock to the head?" He asked with authority as Elsa took Rae's hand and felt her pulse.

"Slow and steady." She said and Ken nodded.

"Some guy grabbed her." Archie lied, his voice shaking, as if from fear, "Finn fought him off and the guy hit her in the back of the head." Finn looked up at Archie as Chloe skidded up to them, panting hard, Izzy beside her nearly choking with the effort of running.

"Is she alright?" Izzy gasped.

"I'm fine." She tried to sit up again and nausea swept through her again and she fell back into Finn's arms, he tightened his grip on her protectively.

"Close your eyes." Ken ordered, and Rae did. He counted to 20 then asked her to open them. He saw satisfactory pupil movement, and Finn noticed that her eyes were starting to focus better. She looked up at him.

"My head hurts." She said bewildered.

"You got punched." He said softly to her, "I wouldn't want to get punched the way you got punched." He added. Archie saw paramedics heading over the field, Mrs Vines leading them to the scene. As soon as they got there everyone but Finn cleared the way and they checked her pupil response and asked some questions.

"We'll need to report this to the police." Elsa said to Archie as they waited for the verdict from the paramedics.

"Can it wait?" He motioned to Rae.

"Of course." Elsa turned to look at her.

"What happened?" One of the paramedics asked her.

"I don't remember." She sounded bewildered.

"What's the last thing you remember?" He continued.

"I…" She thought, "I sat down at the bench and kissed Finn." She said, "Then me and Chloe was talking."

"That was maybe 5 minutes before she were hit." Finn answered.

"That's relatively common. Can you stand?" He asked her.

"Aye." She said softly and Archie's ears pricked up. He took a deep breath to calm his nerves.

Rae stood up slowly, with Finn's help and swayed slightly.

"I think I'm ok now." She said softly but the paramedic smiled and gently led her towards the ambulance.

"We might just do some scans." He said to her and Finn protectively helped her walk.

It was several hours later that a frantic Linda put her daughter into her bed, allowing Finn to stay beside her, and brought her ice cream when she asked, even doing a bowl for Finn, even though he had asked for nothing. He had spent the entire time quietly berating himself and doing whatever Rae asked without question. This wouldn't have happened if he hadn't gone after Liam.

She still couldn't remember what had happened, but she seemed alright overall and she was allowed to go home with some dire warnings that symptoms could take days or even months to appear and she must report to them if she had any of a long list of symptoms.

She nestled into his arms and he stroked her hair.

"I'm so sorry girl." He was so ashamed.

"I don't know what happened Finn." She said sounding exhausted, "I don't know what you're apologising for. And I don't wanna know." She added, "Cos I already know that you're being too hard on yourself. You always are." Finn stayed silent, knowing that over the weeks Rae would pick the story up from the gang, and if she wanted to talk to him about it, she would. And if she didn't then they'd never talk about it.

Whatever she needed.

_'Just A Man' by Faith No More_

Finn jumped up from the breakfast table, Aiesha in his arms and went to answer the knock on at the door. It was Tuesday, the day after the fight with Liam, and he had skipped boxing that morning to hold Rae in the morning as she groaned about feeling sick. Rae had decided she would go to school and Finn had gently tried to persuade her to rest for the day. She had seemed fine after a shower and they had trudged downstairs for breakfast cooked by Karim, Linda was breastfeeding when they sat down. Finn barely batted an eye anymore when he saw Aiesha being fed. He'd seen it so many times now that he just didn't register breasts that were breastfeeding as 'breasts' anymore. Linda had passed Aiesha to Finn as soon as she had finished and he had sat her up, gently rubbing her back and wiping her mouth as everyone talked and busied themselves.

Now he held her in one arm as he opened the door to see Archie at the door. Archie took a moment to look at Finn holding the baby.

"You alright?" He asked with a frown.

"Aye." Finn bounced Aiesha gently and she cooed at him happily, he made some gurgling noises at her and Archie watched on with a disbelieving face. Rae came out to see who it was.

"Hey Arch!"

" 'Morning Rae." He replied. She saw the split lip Archie sported and looked back to the bruising on Finn's cheek.

"Still don't remember?" Archie noticed the look on her face.

"No, and I don't wanna know!" She threw up her hands, "so don't go telling me!"

"I actually have to talk to Finn for a moment?" Rae shrugged and took Aiesha from him. Finn waited for her to go back to the kitchen before he stepped out.

"What is it?"

"Yester when that pillock drove away screeching, it made me think o' something I forgot to tell you about the day Rae got the dead bird." Archie saw the interest in Finn's eyes and continue, "The bird was thrown at the door right, and then someone screeched away in their car." Finn walked out onto the road instantly, Archie in tow. He didn't know what he was looking for but he scanned the road as he walked away from Rae house, heading the way Archie motioned.

"I think he went round this corner."

"I run this way every morning that I leave her place to go to the boxing joint." Finn bit the inside of his mouth.

"You come back this way?"

"No I come back the long way." Finn pointed down to the road approaching Rae's house from the other side, "Rhys said it good for stamina." He shrugged as they turned back towards Rae's house, Finn looking at his feet.

"D'you think it's Liam?"

"I don't know Arch." Finn said looking up and suddenly seeing that from this position, he could just see into Rae's bedroom window. "Fuck." He breathed and move closer to Archie where the view was better. Archie looked up and averted his gaze; Rae was getting changed.

"Jesus, with binoculars you'd be able to see every hair on her head." Archie realised.

"I tell her to close that fucking curtain." Finn shook his head, "But she think cos she on the second storey no one will see." Archie took a step to the side and looked back up at the window and Finn, realising what he was doing, copied; checking to see where you could actually see into her window from.

"It's really only this one spot." Finn said eventually and looked along the street. "The one fucking bit o' hill on the whole fucking street." He ran his tongue along his back teeth and shook his head.

"I don't know why she thinks she can't be seen." Archie said, "If you can see it from your window, then someone can see you from that spot!" Archie sounded as exasperated as Finn felt.

"You check these two houses," Finn pointed at the two houses they stood outside of, "and I'll check these two," he pointed at the next two along "see if they've seen any cars hanging about." Archie nodded and headed towards the door. Finn knocked on his first door and no one answered. He moved along to the next door and an elderly woman opened the door and looked at him ponderously.

"Hi, my name's Finn Nelson, I date Rae, across the road."

"I know who you are." She said as a young man, probably Finn's age came out.

"Who is it gran?"

"Just a neighbour, James, I'm fine." He gave Finn a strange look and left the room. "I'm Mrs Dewhurst." She offered him a hand and he shook it gently.

"I were just wondering if you've seen any cars parked around the street a lot lately?"

"There's always cars parked around here." She looked imperiously at him.

"Any more than others?" He asked.

"Do you love Rae?" She asked sternly. Finn was surprised.

"Yes." He answered with a bemused look on his face. She sniffed and took a deep breath.

"Alright." She said and poked her head out of her door, she pointed to the spot Finn and Archie had identified as prime Rae viewing territory. "There's often a car parked there. Can't tell you much about the car, I don't like cars very much." She narrowed her eyes at him. "Do you want me to keep a closer eye on it?"

"If you wouldn't mind?" Finn asked hopefully and then noticed a framed picture of Rae on the mantelpiece. He furrowed his brows, bewildered to see it there.

"I'll leave a note with Linda if I see anything of interest young man."

"Thank you." Finn left Mrs Dewhurst's place shaking his head, confused. But the incongruity of seeing a picture of Rae in her house was quickly lost because he knew that the stalker was probably still watching Rae.

"A car parks out there a lot." Archie reported, "not very observant people though."

"Same." Finn nodded at Mrs Dewhurst's place.

"No description of a particular car. But they did say they hadn't seen it recently. He still may have given up." Archie said hopefully.

"I don't care. The first thing I'm gonna do is close those fucking curtains." They got to Rae's door and Archie stopped, ready to leave, but instead he looked at his best friend with an appraising eye.

"You told Rae you loved her when she were out cold."

"I know."

"That don't count."

"I know."

"If you love her so much, why won't you tell her?"

"I wanna do it right." Finn said insistently. "I don't wanna do it after we've argued, or had a big discussion. I wanna do it when everything is perfect and she knows that I'm saying it cos she the love of my life, not cos she's upset and I'm trying to cheer her up or something." Archie resisted the urge to tell him he'd be waiting a long time if he waited until everything was perfect.

"Love of your life… that's big." He narrowed his eyes slightly.

"Aye, but it's true. I'll love her for the rest of me life."

"How can you know that?" Archie regretted those words before he'd even seen the annoyed look they elicited from Finn.

"You know, I've had this talk with way too many people." He shook his head, "So I been thinking about it a lot." Finn leaned against the door and pulled out a cigarette. "You saw that little baby girl in there right?" Finn asked and lit his cigarette. Archie nodded and leaned against the wall. "Everyone in that house loves that little girl. Linda, Karim, Rae, even me." Finn sucked on his cigarette and tried to impress upon Archie how important what he was saying was, "If all of us said we'd love Aiesha till the day she died, no one would question it. It's expected even. But we don't know anything about Aiesha. She spends all day drooling and shitting and not much else. But we all love her. Always will."

"But you're talking about family love there."

"Aye but Rae is me family." Finn countered. "And if I talked about loving this woman that I know inside out but who still surprises me, for the rest of me life, people suddenly question that."

"I think it's your age."

"Oh aye," he said unimpressed, "I seen a wee little 5 year old boy with a teddy bear at the chemist the other, and he was clinging to that bear and I realised that he loved it with all his tiny little being."

"A teddy bear?" Archie said sceptically.

"Aye. You can't tell me it's not love just cos it's not the love you're thinking of." Finn answered, "that child loved more purely and more deeply than most o' the rest o' us do." Finn gesticulated as he spoke, emphasising the words. Archie rarely saw him this animated, and realised he really still had a point to make. "And I realised Arch, looking at this wee littlie, that we all already do love. We all know how to do it – we're born knowing!" Finn willed Archie to understand, "We learn how to not do it as we get older. How to not trust it. To not believe in it." He shook his head, "the idea that you have to be certain age to know what love is, is stupid." He said with a slightly disgusted look at the concept, "I know what love is, we all already know what it is. The difference is, not many of us realise that you gotta work at it, you gotta fight for it. You gotta build a house." He said softly, "that's why people think there's an age limit on love. But they're wrong. You can love at any age. We do love at all ages. But," he smiled cynically, "most people also think you can only work hard at something when you're older. And that's not true either. Cos you can't tell me Arch, that I haven't worked for this. For her."

"Are you…?" Archie licked his lips as the realisation came to him, "You're scared of how you feel about Rae aren't you?" Finn looked at Archie, surprised.

"I dunno." He said softly. "But…" He fought for the right words, "Sometimes it like looking at the sun."

"Dangerous?"

"So bright, it's painful." Finn corrected. "And yeah, I guess dangerous. Like I can't touch it proper." He shrugged as if he had nothing more to say, but Archie had learned from watching Rae that staying silent often produced more words from Finn. "It's like, I'm so close Arch." He said, his eyes not focussed on what was here and now. "And I'm terrified I'll lose it all." He turned his eyes to Archie, "Cos how could I ever got back to a normal life after I've felt this?" He shook his head, "Even if it is too bright for me to handle." He laughed nervously and looked down. "I'll embrace it, even if it burns me all up to nothing."

"That sounds like love alright." Archie smiled sadly, "the kind of love we all dream o' having."

"I love that woman with everything that's in me, Archer. And I will love her for the rest o' me days." Finn sounded more resolute than Archie had ever heard him sound,

"You're right." Archie said, "I'm sorry I questioned it." He smiled supportively. "I said it afore and I'll say it again: you speak a lot more than you used to."

"Sorry 'bout that." Finn scrunched up his face.

"I like it." Archie shrugged. "She's been good for you."

"Oh aye." Finn agreed gravely, "very much so."

"Do I get to be best man one day?" Archie asked suddenly.

"Not sure if she's the marrying type!" Finn laughed.

"I dunno!" Archie said in a voice that implied he thought Finn was wrong.

"Alright, if it turns out that she is, then yeah, that would be…" He nodded, his words failing him and Archie smiled understanding perfectly.

"You're till shite at telling people how you feel but." Archie noted with a laugh and Finn gave him an unimpressed look before he chuckled, acknowledging that Archie was right. Obviously.

"By the way, Tom and me are dating now."

"That's good news!" Finn clapped him on the back and Archie winced, Finn felt some worry, but stopped himself when he thought about the sex he'd had with Rae recently.

"Don't do it so rough that I can't barge you in football!" Finn joked with a genuine smile and Archie recognised that.

"I'll try." He felt that peace was restored between them; this issue Finn was having with Tom was over now.

"And maybe you can bring him to meet the gang?"

"I suppose, in a couple o' weeks, probably." Archie grinned happily and then lowered his eyes, worried, "go take care of Rae. It's creepy that you can see her from the road."

"Aye." He said with concern, "thanks for telling me about the car." Archie said goodbye and left. Finn went inside, heading straight for the stairs; he had a curtain to close and a long, and no doubt argumentative, conversation to have with Rae.

_'Wild Horses' by The Rolling Stones_

Izzy opened the door and smiled happily to see Chloe and Rae standing at the door.

"When you didn't show up to school we figured we should come visit in our free." Chloe grinned as they sat down it he lounge room.

"Got you a present." Rae grinned as she presented a lovely gift hamper to Izzy.

"Guys!" She grinned and started to open it. She stopped, her jaw dropping.

"Is this…" She picked up the vibrator and looked at them.

"It's the same sex hamper that we got for Rae." Chloe said. She turned to Rae, "Well really I picked it, Izzy gave me money for it without seeing it, so this is quite a surprise for her." She grinned and looked back at Izzy as she pulled out some glow in the dark condoms.

"Oh my!" She laughed, "Use these tonight!" Rae laughed and tried not to notice how thin Izzy looked.

"I decided that we can't wait for the boys to figure their shit out. If you're gonna have an orgasm Izzy, you gotta do it yourself." Rae said seriously.

"What?" Izzy asked with a surprised grin.

"So we got you these." Chloe pulled out a few books about sex and handed them to Izzy. "There's a good bit in there about masturbating." She looked at Izzy expectantly.

"Well I'm not gonna do it right now!" She laughed and blushed.

"Well o' course not!" Rae giggled, "But you know, when we head back to school…"

Izzy opened one of the books to see a large picture of a vagina.

"Pretty vagina." Rae said and Chloe and Izzy turned their eyes to her.

"Sorry. Janice… who you guys don't know…" Rae sighed, "Don't worry." She shook her head, but they kept looking at her. "Janice is an artist." Rae said factually.

"Oh well that explains it." Chloe snarked sarcastically.

"Anyway, the vibrator's right good on your lady bits." Rae handed her the batteries they'd gotten.

"I dunno guys." Izzy said, "I kinda want me first orgasm to be with Chop." Chloe and Rae exchanged glances.

"We was afraid of this." Chloe said and looked back at Izzy, "So I'm going to tell you, that out of the… five…" Chloe edited the number down, "lovers I have had. Only one of them made me cum." She turned to Rae.

"I've only had two." Rae said, "One of 'em didn't make me cum."

"And the other one's Finn!" Izzy laughed.

"Aye!" Rae said happily.

"How good is he though?" Izzy asked sceptically, "really?"

"Last night when we shagged, I came 4 times." Both girls turned their eyes to Rae with disbelief.

"Four times!" Izzy exclaimed, "That hardly seems fair, give one to me!"

"That's not even his best effort!" Rae laughed at their tragic faces. But she stopped herself from revelling too much, today was not about her. "But Finn has really gone out of his way to try and make sex really good for me. Like he tries real hard… plus he's got that sorta curve in his cock I told you 'bout… just… does things…"

"Chops cock is straight." Izzy said with a slight frown.

"Well whether Choppy Chop's cocky cock is straight or curved don't matter." Rae said, "If he's not getting it done, you have to get it done yourself."

"But it's such a pretty cock." She protested and Chloe laughed. Rae blinked at her.

"Ok." She said slowly, "but he's obviously doing something wrong." Rae waved her hand near her groin, "despite the prettiness of the general area."

'I wish Finn would just tell him what to do." Izzy said softly.

"I tried that. Finn says boys don't talk like that."

"You told Finn?" She asked, horrified.

"Well you just said-"

"Yeah but I weren't serious!" She put her hand over her mouth, "oh no, poor Chop!"

"I wouldn't worry; Finn's not treating him different."

"How d'you know that?"

"Well I told him in Sutherland." Rae said, "Asked him to talk to Chop, subtle like. Nothing's changed right?" Izzy considered this for a moment and then let out a relieved breath.

"Alright." She said with a small grin, "thanks for trying."

"What's he doing wrong?" Chloe turned to Izzy and Izzy shrugged.

"I dunno." She said, "he touches me and stuff, and it feels nice, but… I wish he'd take longer doing it."

"Right." Chloe encouraged her.

"And he almost always goes down." She said, "I wouldn't let him at first, I were shy." She blushed very slightly, "but he really wanted to so…" She shrugged slowly, "I really, really like it… but… I want him to stay down there longer."

"So tell him." Rae said honestly.

"I can't say that to him." Izzy was so embarrassed by the thought.

"Don't say it, just grab his hair and shove his head back down there." Rae shrugged as Chloe laughed, "I'd do it to Finn if he didn't finish the job!"

"Oh god!" Izzy chortled.

"I'm guessing he don't last long enough once he finally whacks it in you." Chloe asked.

"I don't know how long, long enough is?" Izzy shrugged.

"Long enough for you to cum." Chloe answered.

"I read a book that said not all women can come from penetration." Rae countered.

"Really?" Chloe asked, "That surprises me."

"Me too!" Rae laughed.

"Were it a book written by men aimed at men, so they didn't feel so bad about how much they fail?" Chloe snarked and the girls all laughed.

"Oh I shouldn't laugh." Izzy said and then she coughed. Chloe and Rae knew that Chop had finally convinced Izzy to be admitted to hospital, she was going in tonight. He'd told them this morning. They listened as Izzy got her coughing under control, it sounded like she had a pretty bad chest cold. She took a deep sip of water before turning to them with a big smile.

"Anyway." Chloe said faintly, looking to Rae for help.

"Masturbate." Rae added.

"Yes." Chloe continued, "lotsa girls do. And if we waited for men to get it right, we'd be waiting around forever!" Izzy nodded slowly, considering this and then turned to Rae.

"Tell Finn to try." Izzy suddenly said. "I want my first orgasm to be with my fiancé." She said determinedly, "And I don't have forever to sit and wait around for it!" Chloe and Rae stared at Izzy for a minute.

"Do you really think that's a good idea?" Chloe asked, "I can't imagine Chop taking it well."

"I dunno. But it's worth a try." She responded.

"Alright." Rae said slowly, "I'll tell him to slip it in to the boy talk somehow." Izzy nodded and an alarm went off in the bedroom.

"I gotta go to chemo in half an hour." She looked down miserably, "Chop'll be home from work to take me, soon."

"Is there anything you need?" Chloe asked.

"No." Izzy said and looked back at her hamper, "Massage oil." She grinned.

"I'll talk to Finn, but promise me, that you'll try that vibrator eventually!"

"I will Rae, don't worry. I'm not gonna die without having an orgasm." She said with a grin that gently fell.

"Well then you got plenty o' time." Rae said with a firm voice, hiding the fear she felt. "I were thinking you needed to lose your O-plates before Easter holiday."

"Or at the latest during Easter holiday." Chloe added also hiding her emotions.

"Ok!" Izzy grinned. "If I haven't lost me O-plates by the end of Easter break, I'll use the vibrator."

_They're so brave and strong my friends. _

_I can see in their eyes that they notice how frail I'm getting. _

_Whatever Chop said to them worked; they give me moments of joy in the never-ending monotony of illness and tests and wasting away. _

_He'll bring me food again._

_I hate not eating it, cos I know how much he worries. _

_It's not like I do it deliberately. _

_I wish I could eat some of the delicious stuff he brings. _

_I'm getting really worried about me ring, cos me finger is smaller now, and it slide on and off too easy now. _

Chop walked in the door to see Izzy sewing Rae's dress again. She desperately wanted to get it done.

He kissed her and handed her a custard filled profiterole in a paper bag.

"Fridge?" He asked after she'd looked at it and she nodded smiling. He put it in the fridge and took the food he bought her yesterday out, dumping it in the bin.

She came into the kitchen and he took her hand.

"Off we go then." He said with a brave smile.

"Tell me everything that happened to you today on the way?" She asked.

"Alright."

_I hate seeing her like this. Hooked up to that machine while they slowly pump that poison right into her veins. _

_I know it's saving her. But it's also killing her._

_That is some fucked up shit right there._

His eyes strayed to her short, thinning hair before they slowly travelled down her slowly shrinking frame.

He noticed the bags under her sunken eyes, the way her fingers were painfully thin, the fact that she didn't even notice when her gums bled anymore, like they were now.

He watched that lifesaving reddish-orange liquid that he reviled travel down the tubes, from the drip, into her vein. He wasn't allowed to sit and hold her hand, so he sat on the other side of the room, keeping eye contact with her.

"Chop." She said softly, swallowing hard; nausea was getting the better of her, "can you just speak." She liked to hear his voice when she felt sick. And she felt sick a lot lately. He nodded and tried to think of something to talk about.

"You're beautiful." He said to her and her eyes told him that she didn't believe him. "Right now." He insisted, "With all that shit going in you veins, and your hair gone and your bones all sticking out. You're beautiful."

"Chop." She tutted.

"I can tell you don't believe me." He shrugged, "I don't know what it is." He shook his head, "Something inside you… it's stunning." He smiled wanly, "D'you know what it is? It's the fact that if it were me, I'd be balled up on the floor wanting to die. But you…" he smiled in admiration, "look at you, fighting the whole way. Determined to… do your schoolwork, and be with me and… have your mates over." He tried to find what he was trying to say, "And mostly, it's how you stand toe to toe with this fucking thing… And you don't flinch." He felt tears in his eyes when he saw one slowly creep down her cheek, he wanted to go to her, but he knew he couldn't. "How d'you do it?" He looked at her in deep admiration, "you're the bravest person I know." He nodded, "So yeah, you're beautiful, right now, exactly as y'are. Cos you're brave. And you're still my Izzy. And you're so, so beautiful."

Chop dropped the keys on the hook she'd nailed into the wall near the front door.

The still quietness of his flat struck him as he turned a light on. The nurses had kicked him out. He looked over at the time on the microwave.

2 am.

He'd stayed, holding her hand as she slept. And he'd cried to see her lying there, looking like a corpse.

He sat down heavily on the longue and looked up at Rae's dress on the mannequin. Izzy's shoes in the corner, her huge sewing box overflowing with material and thread next to the mannequin.

The image of her lying so still on the hospital bed, barely breathing wouldn't leave his mind.

He went into the bedroom, he could smell her in here. She had commandeered a set of drawers for herself and he ran his fingers along the top of them, as if by touching her drawers he could somehow touch her. He saw her pony tail of red hair, sitting on top of the drawers and felt as if something were pressing upon his chest. He gasped and stood there, looking at her butchered hair; cut off with ordinary scissors on a school hallway. He picked it up and sat down on the bed, putting the hair to his face, he could smell her shampoo.

He stroked the hair gently and put it back on the drawers, and laid down on the bed, pulling her pillow to him. Wishing desperately that she were beside him. Wishing he could hold her.

He felt so alone and desperate.

But mostly he felt hopeless and powerless.

_'Coma' by Max Sharam_

_Patience._

_Most men lack patience._

_But not me. _

_I know that good things are worth waiting for._

_And she's a good thing. _

_And I've waited for a long time._

_But it's starting to pay off. _

_Things are slowly changing._

_The odds are in my favour now._

_The patience, the waiting._

_Soon._

_Soon my love. _

_I'll be with you soon._

_The days are dark now. _

_Every single thing she has ever said to me screams in my ears day and night._

_The stars don't come out at night anymore._

_The sun is not golden, it's the piss yellow at the bottom of a urinal._

_Grass is not green, it's the colour of the vomit coming out of the mouths of drunks._

_The only real colours are grey and brown._

_The world is grey._

_Her eyes are brown._

_There's a pain in my body._

_Why does my body ache so much?_

_Every expression her face has given me sits in the pit of my belly._

_I ache for her._

_I ache for you._

_My love I ache for you._

_Why do I feel this way?_

_She's nothing!_

_She's a fucking whore!_

_She's not pure._

_She's not good. _

_I never wanted to love her!_

_Why won't this feeling just fuck off?_

_She were supposed to just be a bit of fun!_

_A nothing._

_Just a laugh._

_Why is she more?_

_WHY?_

_Why'd she have to be with Finn?_

_I don't understand what's so good about him._

_What is he?_

_He's not a man._

_If my mates called her Raemundo I'd flog them._

_Raemundo isn't a very sexy name. _

_It doesn't suit her._

_For a guy who does the sorts of things he does to her, you'd think he'd be more interested in protecting her honour._

_But he's more interested in getting his dick in her than protecting her._

_He don't know her._

_It's a stupid idea that he could ever love her like me._

_Anything he feels could only ever be a tiny little speck of dust in comparison to my love. _

_He is insignificant and beneath her._

_I understand why Chloe is her best friend now._

_I thought they was opposite._

_But they're more alike than I realised at first._

_Like two opposite faces of the same coin. _

_Their cores are made of the same stuff._

_The same self-loathing. _

_Malleable._

_You just gotta know how to push and bend them the right way._

_I misread you Rae._

_I didn't realise how much you'd make me work._

_I thought you'd be easier. _

_How many days has it been now?_

_Just listen to the clock ticking. _

_Wait._

_Wait._

_Patience._

_Good things come to those who wait._

_Good things come to those that wait._

_Good things come to those who wait._

_Good things belong to me._

_Just one more day._

_Another night._

_Don't go there. _

_Don't watch her._

_Don't give her gifts._

_Just wait._

_The longer you wait the more of a fuck up he'll make._

_The longer you wait the longer he'll leave her alone._

_The longer you wait the sooner you'll get to her. _

_And she'll finally be yours._

_Mine._

_'Bull In The Heather' by Sonic Youth_

Rae's eyes scanned the papers. She ignored the noise levels in the room. Friday afternoons were always hard for focussing, but she enjoyed performing arts so it was easy for her.

"You've captured the theatre of cruelty perfectly Phillip." She marvelled and saw the smile on his face, "you're a genius."

"We'll have to edit Izzy's part out though." Stacey said as she looked down at the outline.

Finn sat with a scowl on his face.

They'd begun the lesson with a theatre game. Phillip had made Rae laugh while Finn had declined to play. Then the announcements that Rae and Phillip's duologue was chosen to go through to the regional sixth form performing arts competition. Josh and Candace were also chosen and they were still deciding the third place; it was going to be Izzy and Sam, but that was not a possibility now.

So Phillip and Rae were heading out in a few months time to spend a few nights away together at this competition.

"No we can just absorb her characteristics into Archie's role and instead of twins have a person with multiple personalities.

"Genius." Rae grinned at him and skipped through to the ending ideas.

"Good idea." Archie agreed.

"And devilishly good looking too." Phillip said.

"Can't forget that!" Rae laughed.

Finn sucked his teeth moodily.

Stacey looked sideways at Finn and Finn noticed the look she was giving him. He gave her a dirty look and looked up at the ceiling sighing loudly.

"I used your idea for the ending." Phillip leaned in towards her and pointed to midway down the page. "It's just so brilliant I couldn't not use it!" Finn scowled at him and watched as Rae leaned in to see where he was pointing.

"Did you use Izzy's lighting?" Chloe asked.

"Yep, page 5." He turned his eyes back to Rae, "no we just need our top genius to pick through this and make it something worthwhile." She smiled winningly at him and looked down at the notes making notes here and there, while everyone else debated various parts of the script.

Finn didn't read it. He just watched Phillip flirt with his girl, and she was lapping it up. He started to pick at his back teeth with his tongue, glaring at Phillip. He barely notice all the changes being made to the script as it was finalised, didn't notice everyone organising to meet at lunch to do rehearsals for it.

He just saw Rae, sitting between Phillip and Chloe, beaming, glowing. Beautiful as always. But it wasn't him making her smile like that.

When it was time to go he jumped up and grabbed her bag as usual and she smiled at him, but he didn't smile back, she'd already turned to Phillip, organising a writing date for the other play. \

He waited for her as everyone else cleared out and Phillip and her organised a few writing dates.

"You can go if you're gonna be late." She said suddenly to him and he shook his head.

'I'm fine." He said numbly.

He watched them chat for a while longer and then Phillip turned to leave, giving Finn a wink before he left. Rae was still looking at the notes grinning when she turned to Finn.

"What's wrong?" She asked when she saw his unimpressed face.

"You do nothing to discourage him." Finn said, not bothering to hide what was irritating him.

"No." Rae agreed, "I treat him the same way I treat Archie or Chop." She replied, frustrated that this was still an issue.

"Yeah but-"

"I know!" She snapped, "I've heard it before: Chop and Archie don't wanna fuck me so it's different." She sighed, "I'm tired of this argument, if you can't trust me Finn, why are you with me?" He had been leaning forward towards her, but now he leaned back and took her in.

"You would rather upset me than him." He felt like he had uncovered some great secret.

"No, I'd rather that you trust me. I'd rather that I can treat everyone the same and you not be a jealous little boy!"

"Right." Finn said slowly, "so… so you're arguing with me, your boyfriend, over someone who's just a mate?"

"You started it!" She said, clearly exasperated by him, "being moody and scowling at us. We're just doing our schoolwork." She watched Finn narrow his eyes in thought, "why do you have to keep thinking that he wants to fuck me. He don't."

Finn looked down at the ground for a moment. He had told Rae about some of the conversations he'd had with Phillip. She believed Phillip was trying to rile him up because of how moody and protective he was. Finn was beginning to believe that she was deliberately playing dumb on the topic because she liked Phillip's company. She didn't want to believe that Phillip liked her because she wanted to be able to keep hanging out with him. But Finn knew there was no point saying any of that to her. She was stubborn, and she'd have to see it in her own time.

"I was gonna say that you complimented Phillip on the way he looks more in this class than you have me for the entirety of our relationship." Rae opened her mouth to protest and then stopped as she realised he was right. "I can count the number of times you've told me I'm good looking on one hand." He said softly. "But today, you told Phil seven times… that he were attractive in some way." Finn moved closer to her, making eye contact with her, "so tell me that I got nothing to worry about Rae."

"You said that you knew that I thought you was fit." She said in a small voice. Finn lowered his eyes.

"I guess I need more reassurance than I thought I'd need." She saw the rawness on his face, realised that she had been letting him down, knew that she had pushed too hard with Phillip.

"I'm sorry." She answered. He shrugged. "I think you're the fittest lad I've ever seen." She tried to add and he shook his head angrily.

"No Rae, it don't mean anything if you do it when I've asked you to." He handed her, her bag and started to walk out of the room sadly.

"So you don't believe me?" She asked. He stopped. He didn't turn around. He thought bout how he truly felt. He felt like he needed a few minutes away from this. And he felt very shaken and unsure of himself. Seeing her compliment Phil so much had upset him.

"Not really." He kept his back to her.

"So you're saying I'm lying to you?" He turned to her.

"I don't know!" He snapped. "I just know that I feel very… unsure."

"Of us?" She asked horrified. "Or of me?" She felt tears prick her eyes. He shook his head, "what do you mean Finn?"

"I don't know what I mean. I just need…" He needed a moment alone before he fucked up again.

"What do you need?" She asked as a tear escaped her eye, "D'you need to be able to believe in your girlfriend? To not think that she's a liar?"

"Rae…" His mood shifted when he saw her crying; his feelings could wait. "No, that's not-" he reached out for her but she pulled back.

"No!" She snapped, "You don't get to pretend that you didn't just call me a liar."

"How'd you feel when I weren't telling you that you was beautiful?" He asked pointedly, "How long did it take you to believe me?" He tried to step closer, "do you even believe me now."

"That's different!" She said, "I'm ugly and you're the most painfully beautiful person I've ever seen." Her throat closed up when she saw the look on his face, "I…" she couldn't find the words so she stared at him stupidly. Suddenly an idea came to her. She opened her bag and sorted through it and pulled out her diary. She shoved it in his hands roughly.

"What's this?" He asked looking at it.

"It's my diary. It starts just after we started dating. I can give you the one before that too. That goes back to when I first met you." She straightened up defiantly, "so that you can read every single thought I've ever had about you."

"Rae I can't read your-"

"Read it!" She barked angrily. He stepped back, having never seen her this angry. "No secrets." She whispered.

"Rae…"

"No." She shook her head. "I don't want to talk to you when you think I'm a liar." Her face screwed up with emotion. "So you read that tonight. And tomorrow morning you can meet me at my door. And apologise." She started to walk away.

"Rae?" He called after her.

"No!"

"Your stalker!"

"NO!" She left the hall and finned groaned loudly in deep frustration with himself. He looked at the wall knowing that giving it a good punch would make him feel better but he took a deep breath and decided to ditch PE and go home.

He looked down at her diary and shook his head. He shoved it in his bag having no intention of reading her private thoughts.

_'Pictures of You' by The Cure_

Finn sat on his bed and tried not to pick up the phone; she wouldn't be home yet.

He worried about the stalker of course, but he felt confident that Archie wold drive her home, and she'd be safe in her own home. He laid down on the bed making an annoyed noise.

But the bed felt too big without her in it. He sat up again and looked down at his bag. He'd promised her that he'd do his homework. He picked up his bag and pulled out his science textbook, he could bang out a few of the questions easy enough. He saw her diary and paused.

_You can't read it._

_But she wants you to._

He ran a finger along it. He could see that she had used up most of the book already and would need a new one soon. He pulled it out and looked at it feeling deeply conflicted.

_I'll just look at the first few pages._

He opened the diary. And the first thing he saw was a crumpled up and then flattened out page that had a picture of himself glued onto it. He felt a chuckle in his throat as he looked at all the little love hearts.

"I want to nibble his biceps?" He chortled. And at the bottom of the page he saw the words 'Chloe does not deserve him.' He saw that the page had been torn out, probably from her previous diary. He read the comments, a stupid grin coming over his face

_I want him to run his hands all over my body_

_Tongue: I want to suck like a lollipop. _

He found himself laughing delightedly as he looked at this one page. He flicked through the other pages and saw that there was no way he could read it all tonight, so he decide to pick random entries and read them. The first one had just been about Aiesha crying all night so he skipped it and tried another one, searching out his name.

_Dear Diary_

_I didn't sleep last night. I haven't slept yet. And I'm fairly certain that after he cooks breakfast, Finn's gonna go down again. _

_It's brilliant. He's eaten my cunt so much over the last 10 hours that he could probably paint it from memory. His jaw must be fucking broken. Poor lad. _

_I'll only make him go down a few times today…_

He laughed and skimmed the next few lines

_Oh it were heaven Diary. After I came he rolled me onto to my back and had at me again. _

_Then we got in the spa bath, and he couldn't stop touching me and kissing me. He acts like I'm Cindy Crawford or something; the way he looks at me. _

_If I think about it too hard, I keep thinking it mustn't be real. _

He paused, re-reading the last line. He flipped forward a few pages

_Dear Diary_

_6 days. _

_6 days. _

_We broke up on the 23rd of December 1996._

Finn stopped. This was when they broken up. He ran his fingers over the dates she'd listed.

_Time seems to move so slow and so fast. _

_It feels like it's still the 23rd. And that time has frozen on that moment of pain. Everything hurts as if it was happening right now. _

_But it feels like it's been decades since I saw him. Since I kissed him. _

_I lie awake at night thinking about how he felt lying in the bed next to me._

_Sometimes I lay his shirt out beside me and smell him on it. _

_I can't believe I'll never feel his arms around me again._

_That I'll never feel his lips on mine._

_That I'll never tell him…_

He stopped and put his hand over his mouth looking up at the window a deep sadness drifting over him.

The curtains were open. Of course. He smiled, thinking about his girl. He flipped forward, not wanting to read any more of that.

_Dear Diary_

_Sorry I'm not writing much, but I am very busy with a genuine sex wizard! _

_Sometimes when I see him naked I think I will actually flood the entire country._

_He makes me lady parts gush._

Finn laughed incredulously, blushing even though he was alone.

_He's just so sexy. I think they need to redefine the word because the definition is clearly my boyfriend._

_Bloody hell. I still can't believe he's all mine. _

_I remember when I used to daydream about the possibility that I might see him naked._

Finn's shook his head, feeling strangely and absurdly satisfied, happy, giddy even

_Now when he presses his body against me, it's all I can do to stop myself from weeping. He's so delicious. _

_I just hope that he never realises that he's really far too sexy for me._

Finn furrowed his brows and skipped forward.

_Dear Diary_

_Is it wrong to be glad that Finn will have to repeat performing arts next year?_

_I like the idea of him being around. _

_At least next year, Stacey won't be around._

_Her body is so perfect. _

_And her face is like the sun. _

_Sometimes I wish I could just put my mind in her body. _

_I wonder if Finn would prefer that? _

_I know he says he likes my body. I quite like that he says that._

_But I can't help thinking that he likes me in spite of my body. And I hate that feeling. _

Finn raised his eyes again, realising just how much work he still had to do on her self-esteem. And starting to understand why she never said anything about how he looked.

He saw a reference to his mum and skipped down the page a little.

_I wonder what Finn would do if I actually bit his arse? _

_Maybe I could just lie on it like a pert little pillow?_

_I should just grab it. And not let go. _

_I bet if you was to scientifically measure the curve of Finn's arse you'd find the definitive answer to all of life's mysteries. Especially what makes a woman happy. _

_I can't believe I get to shag him. _

_Oh god, if I let myself think about it too much I'll end up flooding the fucking school. _

He laughed again, his face burning with a joyful embarrassment.

"You're crazy girl." He said, far too pleased with the stuff she was writing. He bit his bottom lip, but couldn't wipe the smile off his face.

_He's still like looking at porn._

He couldn't help but keep giggling. He flicked forward again.

_Dear Diary_

_Sometimes he snores a little and I can't sleep. _

_But it's ok cos he don't wake up when I put the lamp on, and I can write. _

"I snore?" He asked the empty room.

_Sometimes I just want to stare at his face forever. _

_He has the most beautiful eyes. Sometimes, they get this look in them… sometimes I think he's looking at me like he might love me._

_Oh I shouldn't even write that here._

_Why would he love me?_

_Don't be negative Rae._

_You're fine. Remember?_

_But I feel like if I think about it too much, or if I want it too much, I'll just make it all fall apart. _

_Don't think about it. _

_Think about the way he looks at you with those perfect eyes._

_And his mouth. Those lips. _

_His lips taste like happiness and sex._

_And his jawline makes me want to cry it's so sexy. _

Finn put a hand up to his jaw unconsciously as he kept reading.

_There isn't one thing I don't like about him. He is actually perfect in every way. _

_Especially his hands. And his arms when he wraps me up in them. _

_OHMY GOD DIARY!_

_He just said my name in his sleep!_

_This is the third time I've heard him do it – and it's never any less exciting._

She'd drawn several hearts and smiley faces around this and Finn traced them with his fingers

_I wonder what he's dreaming? Something good I hope. _

_I can't believe that sex god Finn Nelson, is lying in bed next to me, and possibly dreaming about me. _

_How did that happen?_

Finn turned his eyes to the opposite page and read it

_That curve in his cock will be the death of me! He just makes me cum so quickly cos of it. And also because he is actually so sexy that I am so turned on all the time that I have the girl equivalent of blue balls._

_What wold you call that?_

_Cobalt clit?_

_Teal titties?_

Finn laughed loudly.

_If he fucked me all day constantly I'd still be horny like a 16 year old virgin. It's that body and that face._

_That face._

_I could stare at it for years. _

_Those shoulders are a fucking national treasure. _

_Stop staring at him, he gets self-conscious, and you'll never finish writing this if you don't!_

He skipped to the bottom of the page, a huge dopey grin on his face.

_Sometimes I think I don't tell him often enough how glorious he is. But he totally knows how fit he is, he don't need my stupid gushing to convince him._

_If I tried to tell him I'd probably just make a dick of myself anyway. No actually, I'd probably cry over how beautiful he is. _

_But really I should tell him how handsome he is, cos I know he don't know. If he did, he wouldn't be with me._

Finn wanted to scrub that line out. He wanted her to have never felt that way. He flicked through some more pages and a name jumped out at him.

"Phillip." He breathed as he read the passage.

_Dear Diary_

_I'm quite chuffed that Phillip liked my writing. I've never really done anything like this before, and he is a really good writer. _

_Elsa said that Phillip could be a kind of writing mentor for me, not because my skill needed it but cos my confidence did. And she were right, having a guy that's won so many awards for writing praise what I wrote has been really amazing._

_I even started writing other stories. I might show Finn later on. I wouldn't show anyone else!_

_I do wish that Finn would stop banging on about Phil liking me. I don't want to think that way cos I don't want to believe that he only liked my writing cos he wants me. _

Finn stopped and re-read it, realising how much this all meant to Rae as he read the next line.

_I so want to do something in writing for my career. And I just want to believe that I'm actually ok at it. I suppose Finn is probably right. He's right about most things. But I just don't want him to be. I just want Phillip to be an awesome friend who digs my writing. _

_At least Finn's really good about it all. He's so kind and patient with me._

"Oh fuck." Finn sighed.

_He really is the perfect boyfriend. _

Finn closed her diary and put it back in his bag with his science book. He raced out the door, jogging to get to her place. If he hurried, he might even beat her home.

When Archie pulled up outside of Rae's house, a red-eyed Rae sitting next to him, he pulled a face and shook his head at Finn, leaning up against the door, her diary in his hands, he had read some more while he waited for her. Rae stared at him from the passenger seat and looked away, saying a few words to Archie. They hugged and she got out of the car. Archie nodded at Finn and pulled out of the driveway

She walked up to him and didn't say a word. He held out the diary to her and she looked down at it then back up at him.

"I meant it." She said with a soft, tear-stained voice, "read it."

"I already read enough to know I owe you a very big apology." He shook his head, "Even if I hadn't read any, I was out of line. Just being a dickhead." He looked down, "Seeing you with other guys upsets me."

"I'm not with him!"

"I know." He placated her. "It's not what I meant." He looked at the diary that she still hadn't taken, "maybe I'm wrong about Bill, and I'm just being over jealous." She took the diary and held it to her chest.

"You're probably right." She said sadly, and he understood where that sorrow came from.

"Nah." He shook his head, "I'm a knobhead when it come to you and other guys." She smiled at him and he pulled her into his arms. "Wanna take a nibble?" He grinned when he saw her eyes on his bicep, pressing through his shirt. She narrowed her eyes at him.

"How much did you read?"

"Enough." He raised his eyebrows cockily.

"Oh god." She groaned.

"I was thinking we could measure the curve of my arse." She turned crimson in front of him and his grin broadened, "if you've got the time… or inclination."

"How long am I gonna be hearing about this?" He shrugged.

"Until you can say all the things that you wrote about me in that diary o' yours, to me face." He took her hands, "But you know, take your time, I filled up me fuel tank reading it. Right good for me ego." He cocked his jaw proudly and Rae rolled her eyes.

"I can tell."

"So I'm quite keen to take you upstairs and make love to you Miss Earl. Is that alright?"

"Well we better hurry then before me mum's soapies finish and she wants to talk to us!"

They went in and hurried up the stairs, barely saying hello to Linda and Karim, who sat snuggled on the longue watching tv.

He started kissing her on the stairs, she stripped his shirt off and he grabbed it before it hit the ground; they couldn't leave it out here. She opened the door and he closed it with his foot, but they never made it to the bed.

They made love on the floor right then and there.

_'Crazy Little Thing Called Love' by Queen_

She woke up to him hugging her tightly from behind. His head leaning against the back of her head, his knees tucked in behind hers.

Sometimes the way they fitted together so perfectly like this made her think that it was a sign that they were fated to be together.

She felt him stirring and she rolled onto her back carefully, he shifted for her and opened his eyes. She watched him as he stared at her face for a long time.

He leaned down and kissed her, stroking her hair gently.

"Alright girl." He said as he stroked her face. She leaned up and kissed him again and he moved himself to be In between her thighs. He looked down at her, kissing her tenderly, stroking her hair.

He saw that look in her eyes that made his insides turn to jelly and knew he had to tell her how he felt.

Everything was perfect right now. They were both calm and peaceful, they had held each other all night. And even though they had had an argument, she had trusted him enough to let him read her diary. And it had deepened his understanding of her.

Every day he fell more in love with her. And he was becoming more sure every day that she felt the same.

"I don't think I've ever felt closer to you." She sighed. "It's weird." She grinned self-consciously, "it's like letting you read my diary, it put you inside of me head." She touched his face. "You know Finn," She swallowed hard, nervous about what she was about to say, "You truly do have a genuinely perfect face. You are just stupidly handsome." He grinned.

"Stupidly handsome?"

"Take it or leave it."

"Taken." He kissed her and she sighed contentedly, "I think this is the happiest I've ever been. It's like every day I just get happier with you."

"Well I'm glad, cos this is forever." He could see the fear in her eyes, knew that she was working up to something, and that reminding him of what they had said to each other before was part of that.

"Aye." He said in a low tone, "we're forever."

He gently penetrated her as they kissed and she sighed contentedly.

It couldn't get any more perfect than this, and Finn stared into her eyes, stroking her face, making love slowly, allowing all the feelings he had for her rise up inside him. He sensed that she was doing the same thing.

They kissed, barely moving now, and the door slammed open.

"Fuck." Finn pulled the blankets around them, but was still inside of Rae as Linda came shambling in, her face tear stained and her hair frazzled.

"I have to go out. I have to get away." She said, barely seeing their stunned faces, as they lay embracing each other. "I have to go." She started to leave, "Take care of the baby." She started to cry as she left. They watched her go, their insides shaking.

"Where's Karim?" Finn asked very softly as they heard her leave the house.

"Work, he's doing three jobs."

"Fuck." Finn said as they herd Aiesha start to cry. They separated reluctantly and put clothes on.

"We'll finish this later?"

"Oh aye." Finn took her into his arms and kissed her passionately, but briefly before he bounded down the stairs to get Aiesha. Rae followed slower, knowing that often babies seemed to cry for no reason at all. He was rocking her when Rae came in.

"She's on the nose a bit." He said and Rae grabbed some nappies and Finn started to strip her down. "Oh." He said in a disgusted tone.

"What is it?"

"A shit explosion." He said as he took the nappy off gingerly, a disgusted look on his face.

"Watch your language in front o' her."

"Oh right." He pulled an apologetic face and she handed him some wet wipes to clean up the mess. At that moment Aiesha decided to pee.

Rae started laughing as Finn backed away from the mess she was creating.

"You are very disgusting little one." He said to her when she'd stopped and he looked at Rae, "She need a bath now." Rae nodded.

"Laundry sink." He picked her up and took her to the laundry.

"Just check the temperature on your inner elbow." Rae told him.

"Inner elbow. Alright."

"I'll make breakfast."

"Alright." He said to Rae as he put Aiesha on top of the washing machine. He'd seen Linda do this many times; it was an impromptu baby table. He kept a hand on her as he rinsed out the laundry sink, found the plug and started to fill it.

"Do you use soap little one?" He asked her as he looked around in the cupboard for something that might be used in her baths. He could hear Rae banging around in the kitchen, singing to herself.

"Right Aiesha, I think this baby soap is probably yours. I can't see your mummy or daddy using it." He juggled the soap and a wiggling Aiesha over to the sink, he nearly put her in without checking the temperature but then remembered.

"Too cold for you!" He said excitedly and she made a gorgeous sound that made him grin. "Yes it is!" He agonised over the temperature for a while and then gently lowered her into the sink, keeping her supported in one arm. He grabbed the soap and gently started to clean her.

"You know Aiesha, I guess I'm kinda like your brother in law." He said in a gentle lilting tone. She cooed at him, "Because I love your big sister more than anything. I know!" He said as if she'd spoken, "I know how annoying she is…" He said with a cheeky grin, "but I can't help it." Aeisha watched him with adoring eyes, "Your daddy told me that you can't chose who or when you love, it just happens. But you know, even if I could choose… I'd choose her." He gently poured some water on her scalp and she wriggled and made a strange gargling noise. "I'd choose her in a heartbeat little one. And you know why?" He put soap on her little feet, "cos she perfect in every way. And she make me feel like nothing else." He tickled her little belly and she squirmed, "So you me sister in law. And I'm gonna do everything I can to look after you. Cos me blood sister… Gracie… well…" He looked down at Aiesha as she kicked her legs uncoordinatedly in the water, "Gracie not with us anymore." He said softly, "so I'm gonna make sure nothing happens to you. You're me little sister." He lifted her out of the water and held her to him as he grabbed a towel. "I hope you don't mind." He wrapped her up inexpertly but lovingly, "cos you kinda stuck with me now."

He took her out to the longue room and quickly put a new nappy on her. Rae had laid out some clean clothes for her and he spent a long time trying to get her wriggly, squirmy body into them, the whole time he spoke softly to her and treated every noise she made as if it were an important part of the conversation.

Rae was plating up a very dodgy looking omelette when he returned to the kitchen with Aiesha nestled in one arm. He looked down at the omelette with a huge affectionate grin. He put Aiesha in her cot and sat down to eat the omelette.

"Do you want tomato sauce for it?" She asked apologetically.

"No I wanna taste what you cooked me."

"No I don't think you do." She laughed. But he picked up his fork and ate a big mouthful.

"Did you put cinnamon in this?"

"Yeah Izzy said cinnamon goes well with eggs." She looked down at the brownish omelette, "Did I put too much in?"

"Nope." He took another mouthful, "it's perfect."

"Don't lie." She shook her head, amused at his unwillingness to criticise her cooking.

"I feel quite impressed that any girl would wanna cook for me, let alone a goddess like you." He answered, "I'm really just happy that you're feeding me. Don't worry about the cinnamon."

Rae took a bite, the big smile on her face turned to instant disgust.

"Ugh, that foul!" She spat it out. "How are you eating that?"

"Ah, I'm such a boy!" He grinned. Rae poured tomato sauce all over the eggs and Finn laughed at the look on her face as she took another bite.

"This is the worst." She declared and took it to the bin.

"I'll have it!" He rescued the food from her and she shook her head at him.

"Cereal for me I think." She went back into the kitchen and Finn looked down at Aiesha, sleeping peacefully.

"Rae?" He asked as she came back into the room, "what are we gonna do about your mum?"

"I dunno." Rae looked over at Aiesha. "She seemed to be getting better for a while, but…"

"Kester always says recovery isn't a straight line." He said and Rae nodded.

"Karim said he would take care of her, and that I shouldn't worry. But I think she's alone too often cos of how much he works now."

"Should we stay here more often?"

"It's an option." She ate thoughtfully for a while, "I'll think I'll have another chat with Karim, see what's happening."

"Aren't they going to Tunisia soon?"

"Yeah, they leave this after, for four nights. Taking Aiesha to meet the family."

"So we get the place to ourselves." He said with a wicked grin and he leaned over the table and kissed her. She scrunched her nose at the taste of the cinnamon omelette on his lips.

"Yes we do."

"Oh I do like that." He grinned, "Make you scream good and loud."

"I'll hold you to that."

_'Laid' by James_

Finn woke up with tired eyes. They had had all kinds of sex last night after Karim and a much more peaceful Linda had left with Aiesha for Tunisia. But they had not recaptured that perfect moment. It was too exciting every time they had the place to themselves, they always went big and loud when they could. He didn't mind so much now. He knew it was coming. She knew it was coming. It would come when it came.

He did his push ups on silence, his mind playing over all the things in her diary. He still hadn't come to terms with that first page he saw. It was like the song he had been writing for her. She had crushed on him too. Badly. And he loved it. She was still crushing on him. Almost as badly as he was on her. He glanced at her as he moved his arms wider apart for his wide push ups.

When he left that house to jog to the boxing joint he carefully locked the door behind him and sprinted, he was late for Chop.

By the time he got there, Chop was taped up and hitting the bag, as hard as he could, a heavy sweat dripping from him.

"Afternoon." Chop snarked.

"I'm not that late." Finn looked up at the clock and pulled a face, he was 30 minutes late. Finn taped up, they were going bare knuckles today. Chop stopped and watched Finn for a moment. Finn could tell he had something on his mind, but he was hesitating to talk about it. Finn kept his mouth shut, letting Chop figure it out in his own time.

"Can I ask you something?" He asked eventually. Finn raised his eyes to Chop and nodded, "But you gotta not tell anyone." Chop said, "Not even Rae."

"You can't ask me to not tell Rae." Finn answered honestly.

"Finn… I need this to be private." Chop said seriously and Finn sighed.

"Alright, if she don't ask I won't tell." Chop scrunched up his face and Finn shrugged, "best I can do. She me girl; she has free access to what's in me head." Chop considered this.

"Alright." He said lowering his voice. Finn started to punch the bag and Chop braced it for him. They didn't talk for a long while, Chop thinking while Finn punched.

"In Sutherland." Chop said suddenly and Finn softened his punches so he could focus on Chop while he worked out. "I heard, well we all heard, Rae screaming." Finn scrunched up his brows trying to think of what might have made Rae scream, spider, wasp… and then he realised.

"You all heard that?" He asked astonished. "I thought the doors were thicker than that." He pulled a face.

"Does she always do that?" Chop asked ignoring Finn's discomfort.

"Not always." Finn shrugged. "When we make love and it's all slow and nice, she just makes these slight whimpers and sighs, with a little bit of a moan." Finn tried to be helpful, feeling that he actually knew where this was going.

"Right." Chop said slowly.

"But when we fuck it's different, we get both get louder and rougher, and sometimes I'll even talk dirty to her." He shrugged, "it's just different ways of doing it."

"D'you think you're pretty good at it?"

"I try to be." Finn said honestly. "The first time we had sex I only lasted 7 minutes." Finn punched the bag hard a few times, "I decided that I was gonna be better than that the next time."

"But how d'you do that?" Finn stopped punching the bag and turned to him. He thought for a while.

"You want me best advice?"

"Yeah."

"You only need to know four things. To be pretty decent." Chop nodded, "One. Slow down." Finn went to get water and Chop followed. They sat on the bench. "Slowing down is hard for us lads." Finn said honestly, "cos she just so warm and sexy and…" Finn grinned and Chop nodded his head with a cheeky grin. "But you gotta slow down. Take your time." Finn said meaningfully, "however long you think you should be doing something at least double it."

"Double it." Chop mulled it over.

"So you might think 'I been stroking her body for long enough.' Nope. Double it."

"Double it." Chop nodded.

"Except for going down. You lick that cunt till she cries out and shakes no matter how long it takes, even if it breaks your fucking jaw." Finn saw a look in Chop's eyes that told him he'd never seen Izzy like that and he turned his eyes away subtly.

"Number two. Pay attention." Finn said, "her body will give you cues. Like her moans will go up in pitch when she's getting close, or her muscles will tense in her thighs. Pay attention to her." Finn deliberately didn't say Izzy's name that way the advice seemed generic, not aimed at Chop "I am learning all the little things that Rae does that tells me what she wants, how she wants it, when she's close." Finn nodded, "pay attention to her and take the attention off your own cock." He took a sip of water and Chop nodded as if he'd never thought about this kind of thing before, Finn continued to not look at him so Chop could look bewildered without being seen. "Third, communicate honestly. Tell her what you actually want to do, without pressuring her. And encourage her to tell you. And don't judge each other. This one's hard to do, and I haven't got it perfect yet." Finn scrunched up his face, "but it's important."

"Slow down, pay attention, talk. Fourth?"

"Don't be afraid to experiment and have fun with it. Don't take it too seriously." Chop leaned back on the bench.

"And that's how you make Rae scream like that?"

"Pretty much." Finn kept his eyes forward, Rae had told him about the latest conversation with Izzy. "I can't stress enough how important the first step is." He added trying not to sound too pointed. "Even if you're in a frenzy of fucking, going as fast as you can, slow down your mind, if not your body, so you can pay attention." Finn saw Chop taking it all in beside him, "Just remember to focus on her more than you. Don't worry, you'll cum, you got a dick, you'll always cum. Make sure she does first."

"How do you know she cum, I mean when Rae's not screaming?"

"You just do." Finn said, "Like I never made Olivia cum. Not once." He shrugged, "At the time I didn't even think about it. I were just getting mine, you know?" Chop took a swig of water and nodded, "When I got with Rae, well I loved her so much I really wanted her to enjoy it. So I paid closer attention. It was only after I saw Rae coming that I realised I'd never made Olivia cum."

"Girls are so complicated." Chop complained.

"Not really. They're just different." Finn said, "Like I could cum in like 4 minutes." Finn laughed, "But Rae takes about 10 minutes to really get going, so I gotta slow myself down or I'll never get her there. So I just started thinking vagina, instead of penis. Change the focus. It's much easier that way."

"Right, so slow down, pay attention, talk, experiment, and take focus off your cock. So five steps."

"Well really the last one is a philosophy not a step." Chop nodded and Finn continued, "So I assume you got a mate that's asking this stuff, and you figured you'd get a bunch o' lad's advice to share with him, rather than just share your own." Finn said carefully. Chop considered this.

"S'pose." He said softly.

"If he's got any other questions." Finn looked sideways at Chop, "Any. I'm open to answering them. I do alright with Rae. I learn a lot with her. She'd want me to share that knowledge so other girls can scream."

"I think that's enough. For now." Chop replied.

"Well he can ask at a later time if he needs to." Finn looked at him and Chop gave him a grim smile.

"You're a good mate Finn."

"So are you Chop." They had an awkward moment of silence, "right your turn on the bag." Finn said bracing the bag for Chop.

_'Rammstein' by Rammstein_

Rae yawned and went to the window to watch him running off to the boxing joint.

"Too sexy." She grinned as she went to the bathroom. She threw some clothes on and headed downstairs, thinking she'd cook pancakes for Finn. But she'd have to go through all her mother's cook books first to find a recipe.

She slammed the books down on the coffee table and sank back into the lounge with the first one.

Rae sat up, thinking she'd heard a sound. She looked around, her ears straining. Nothing.

She laughed at herself and shook her head. It had been so long since she'd had a moment alone that the silence was getting to her. She got up and put the television on so she didn't jump at every little sound.

She stopped on a delicious looking lamb shank recipe and wondered if she should try cooking that for Finn sometime soon. And then laughed at herself, as if she'd be able to cook that. Cooking was not her thing. She'd just be happy to do the most basic things for him. She turned the page, lost in her thoughts. The news was distracting her so she got up to try and find some cartoons

Rae screamed as arms closed around her. She struggled as the arms tightened in on her and she found herself gripped tightly by a man. She screamed again and he put a hand over her mouth. She struggled wildly, kicking out and hitting the tv. He swung her around, moving her towards the kitchen. She kept trying to scream and free herself.

Somewhere from the back of her mind Finn teaching her how to use his weight against him came to her and she dug her heels in, and bent swiftly, grabbing the arm around her throat, using his weight against him to push him over her head. He fell with a thud on the floor, between her and the front door. She turned and frantically ran to the back door.

It was dead bolted.

"Shit fuck shit." She scrambled to find the keys. Then remembered they were back in the lounge room. She'd have to go out her bedroom window. She ran for the stairs but he was right behind her. He grabbed her hair, painfully whipping her back. She cried out as her hands flew to his hand. She tried to scratch him but he wore leather gloves. She twisted and kicked his shins then used her elbow to cork his arm. He let go and she pushed him, once again turning to run away without even looking at him, this time she ran up the stairs. He grabbed her ankle and she fell but quickly twisted to kick out at him, his hand quickly letting go of her.

She ran to her room and closed the door behind her wondering if she should try to brace against it or just go straight for the window. She cried, tears clouding her vision as she looked around the room and decided to just go straight for the window.

She ran across the room, and grabbed hold of the window trying to open it before unlocking it.

"Shit!" She cried frantically as she scrabbled with the lock. She felt herself being pulled violently backwards by the clothes, then the hair and she slammed backwards into him.

"NO!" She screamed trying to free herself, but he grabbed her around the throat tightly then whipped out something that he shoved in front of her eyes. Rae was instantly still when she saw what he was showing her. It shone silver, so pretty in the light. And its blade looked deathly sharp. He slipped it between her throat and Finn's necklace. She whimpered in terror, her breath coming in ragged gasps. With a swift flick of the blade he'd cut the necklace from her throat. And it dropped with a heavy thud to the floor.

Rae stood there, her back pressed against this man, facing her window. So close to the freedom of outside. She saw the bright day outside, the place on the road where you could see into her room. A dog sniffing at a fence post. He slowly, carefully placed the knife against her throat.

She felt his breath on her neck as he brought his lips to her ear.

He whispered to her, the words travelling like a snake from his mouth to her ear

Her eyes opened widely.

She knew who it was that was holding a knife to her throat his hand creeping up to her breast.

"You belong to me."


End file.
